Am I over reacting or am I justified?

Re: Am I over reacting or am I justified?

• VarunaTT member

  

  June 2015

  You're justified in having your feelings, and I get why you would be hurt.  However, you don't know her circumstances for sure.  All you can control is how you react about this.

  
  

  If you un-ask her to be MOH, your friendship will be over.  

  
  

  Suck it up, keep BFF b/c she's been here longer than your FI or wedding and work on getting over your hurt.  Hell, you might even try discussing with her that your feelings are hurt and see where that leads.  
  
  A few things though:  It sounds like you made the appointment and didn't tell her that you did.  A simple, "Hey, I'm going to make the appointment anyway, we can always break it" might've prevented this.  Oh and if this is dress shopping FOR YOU?  No, you don't have a right to be hurt or angry.  The only person that needs to have anything to do with dress shopping/decisions is you.

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• mrsconn23 member

  

  June 2015

  monniiauddii said:

  So when I first found out that I was getting married, I was so excited to ask my best friend of 13 years to be my M.O.H and she seemed super excited about it too. I knew that it would be a challenge because I currently live 5 hours away she works a lot and I'm always gone, but to me, that was okay because I want her to be apart of my special day. So two weeks ago, when I found out that I would be back in my hometown, I asked if she could get some time off from work on Friday so that we could do some dress shopping. She wasn't sure at the time if she could but I decided to make the appointment anyways just in case and kept my fingers crossed. So fast forward to this past Wednesday when I messaged her to see if she managed to get the day off. To my surprise, she was able to get it off, but decided that she was going to hang out with a friend instead. I was hurt to say the least! Because she lives so far from me and the other bridesmaids,she couldn't make it to our engagement announcement dinner, and will not be able to come to our engagement party or my bridal shower. Nor will she'll be able to help me with the DIY stuff that I'm doing. I knew that going in but it was okay with me up until she just blew off the one thing that she could easily make. Now I have more than half the mind to just replace her as a M.O.H, but I also can't help but think that maybe I'm over reacting about this as well? 

  
  

  Everything V said.  

  
  

  Also, that's a lot of parties/commitments to one engagement.  

  
  

  If you choose to DIY stuff for your wedding, that's your choice.  You shouldn't expect help (or demand help) with it and the first person you should ask to help you is your FI, since it's his wedding too. 

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• thespeshulestsnowflake member

  

  June 2015

  monniiauddii said:

  So when I first found out that I was getting married, I was so excited to ask my best friend of 13 years to be my M.O.H and she seemed super excited about it too. I knew that it would be a challenge because I currently live 5 hours away she works a lot and I'm always gone, but to me, that was okay because I want her to be apart of my special day. So two weeks ago, when I found out that I would be back in my hometown, I asked if she could get some time off from work on Friday so that we could do some dress shopping. She wasn't sure at the time if she could but I decided to make the appointment anyways just in case and kept my fingers crossed. So fast forward to this past Wednesday when I messaged her to see if she managed to get the day off. To my surprise, she was able to get it off, but decided that she was going to hang out with a friend instead. I was hurt to say the least! Because she lives so far from me and the other bridesmaids, she couldn't make it to our engagement announcement dinner, and will not be able to come to our engagement party or my bridal shower. Nor will she'll be able to help me with the DIY stuff that I'm doing. I knew that going in but it was okay with me up until she just blew off the one thing that she could easily make. Now I have more than half the mind to just replace her as a M.O.H, but I also can't help but think that maybe I'm over reacting about this as well? 

  DIY means "Do It Yourself," not have your wedding party do it for you. All a BM and MOH need to do is show up in the dress agreed upon (after you ask them privately for their budgets), relatively sober. All the others is nice, but not necessary. Replacing a BM or MOH is a friendship ending move.

  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  June 2015

  monniiauddii said:

  So when I first found out that I was getting married, I was so excited to ask my best friend of 13 years to be my M.O.H and she seemed super excited about it too. I knew that it would be a challenge because I currently live 5 hours away she works a lot and I'm always gone, but to me, that was okay because I want her to be apart of my special day. So two weeks ago, when I found out that I would be back in my hometown, I asked if she could get some time off from work on Friday so that we could do some dress shopping. She wasn't sure at the time if she could but I decided to make the appointment anyways just in case and kept my fingers crossed. So fast forward to this past Wednesday when I messaged her to see if she managed to get the day off. To my surprise, she was able to get it off, but decided that she was going to hang out with a friend instead. I was hurt to say the least! Because she lives so far from me and the other bridesmaids, she couldn't make it to our engagement announcement dinner, and will not be able to come to our engagement party or my bridal shower. Nor will she'll be able to help me with the DIY stuff that I'm doing. I knew that going in but it was okay with me up until she just blew off the one thing that she could easily make. Now I have more than half the mind to just replace her as a M.O.H, but I also can't help but think that maybe I'm over reacting about this as well? 

  
  

  I get being bummed that she can't attend the pre-wedding festivities, but you're talking about replacing her as MOH. That is definitely an overreaction. MOH is a guest of honor title that you gave to her because she's your best friend. She's not obligated to help you DIY, attend multiple events, or anything else. 

  
  

  If you strip her of that title, you will very likely end the friendship. If it's worth it to you to end a 13 year friendship over a dress appointment that wasn't really communicated to her (so she made other plans) and some DIY projects, go ahead. But I think you'll regret it.

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• monniiauddii member

  

  June 2015

  I definitely don't feel like she or any of the other BM have to help with anything, which I why I said I competently understood that she couldn't make it to most of the events. And I'm okay with that. But it was communicated to her. When we had texted about it, she told me  that if she could get the time off from work she'd go and that a Friday would be easier, which I why I chose that time. If she wasn't able to, then no biggie--making a living is important too and she has hard job.

  
  

  Anyways I did try to talk to her and asked what was going on, but all she told me was that she just wanted to hang out with this other person instead. It hurt because she sees them a lot and I haven't gotten the chance to hang out with her in about 7 months. Now if they had an emergency or needed a last minute babysitter or something like that, then that's a different story because I get it; things come up. But I really don't know for sure. All I know is that she got the time off and then changed her mind. I tried calling her last night but I'm pretty sure she was busy with something else, so I haven't been able to tell her how hurt I'm feeling about this yet.

  

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• monniiauddii member

  

  June 2015

  And yes, there are a lot of event lol, and that was out of convince. We have a lot in our bridal party plus a lot who now want to come visit and celebrate with us so we decided to make different events to accommodate people. We're not expecting people to show up to all of them (or anything of them if they live super far away). Which is way again, it isn't a big deal to me that she can't make those. 

  

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• *Barbie* member

  

  June 2015 edited June 2015

  monniiauddii said: And yes, there are a lot of event lol, and that was out of convince. We have a lot in our bridal party plus a lot who now want to come visit and celebrate with us so we decided to make different events to accommodate people. We're not expecting people to show up to all of them (or anything of them if they live super far away). Which is way again, it isn't a big deal to me that she can't make those. 
  
  I'm assuming you meant convenience, in which case you're insane. Just get together with people when they're free to hang out - you don't need to have a wedding/engagement "themed" event to do so. more events = less convenient, especially for people who live OOT and will try to make an effort to attend. 

  
  

  re: your friend/MOH - it sounds like you're more into her than she is into you. the overabundance of "wedding, wedding, wedding" could be a turnoff to her - especially if that's all you want to do/discuss when you see her. I'm betting she'd rather hang out with other friend because she's not being a bridezilla. 

  
  

  if you kick her out, it will end the friendship. 

  
  

  like the others said, there's nothing wrong with telling her that your feelings are hurt about this, and discussing like adults, but it doesn't sound like you communicated your intended plans very well. 

  
  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  June 2015

  Justified in your feelings, not in your reaction...  If she's going to be your MOH you trust her enough to keep the lines of communication open.  Instead of stewing about it, open up the lines of communication before anything else.  Also, if she wants to back down, or be a BM instead of MOH, that's fine too, but you leave things open and let her suggest as much..

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• lembaslover member

  

  June 2015

  I totally understand how you feel. My best friend/MOH is on the other side of the country and at first after I asked her I kind of regretted it. She sucks at returning texts/calls and I started thinking too that maybe I was the only one clinging on to the relationship. Hell it might be true. However I would never ask her to step down or expect her to show up to parties or dress shopping. 

  
  

  It was really my fiance who got me to come to peace with the fact that she might not be the most involved friend. He pointed out the reasons I picked her. She's my oldest friend and she helped me through a lot in middle school, high school, and college. When I've really needed her she's been there and asking her to be my MOH was a way to honor that. 

  
  

  I recommend you think about the reasons why you chose her, not the reasons you feel she's falling short. Besides if she shows up in the dress you pick on your wedding day isn't that what matters?

  

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• Unknown

  July 2015

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