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Validate me, please won't you?

0Face0Face member
Tenth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes
I received an email from a good friend around 10:15 last night.

She is getting married in October, and while I'm not a part of the wedding party, I will be her "personal attendant" which means yelling at people and being bossy, which is right up my alley.

ANYWAY---the gist of the email is "Bachelorette party in Vegas over Labor Day Weekend!!!!"  but the kicker?  You need to decide by Friday if you want to go.  ::record screech::

What?  3 days to decide if I want to spend $500+ to spend 3 days in Vegas with at least 4 people I don't know.  Um...no.

I'm not 24 yo.  So please tell me I'm not a horrible person for saying no. 

Thanks and have a GREAT day. (it seemed appropriate)
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Re: Validate me, please won't you?

  • 6again6again member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    It's perfectly ok to say no.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    People who do this are utterly ridiculous if they get upset when someone declines.



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  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2015
    Well apparently I can't c&p images anymore.

    But you are right.  This is incredibly short notice and she would be insane to be upset.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    ftrMrs0 said:
    I received an email from a good friend around 10:15 last night.

    She is getting married in October, and while I'm not a part of the wedding party, I will be her "personal attendant" which means yelling at people and being bossy, which is right up my alley.

    ANYWAY---the gist of the email is "Bachelorette party in Vegas over Labor Day Weekend!!!!"  but the kicker?  You need to decide by Friday if you want to go.  ::record screech::

    What?  3 days to decide if I want to spend $500+ to spend 3 days in Vegas with at least 4 people I don't know.  Um...no.

    I'm not 24 yo.  So please tell me I'm not a horrible person for saying no. 

    Thanks and have a GREAT day. (it seemed appropriate)
    Not only would I not go to the bachelorette party, I'd decline her "invitation" to be her personal attendant.  It really is a shit job and not an honor at all.  My mom was "honored" with this role at my cousin's wedding.  My cousin proceeded to demand my 60 year old mother RUN to get her water during her pre-wedding photo shoot.  My mom decided to give the rest of her "job" to her understudy, a backup bridesmaid/assistant personal assistant.
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  • 0Face0Face member
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Meh---I've been a personal attendant before and I'm not afraid to tell someone to take a hike.  She's a long standing friend, and I don't think me telling her that she's BSC would end our friendship.

    But I appreciate your heads up. 
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    You are not a horrible person for saying no.  (Probably a smart one, actually.)

    What does a personal attendant do (other than yell at people and be bossy)?  I've seen this mentioned, but I've never seen one IRL.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Heffalump said:
    You are not a horrible person for saying no.  (Probably a smart one, actually.)

    What does a personal attendant do (other than yell at people and be bossy)?  I've seen this mentioned, but I've never seen one IRL.
    In my experience the Personal Attendant is the bride's "bitch of the day".  She gets to give up most of her morning to be at the bride's beck and call.  She stands around the bride with lipstick/handheld mirror and water for hydration and for touching up what the hydration did to the lips.  She wrangles the various family members/bridal party for photos.  She herds everyone into the limo at the right time, but doesn't get to ride in the limo because she's not technically in the bridal party.  She may pin corsages and bouts, and may hand out the bouquets before walking the aisle.  My cousin wanted my mom to 'fluff' the train before she walked down the aisle.  My mom decided to give that job to her assistant and went and sat in the church with my dad to watch the actual ceremony instead of being stuck in the back.
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  • 0Face0Face member
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Bah.  My "personal attendants" hung out all day and just got to have good perks.  Apparently I did it wrong.


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  • ashtsbashtsb member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    I guess I have a "personal attendant" but she's just going to help wrangle family members for pictures so the wonderful photographers we have can do their job. I told her she can be as mean as needed, sometimes my family doesn't understand timelines!
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I want a wedding do-over. I wasn't aware that I should have had a bridesbitch - I mean, "personal attendant."
    re: last minute party invite "OH, HELL NO!" would be an appropriate response :-) 
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    "Personal attendant" is a consolation prize for somebody who isn't good enough to be a bridesmaid.
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    adk19 said:
    Heffalump said:
    You are not a horrible person for saying no.  (Probably a smart one, actually.)

    What does a personal attendant do (other than yell at people and be bossy)?  I've seen this mentioned, but I've never seen one IRL.
    In my experience the Personal Attendant is the bride's "bitch of the day".  She gets to give up most of her morning to be at the bride's beck and call.  She stands around the bride with lipstick/handheld mirror and water for hydration and for touching up what the hydration did to the lips.  She wrangles the various family members/bridal party for photos.  She herds everyone into the limo at the right time, but doesn't get to ride in the limo because she's not technically in the bridal party.  She may pin corsages and bouts, and may hand out the bouquets before walking the aisle.  My cousin wanted my mom to 'fluff' the train before she walked down the aisle.  My mom decided to give that job to her assistant and went and sat in the church with my dad to watch the actual ceremony instead of being stuck in the back.
    See, that was my understanding, and that's why I was a little confused.  O-face, it sounds like you've done this before and it wasn't like this, so that's cool.  But yeah, personal attendant sounds like a job to me (and not a very fun one), so that's why I was wondering.
    �
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  • 0Face0Face member
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    I think it's funny that the item that was focused on was the personal attendant gig rather than the fact that friend wanted me to respond to an invitation for an elaborate party in less than 3 days.

    Though, I suppose someone who thinks that kind of response time is also a problem enough that being a "personal attendant/consolation prize" could be an issue.  Noted. 
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2015
    ftrMrs0 said:
    I think it's funny that the item that was focused on was the personal attendant gig rather than the fact that friend wanted me to respond to an invitation for an elaborate party in less than 3 days.

    Though, I suppose someone who thinks that kind of response time is also a problem enough that being a "personal attendant/consolation prize" could be an issue.  Noted. 
    I figured you weren't doing the typical brideslave thing, because that doesn't sound like something you'd do.  And I stand by your balking at having three days to commit to the Vegas trip--that's not realistic.
    �
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    VarunaTT said:

    image
    This - you're absolutely justified in saying "uh NO!" to 3 days in Vegas on your dime on short notice not 24 anymore or not...  Now, if she said "Hey I'm buying plane tickets and hotel rooms for everyone who wants to come on a Bach party weekend over Labor Day in Vegas - I need to know by Friday" that's a different discussion all together...  Your dime - yea, no...
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  • randomsloverandomslove member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Even at 24 I'd have said no.





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  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited July 2015
    I will validate you (because I like it when people are self-aware enough to know exactly what it is they are seeking and ask for it).

    That's completely unreasonable and you're not a horrible friend for declining.

    For the record, I probably would have been more inclined to decline at 24 cause I was poor-ass broke.  Could I certainly swing it financially on short notice now?  Yes, but I wouldn't because it would take me more than three days to really review my finances, review my upcoming expenditures, calculate if I still have enough of a buffer in checking to swing it, and review upcoming projects at work to make sure I could actually spare the weekend away (September is typically busy at my job).  I just don't commit to big expenditures and vacation plans on such short notice.
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  • 0Face0Face member
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Clearly I wasn't the only one with issue, friend sent an email that basically said "if this LV plan is canceled, will you help plan a party closer to home?" 

    Well, yes...with restrictions, I said that though.
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2015
    I...can't figure out what LV is.  Enlighten me, please?

    NVM, I just figured it out.  *continue to sip coffee*
    �
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