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Asking about an invite

melbensomelbenso member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
edited June 2015 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My cousin and his fiance are getting married in April - on the other side of the country.  They did not send out Save the Dates.  I know they are having a small wedding.  What I don't know is whether cousins will be invited to it. There are 4 of us (8 people total, including significant others and kids) so "small wedding" isn't really a clue as to whether we will be invited.

Would it be a huge etiquette faux pas if I were to ask my aunt and uncle whether my cousin planned to invite his cousins? I'm not fishing for an invite.  But if we are going to be invited, I would like to start shopping for flights fairly soon so we can get a good price on them.

ETA - I ask about asking my aunt and uncle because I will be seeing them in two weeks.
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Re: Asking about an invite

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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    April of 2016? I wouldn't. You can still get flights at decent prices even 2 months out. 

    No matter your intentions, it's still perceived as fishing for an invite. 
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    No I would not ask about an invite.  You will find out if you are invited when/if you receive an invite. If you are invited but cannot make it due to the cost of flights or what have you then you decline. But I wouldn't ask because it will seem like you are fishing for an invite, even though that is not why you are really asking.

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    The save the dates may still come. We sent ours out about 8 1/2 months in advance. We sent them out that early because we had a few international guests and wanted to give them plenty of time to plan because we knew they would turn it into a vacation and not just a weekend trip. Your cousin still has time to get them out and still give plenty of notice. They may have not finalized their guest list either so they are delaying sending them out. No harm is checking on line for what flights run so you can start to save up the money for the trip should you get an invite. If you don't, you can use that money then for a different family vacation. 
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    banana468banana468 member
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    It's way too early to ask.  I understand wanting to be proactive but asking them would be way out of line at this point.   Things change and their guest list could grow or shrink before that time anyway. 
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    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
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    I wouldn't ask, but if you think there is a possibility of you being invited, why can't you just start putting money aside for the trip?  That way, if you are invited, you have the money set aside for flights and if you aren't you have a bunch of money saved up to take a different vacation somewhere else.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    Your motivation is innocent, but it would still look like you were fishing for an invitation. I doubt you would find any cheaper flights booking this far out than you would a couple months out.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    melbensomelbenso member
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    That was my inclination as well.  Thanks guys.
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    frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
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    Ditto PPs that they could definitely still be planning to send STDs.  We didn't send ours until 6.5 months out.  I also think over the course of the next 6 months or so you may hear in conversation whether the cousins are invited if you talk to your extended family on a semi-regular basis.  Wedding talk can tend to be a hot topic at family gatherings.


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    melbensomelbenso member
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    So, funny story. Just got a call from the cousin who is getting married next year. They did send out save the dates a few weeks back, but forgot to send them to me and one of our other cousins. The other cousin's brother (who did get one) mentioned that his brother hasn't received his yet and they realized they had forgotten to get our addresses and send them. He applogized profusely and asked for my address to mail it to me ASAP. I guess that answers that question.
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    vikinganna87vikinganna87 member
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    I would probably ask but that's just me.  I don't see any harm in getting in touch with aunt & uncle.
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    KnotsofloveKnotsoflove member
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    edited June 2015
    Erikan73 said:
    The save the dates may still come. We sent ours out about 8 1/2 months in advance. We sent them out that early because we had a few international guests and wanted to give them plenty of time to plan because we knew they would turn it into a vacation and not just a weekend trip. Your cousin still has time to get them out and still give plenty of notice. They may have not finalized their guest list either so they are delaying sending them out. No harm is checking on line for what flights run so you can start to save up the money for the trip should you get an invite. If you don't, you can use that money then for a different family vacation. 


    I am getting married April '16 and still haven't taken engagement pics for my save the dates. I wasn't planning on sending them out until like Aug/Sept. Most people I know didn't send them out until right at the 6-7 month mark. Just keep that in mind if you were wondering why you have not received one yet.

    *OP- just saw your other post about STD's, so disregard lol.
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