Shower invite etiquette?

Re: Shower invite etiquette?

• lightningsnow member

  

  July 2015

  Is this woman invited to the wedding? If not, it's very rude to invite her to the shower but not the wedding. If she isn't invited to the wedding, you are not obligated to invite her to the shower.
  

  Formerly known as bubbles053009
  
  
  
  
  
  

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• bride2b71614 member

  

  July 2015

  Invited to the wedding.

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  July 2015

  What did you say to the aunt when she asked to add her DIL to the shower guest list? If you told her no, then you're not obligated to invite her. 

                     

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• bride2b71614 member

  

  July 2015

  I bean dipped. I didn't say anything because I was a bit jarred by the fact that she asked if the DIL could come

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  July 2015

  The aunt is wrong to push this issue. Since you didn't imply an invtitation for the DIL, then you don't have to invite her.

  
  

  
  

  
  

                     

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• lightningsnow member

  

  July 2015

  I'm with MariePoppy on this one. You didn't imply the DIL would get an invite and she was rude to push for you to invite her. Continue to bean dip her and if she asks, just tell her the guest list is finalized.
  

  Formerly known as bubbles053009
  
  
  
  
  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  Firstly, since it's your shower, you are not the one that does the inviting.  You can suggest guests you would like there, but you can't physical invite them.  It's the host's job.  I would leave this issue up to your FMIL and have her deal with this person.  The person was rude to ask this question, and rude to continue to bring up the subject.   

  
  

  I would continue to ignore this person.  If they keep it up, your FMIL can say something about not wanting to impose on your family by inviting too many people.   She can say that's why she's only inviting her mother and sister and no one else.     You could also say there was a misunderstanding with your family and only X amount of people could be come to the shower, and that there isn't room for anyone else. 

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• bride2b71614 member

  

  July 2015

  @ knottie #s. I know this. I am not the one hosting, but my mom asked me to contact FMIL, and it became my issue when the aunt asked for an invite. If you read my post, I stated that I was simply asking my FMIL about her guest list. I shouldn't have worded it as "am I obligated to invite her to my shower," it should be worded, "are my aunts obligated to invite aunt's DIL to the shower." I apologize for my error, and am changing it now.

  
  

  SS vent warning/ UPDATE:

  
  

  My aunts and FMIL decided to invite the DIL. This is going to sound super bitchy and bratty on my part, but the aunt's DIL does not speak English. The only guest who can speak her language fluently is my FMIL, who will have to play translator the entire time. 

  
  

  Its upsetting to me because this is the first time my FMIL has expressed an interest/excitement about being a part of our wedding.  I'll get over it because its a bridal shower, and I most likely won't even notice the DIL that day, but its fresh right now and I am salty. 

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• lovegood90 member

  

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  bride2b71614 said:

  @ knottie #s. I know this. I am not the one hosting, but my mom asked me to contact FMIL, and it became my issue when the aunt asked for an invite. If you read my post, I stated that I was simply asking my FMIL about her guest list. I shouldn't have worded it as "am I obligated to invite her to my shower," it should be worded, "are my aunts obligated to invite aunt's DIL to the shower." I apologize for my error, and am changing it now.

  
  

  SS vent warning/ UPDATE:

  
  

  My aunts and FMIL decided to invite the DIL. This is going to sound super bitchy and bratty on my part, but the aunt's DIL does not speak English. The only guest who can speak her language fluently is my FMIL, who will have to play translator the entire time. 

  
  

  Its upsetting to me because this is the first time my FMIL has expressed an interest/excitement about being a part of our wedding.  I'll get over it because its a bridal shower, and I most likely won't even notice the DIL that day, but its fresh right now and I am salty. 

  Well, it's not really their place to invite anyone on the host's behalf when they're not hosting. Sure they can request, but why can't your mom just say they are at capacity or something if it's such a big issue? Or why can't she just not send this girl an invite?

  However if you just want to keep the peace with your Fi's family and invite her, I really don't see what there is to be salty about other than the fact that people who weren't hosting went over the host's head and invited her.

  What is upsetting about having FMIL translate for her? Is it because for the few seconds it takes to translate her undivided attention won't be on you opening gifts? I don't get it?

  Also, that sucks she hasn't shown excitement until now, but what is there to be "involved" in at this stage? You, your Fi, and if necessary a hired planner should be the only ones involved in planning (assuming FMIL isn't paying), so I don't see what there is to be upset about there either?

  ETA: Reading comprehension fail- didn't realize you said it was YOUR aunt who went ahead and invited her. Ignore that part
  

  Formerly martha1818

  

  
  

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• bride2b71614 member

  

  July 2015

  @lovegood90, you're right. I don't need her undivided attention while I am opening gifts. Every time I reached out to FMIL to include her in certain things (i.e. tastings, dress shopping, flowers etc.), she was unable to attend the activity etc. She isn't needed to plan anything, I just thought it was a nice gesture to invite her to these events, and I was looking forward to having her input on some of the aspects.

  
  

  Also, whenever we have family events where the aunt's DIL is present, she clings to FMIL because she cannot communicate with anyone else except her husband (who she barely sits next to/speaks to when we have family functions). My FMIL has not met my aunts and cousins and this was a nice way for them to get to know each other prior to the wedding. Again, I don't need FMIL's undivided attention, but it would have been nice to be able to celebrate something with my FMIL and close family members before the rehearsal dinner and wedding because she hasn't been able to attend any of the other things I've invited her to. I am fully aware that I am being irrational because I prefaced this as a SS vent. Again, I'll get over it. 

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• AddieCake member

  

  July 2015

  Why does your FMIL really need to get to know your aunts and cousins? And why won't she be able to chat and get to know them with the non-English speaking DIL present? They shouldn't have invited her if you didn't want her there, but I think you're making a bigger deal out of her presence and how it will affect the party than there needs to be. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• bride2b71614 member

  

  July 2015

  Agreed, @AddieCake. 

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• SP29 member

  

  July 2015

  Yeah, FMILs sister shouldn't have asked for her DIL to be invited. I would have had your FMIL tell them, "Sorry but I'm not the host, and the hosts have told me the guest list is finalized". But, what's done is done, and she'll be there.
  
  Annoying? Sure. But you'll barely notice her there. She can sit with her MIL and yours, but your family can still talk to your FMIL too. Adults can socialize together, but if you feel like your FMIL is being pulled away by her family you can always use conversation tactics to bring her back. I.e. if your aunts are talking about something you could say, "Oh, FMIL traveled there last year, you should ask her where she stayed!".
  

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