Don't forget to donate!

Re: Don't forget to donate!

• lovegood90 member

  

  July 2015

  nicemarmot said:

  An acquaintance of mine (former colleague from a job a few years ago) invited me and my boyfriend to her wedding... well, to the party afterwards. She set up a JustGiving page and asked her guests make donations to an Alzheimer's charity.

  I didn't have a problem with this. 

  We had to book a hotel in London for the night, which wasn't cheap on a Saturday, and I decided I would donate a few days before the wedding (basically, after pay day) and made a note in my calendar. I told my friend about this.

  She chased me on Facebook no less than three times asking me not to forget to donate. Every time I politely replied "yes, I have a reminder in my calendar to donate before the wedding".

  At this point my boyfriend mentioned it is not customary to buy gifts if you're not invited to the whole reception. 

  Who cares, I didn't mind donating to her charity. Even if not invited the the whole thing, but what really irked me was being chased repeatedly. I mean, how rude is this?

  Rant over.

  I'm sorry, but your friend is super rude for 1) having a tiered wedding and 2) soliciting money from people. I would have a really hard time not saying something snarky in reply to her.
  

  Formerly martha1818

  

  
  

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• banana468 member

  

  July 2015

  I'd put the kibosh on that, "Knock it off.   I'll donate when I'm damn good and ready.  Would you like me to continue to FB message you saying 'Don't forget to feed me!!!'?" 

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• TrixieJess member

  

  July 2015

  nicemarmot said:

  An acquaintance of mine (former colleague from a job a few years ago) invited me and my boyfriend to her wedding... well, to the party afterwards. She set up a JustGiving page and asked her guests make donations to an Alzheimer's charity.

  I didn't have a problem with this. 

  We had to book a hotel in London for the night, which wasn't cheap on a Saturday, and I decided I would donate a few days before the wedding (basically, after pay day) and made a note in my calendar. I told my friend about this.

  She chased me on Facebook no less than three times asking me not to forget to donate. Every time I politely replied "yes, I have a reminder in my calendar to donate before the wedding".

  At this point my boyfriend mentioned it is not customary to buy gifts if you're not invited to the whole reception. 

  Who cares, I didn't mind donating to her charity. Even if not invited the the whole thing, but what really irked me was being chased repeatedly. I mean, how rude is this?

  Rant over.

  Nope, nope and all kinds of nope. I would decline, unfriend and block. Then I would have a lovely night out with your boyfriend. 

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• GeekyBride87 member

  

  July 2015

  Not to dispute etiquette, but overseas I'm under the impression that tiered weddings are common place. They might not have the same etiquette rules that we do in the states.
  
  But, yeah, the bride is being super rude.

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• lovegood90 member

  

  July 2015

  GeekyBride87 said:

  Not to dispute etiquette, but overseas I'm under the impression that tiered weddings are common place. They might not have the same etiquette rules that we do in the states.
  
  But, yeah, the bride is being super rude.

  You're confusing tradition with etiquette. Etiquette is about treating people well and is universal. While it may be "common" to have tiered weddings in a certain geographical area, it's still rude.

  Formerly martha1818

  

  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  Wow..so rude.
  
  If this is just an acquaintance I would say F that, save your money and have a nice date with your boyfriend. Asking for gifts/money is rude in any country/culture. Although it may be an expectation, it is just that, and never ok to hound a guest like that.
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  July 2015

  Big-time rude.  I'd have responded, "Whether or not I donate to Charity, and when, does not concern you, so consider the subject closed."

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• GeekyBride87 member

  

  July 2015

  Eh the actual definition is conventional requirements as to social behavior; proprieties of conduct as established in any class or community or for any occasion.
  
  I'm really not trying to argue about it as I do agree that tiered weddings are rude. But I do think that we all need to understand that different cultures have different rules of etiquette. Tiered weddings are rude to us. People decide etiquette based on culture and traditions.
  
  For example, I had a professor that said that when he went to Japan, he invited his new Japanese friends to come to dinner with him and his wife. They agreed, but didn't show. My professor and his wife were livid. They found it to be rude. However his friend told him later that within their culture, it is considered rude to turn down an invitation at all. So they just don't show if they can't make it.
  
  It doesn't really matter in that sense what we find to be rude, some cultures have different beliefs as to what is considered rude.

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• nicemarmot member

  

  July 2015

  The thing that really annoyed me was her chasing me for "payment".

  
  

  Regarding tiered weddings we do have them where I come from (Argentina) but they are the exact opposite, and I have to say, it may be cultural but I do like the system. It only applies to people who get married in the church (although most people do). By the way, this is what everybody does over there, and it's not considered rude:

  
  

  You invite everyone to the church. People who are coming to the reception, acquaintances, colleagues... when I was in first grade my teacher got married and the whole class was invited. Most churches are big enough that you can get loads of people in, anyway. It's not an obligation to attend the ceremony, you don't have to RSVP, or even dress up (just dress appropriately). You certainly do not have to buy a gift.

  
  

  After the ceremony, the bride and groom stand outside the church and say hello to everybody who turned up. After this, the smaller group that was invited to the reception head off to the venue, while the bride and groom go to have some pictures taken and then join their guests at the venue.

  
  

  What I like about this, is that you get to see the important bit: the actual ceremony, the vows, the look of emotion on the groom's face when the bride makes her entrance, etc. It will take 30 minutes of your time, and then you can go home. I'd much rather have that than turn up late at a party, when the bride is looking disheveled and everybody is half drunk already. That to me is not a wedding. 

  
  

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