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Still not excited for the wedding...

luckya23luckya23 member
1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
in Chit Chat

My wedding is on Saturday and I'm just not looking forward to it... bordering on dreading it actually.  I don't like parties, I don't like being the center of attention, and the fact that we're paying essentially for a big family reunion for FI's family (most of whom I haven't met so they are strangers) is just super irritating to me.  Our families were controlling and I still have a lot of little stuff left to do.  My dog dying was just the icing on the cake of this month.

I'm afraid I'm ruining it for FI with my attitude.  Of course he didn't do any of the planning, so it's simply been a countdown for him this whole time, which I guess I also kind of resent.

How can I get back to just looking forward to at least the meaning of the day?? Did anyone else go through this?  I was so excited in the beginning and planning really just made me so weary of the whole thing.  FI works nights so I won't even get to see him really until the day before we leave for the wedding location (Thursday).

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Re: Still not excited for the wedding...

  • kvrunskvruns member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    Speaking for myself I know I got tired of thinking about the planning and details despite being pretty laid back about it all. It wasn't that I wasn't excited but I couldn't get past all of the XYZ things that needed to be done to try to lose myself in the fact that I was getting married. I figured that once the day was there and I was getting ready it would feel exciting, and it did sort of although not in the magical way I thought it would/should. It honestly felt surreal and it didn't really hit me until much later.

    Are you low key about most things in life, not really getting super excited about things? That's how I am so really it is no wonder I wasn't going crazy leading up to the wedding because that's just not my personality. Same as the whole "bridal moment" thing when shopping for dresses - some people cry and have some tv moment and others are like hmmm ok this is what I'm going to wear.  Neither is the correct way.

    As long as you're just worried about the "party" and don't have these feelings toward the marriage itself I wouldn't sweat it. The stress leading up to it and if you have stress going on in general from other thing can make it tough but try to move on and think about the marriage, not the party planning aspect.

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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I went through a span of time where I couldn't stand the thought of my wedding and actually wanted to cancel the whole thing. In fact, H and I had several pretty serious conversations about cancelling everything and just going to the courthouse. 

    Between the money we were spending, what my psycho family was putting us through, and the dread of one of the members of my psycho family doing god-knows-what on the wedding day, it just seemed like impending doom to me, and way more stress than it was worth. 

    I also feel weird about being the center of attention, so the thought of everyone staring at me while I walked down the aisle and then reading my vows in front of all these people really started to freak me out and make me anxious. 

    But I started thinking about getting the chance to hang out with all my best friends and H's awesome friends (the WP) in the same place at the same time-- which never happens because they're now scattered all over the country-- and I was really looking forward to that. Plus there were some relatives flying in that I hardly ever get to see, so I was excited to see them. And I was super excited to finally be H's wife, put all the planning and wedding drama behind us, and settle into our normal married life together. So looking forward to those things made me stop dreading all of it. 

    In the end it was an awesome weekend, and I was so so so so happy to see the people I mentioned, and to be married (obviously). All the other stuff that I was dreading ended up not even being a big deal. 

    As PP said, as long as you're just worried about the party and not the actual marriage, I think you'll be ok. I'm sure being so sad over the loss of your dog has made it difficult to look forward to things. It's hard to be positive when something so sad happens. Just try to pick out some very specific good things that are going to happen on your wedding day and look forward to those, even if it's something tiny, like pinning the boutineer onto your FI. 
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    My advice is to just look at the positive side of everything. So you've never met these people before? Well, you're getting married, so you just gained all this family! (For me, I don't have extended family in this country, so marrying into a big family's been actually really nice.)
    You did all the planning? Instead of resenting it, think of why you did. He's working / providing? He's really laid back / easy to please? I'm sure there's a silver lining in that somewhere. 
    As far as the party / center of attention part, well, I'm not much into big parties either. Once you've done your hostess duty of greeting/meeting everyone, you can do what you want to do- dance with your husband, visit with your closest friends, or whatever. And being the center of attention during the ceremony? Honestly, it's a blur. You walk in, you're focused on your significant other, and no one else really registers on your radar. You remain focused on your SO, the words you say to each other, and nothing else registers. I don't like being center of attention either but it just doesn't register at the time that you are. Because you SO is your center of attention. 

    << Hugs! >>
    ________________________________


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  • badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I was excited for the wedding itself and of course more than anything, the marriage. There were times when I felt frustrated with all the little details, but I tried to keep it to a minimum by trying to make quick decisions, or, if I could, delegate (I frankly didn't delegate much but still). 

    H did not seem to look forward to the wedding itself. I tried to keep him in the loop and ask his opinions and tell him costs as much as possible, but he honestly didn't pay a lot of attention to the planning process. The week of our wedding he had a mini-meltdown about the financials and how much we had spent - even though I had told him about everything and had stayed within our budget. 

    Overall definitely he looked forward to the marriage but was not excited about the wedding itself. That definitely changed for him in the days before the wedding and he had the full range of wedding emotions -- was overwhelmed when he saw me walk into the chapel, was elated to be surrounded by friends and family. He had an AMAZING time at the reception and has said every opportunity since that he was so impressed by the planning I did and how well the whole thing went. It was really nice to be appreciated by him, and also to have him say it was totally worth every penny we spent and that I had put together an event that felt and looked twice as expensive as it really was. 

    Anyway, I think/hope that when it gets down to it you will have an amazing day -- that will go by so fast you won't be able to believe it. Congrats!
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  • redheadbride15redheadbride15 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I went through some of this the week before my wedding too. I think it's a bit overwhelming for introverted types to think about being the center of attention and having a big party with so many people. It's easy to lose track of the meaning of a wedding in the midst of such chaos if you're normally a low-key low-fuss person and this makes it easy to get grumpy/resentful about things. My H, who is very introverted, was dreading the wedding even more than me.

    In terms of all the "little stuff left to do", just relax a bit. The vast majority of it is not important at this point. I had a hard time grasping that during the last week. Just make sure you have a marriage license, rings (if you're using them), your dress, your groom, and a rough plan with your officiant. Everything else will fall into place.

    Also, take some time to do some things for yourself this week. Losing a pet is really difficult so don't beat yourself up if you feel a need to grieve for a bit. What do you normally do to help yourself feel better? My wedding week I took several long bubble baths, got two pedicures, spent some time reading a novel, and did my best to keep up an exercise regimen.

    As the PPs have said, focus on your FI too. What do you admire about him? Set aside the wedding in your brain and try to remind yourself what this marriage means to you. We both wrote our own vows but were too shy to actually say them in front of a crowd during the ceremony, so we took some time to share them privately a few days before the wedding. We both cried. It was a nice way to remind ourselves what this was all about despite the madness of planning.

    Also remember that on your wedding day you can spend more time with the people you really care about. Yes, etiquette dictates that you should say hello and thank you to everyone who attends, but I don't think it dictates that you have to actually spend time with all those people. There will be a party, and food, and all those extra members of FI's family that you don't know well will be able to entertain themselves just fine. My wedding was small (like 60 guests), but I still spent 90% of my time with the people I really wanted to - my H, my dad, my sister, my best friend. I don't think anyone side-eyed me for it.

    Hugs - you will have an amazing day!
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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I like the suggestion of alcohol. ;)

    Too, let this be a good lesson for the future; don't plan things that aren't making you (and very soon-to-be H!! That part's good, right?) happy. If this is something he wanted, he should have taken more of a hand in it and you should make him aware that that is the expectation for any other event in the future. Don't let either of your families be controlling with your money; both of you put your feet down!

    That said, keep in mind that as long as you two get married, the wedding was a success and everything else ultimately doesn't even matter. Make sure you greet/thank your guests and as long as they are otherwise being hosted with food/drink, you can cease giving a fuck and focus on having a good time yourself.
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