This is a weird one--a friend from college actually used to date my fiance. (Details of note: 1) I didn't steal him--there was a 3-year gap. 2) They were horrible together, and she verbally abusive toward him, often in public. None of his friends or family can stand her. 3) She has a history of being fairly manipulative with me, and my friends and family aren't fond of her, either.) She and I have been drifting apart for years, and I'd consider us acquaintances now more than friends, but it's been impossible to cut the cord altogether because we still live in the same city and share some mutual friends.
She got married last year. Having few close female friends (and thinking we're closer than we actually are), she asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I outright told her I thought it was a bad idea, but she insisted it wasn't and said how much it would mean to her, so I guiltily gave in. My fiance (then boyfriend) was invited to the wedding as my date, and things were awkward but bearable.
Now I'm engaged. My fiance doesn't want her invited to the wedding at all because it would make him very uncomfortable, and his entire family would never shut up about it (mine would gossip a lot, too). I also think I would have trouble actually feeling pure joy in her presence because she stresses me out so much. It just seems like a bad idea all around. But it'd be hard enough telling her she can't be a bridesmaid; how do I tell her she's not welcome at all? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I need to be frank. I'm probably making this more complicated than it needs to be, but I'm nervous she's going to absolutely freak out on me.
Any constructive advice would be greatly appreciated!