Pre-wedding Parties

Bachelorette Party

My BM's are starting to plan my bachelorette party. One of them sent out a list to the other 2 BM's and myself, with some ideas she thought of. Is it ok to tell them if there are a couple of ideas I don't care for, or do I just say yes, to whatever they decide. Sorry not sure what the etiquette is. Thanks.

Re: Bachelorette Party

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yes. You should never feel forced to participate in something you don't want.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    southernbelle0915
  • you can absolutely make suggestions, especially if they were thinking about something that would make you or any other guests uncomfortable.
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    Anniversary
  • pennydl said:
    My BM's are starting to plan my bachelorette party. One of them sent out a list to the other 2 BM's and myself, with some ideas she thought of. Is it ok to tell them if there are a couple of ideas I don't care for, or do I just say yes, to whatever they decide. Sorry not sure what the etiquette is. Thanks.

    Yup. Just avoid getting sucked into planning.
  • pennydl yes - for mine we rented a house for 3 days - my MOH asked me which day I wanted a stripper for - I said NONE! I think she got a little insulted because she is planning the day - but shes been my best friend since we were 8, she knows me - but is going off of advice from co-workers and outside friends. I think it is perfectly fine to say nay to things - just try not to figure out your entire party plans - half the fun is the surprise of it all :) 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's perfectly fine to express your opinion, especially about something you'd be uncomfortable with.

    However, I would strongly consider having this conversation by phone instead of over email. Sometimes tone can be misunderstood, or they might not really understand your position on something by email. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    It's ok to not give the go-ahead to things you don't want to do.  But if you're ok with everything else on the list, I'd limit my response to requesting that the things you don't want be removed from the list and letting them plan the rest.

  • I'm available this day and this day.  I'm busy these weekends.  I would rather have the event on a Saturday than on Friday, but if Friday works best for people I can make it work.  I don't want a stripper and already have pre-wedding mani/pedis planned.  But anything else works for me!
  • I'm going to go ahead & say yes, it's ok to say no to something you aren't comfortable with. During the planning of my B-party, which I wasn't a part of, I got wind of an idea one BM had to gift me with a lingerie shoot - in my apt - DURING the B-party. I was all "aw, HELL no". I appreciated her intent but I would have been uncomfortable as all get out so my cousin MOHs shut it down real quick. Pretty sure my SIL would have been even more uncomfortable than me with all that business so it was a big old pile of "nope" from me.
    [Deleted User]frenchiekinamarie688
  • GordonGoesBazeGordonGoesBaze Texas member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Speak up and let her know you aren't comfortable with certain ideas.  I had some friends wanting to throw me a penis fest and I shut that down REAL quick!  From the start I was saying no bachelorette party because I didn't want "penis paraphernalia" (as I would call it) everywhere.  Finally I had a set of friends along with my MOH plan it.  It's going to be a day massage, dinner with a larger group and drinks after.  Nothing too big or nasty!
  • I'm going to go ahead & say yes, it's ok to say no to something you aren't comfortable with. During the planning of my B-party, which I wasn't a part of, I got wind of an idea one BM had to gift me with a lingerie shoot - in my apt - DURING the B-party. I was all "aw, HELL no". I appreciated her intent but I would have been uncomfortable as all get out so my cousin MOHs shut it down real quick. Pretty sure my SIL would have been even more uncomfortable than me with all that business so it was a big old pile of "nope" from me.
    That is horrifying.


    onefootinthebayoulc07
  • If there were ideas on the list that you're not comfortable with, I think it's fine to let your bridesmaids know that. Better that you give them the heads up now than be surprised at the party by something that makes you or other people there uncomfortable.
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  • mrscomposermrscomposer Mani-snow-ba member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Speak up and let her know you aren't comfortable with certain ideas.  I had some friends wanting to throw me a penis fest and I shut that down REAL quick!  From the start I was saying no bachelorette party because I didn't want "penis paraphernalia" (as I would call it) everywhere.  Finally I had a set of friends along with my MOH plan it.  It's going to be a day massage, dinner with a larger group and drinks after.  Nothing too big or nasty!


    I told my BMs that if a fake penis showed up, I would leave.  My bachelorette ended up being just my bridal party the night before the wedding, but still.

    OP, you are well within your rights to veto things.  This is a party being planned for you - you should be comfortable there.

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
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