Pre-wedding Parties

How would you feel?

So I had a destination wedding in May. I didn't expect many of my friends to make it. I was lucky enough to have 2 come! However, before the wedding we had an engagement party, bridal shower, and bachelorette party. I figured all my girlfriends who couldn't make it to the wedding would at least show up to 1 of the pre wedding parties. Instead....90% of them didn't show up. Some of them didn't even let me know they weren't going to be able to make it. It makes me so mad because my one girlfriend just got married before me. I went to her shower and gave her a nice gift. I went to her wedding and gave her more cash. She did nothing for me. I didn't even get a card in the mail. One of the girls is now trying to invite me to her kids birthday party. Is she an idiot? There's no way I'm going. Do you think I have a right to be mad at my girlfriends? I feel like it's time to find new friends after this whole experience. People really showed their true colors! I don't know if I should just let it all out and tell them all how I feel or just ignore them.

Re: How would you feel?

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    So I had a destination wedding in May. I didn't expect many of my friends to make it. I was lucky enough to have 2 come! However, before the wedding we had an engagement party, bridal shower, and bachelorette party. I figured all my girlfriends who couldn't make it to the wedding would at least show up to 1 of the pre wedding parties. Instead....90% of them didn't show up. Some of them didn't even let me know they weren't going to be able to make it. It makes me so mad because my one girlfriend just got married before me. I went to her shower and gave her a nice gift. I went to her wedding and gave her more cash. She did nothing for me. I didn't even get a card in the mail. One of the girls is now trying to invite me to her kids birthday party. Is she an idiot? There's no way I'm going. Do you think I have a right to be mad at my girlfriends? I feel like it's time to find new friends after this whole experience. People really showed their true colors! I don't know if I should just let it all out and tell them all how I feel or just ignore them.

    I understand being disappointed, but not everyone enjoys those parties. And these things are not tit for tat. Don't tell them how you feel; just let it go and either forgive or let the friendships fizzle.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Ditch them because they don't need a friend who keeps score to decide whether they are worthy of friendship.  You'd be doing them a favor.

    You chose a destination wedding.  With that tends to be low attendance rates for both pre-wedding parties and the wedding since the guest list for destination weddings on average tends to be much smaller than your typical local wedding and only people invited to the ceremony should be invited to any pre-wedding parties.  That's sort of the trade-off of the DW. 

    I'm assuming when you say some of them didn't even communicate with you that they weren't attending the pre-wedding parties, you mean they also did not communicate with whoever was hosting those parties either since you wouldn't have been throwing them for yourself?  If they didn't even respond to the hosts of those parties, then yeah, that's a little rude.  Did the hosts confirm that the invitations were received or try to follow up with them once to get a final headcount before the party/ies?

    Truthfully, and if you lurked here at all prior to your wedding you'd see lots of people respond that they wouldn't attend a DW unless it's for someone very close - I would only attend a DW for a very close family family member (sibling, parent, or maybe favorite cousin) and my BFF.  It doesn't mean I don't like my other friends, but my limited time off work is precious to me and my financial obligations do not allow me a lot of fun vacation money right now.  If I was invited to a DW and I know that my schedule and finances aren't going to allow me to attend it, I likely wouldn't attend any pre-wedding parties either.  And even if I was going to wedding, there's only a 50/50 chance of my attending pre-wedding parties - I find engagement parties a bit pointless and AWish (celebratory drinks at Happy Hour? Sure.  An actual party? Nope), showers bore me but I will attend for absolute closest friends if I'm also planning to attend the wedding, and if I don't find the planned bachelorette activities interesting or it's out of my budget, I'm not going to go just for the sake of it.  I also don't send gifts if I'm not attending pre-wedding parties.  The point is, invitations are not a summons.  It's ok to feel a little bit disappointed that you weren't able to celebrate with everyone you wanted to, but being petty and bitter and refusing to attend their events is petulant.   
    [Deleted User]levioosaMGP
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You are being ridiculous.

    If you seriously want to end friendships with people because they couldn't make it to parties or didn't get you gifts, you should go ahead and do it, and consider it a favor to these people. 
    [Deleted User]Heffalump
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I hate showers.  I'm not a fan of b-parties and  I do not always send a gift to every wedding I'm invited to, but no do not attend.

    Meh.



    I do have to say if 90% of your friends didn't attend or give gifts I'm wondering if it's you not them.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    [Deleted User]Maggie0829Heffalump
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Why does everybody require validation in their anger? "Am I right? Is it okay to feel this way? These are all the shitty things they did to me. Can I be mad now?"

    Fucking own your anger. So what, they didn't attend your DW or the parties prior to that. I hate showers. I had to drink through my own. And bachelorettes... not everybody wants to attend those either. Friendships are not tit for tat. Events are not tit for tat. "I did this for you. You should do this for me!" Nope, not how it works.

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    onefootinthebayou
  • "How would you feel?"

    That is the question you asked. I wouldn't be expecting cash and presents, that's for sure. Lots of my friends didn't attend my shower. Oh well. 

    I also don't think your friend is "an idiot" for inviting you to her child's birthday party. These things couldn't be more unrelated.

    You are obviously one of those "friends" who keeps score for everything and then holds grudges. Just FYI - most people don't like being in friendships like that. Maybe that's why they didn't attend your pre-wedding parties or your wedding.
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    onefootinthebayouMaggie0829
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So I had a destination wedding in May. I didn't expect many of my friends to make it. I was lucky enough to have 2 come! However, before the wedding we had an engagement party, bridal shower, and bachelorette party. I figured all my girlfriends who couldn't make it to the wedding would at least show up to 1 of the pre wedding parties. Instead....90% of them didn't show up. Some of them didn't even let me know they weren't going to be able to make it. It makes me so mad because my one girlfriend just got married before me. I went to her shower and gave her a nice gift. I went to her wedding and gave her more cash. She did nothing for me. I didn't even get a card in the mail. One of the girls is now trying to invite me to her kids birthday party. Is she an idiot? There's no way I'm going. Do you think I have a right to be mad at my girlfriends? I feel like it's time to find new friends after this whole experience. People really showed their true colors! I don't know if I should just let it all out and tell them all how I feel or just ignore them.
    How dare she have the audacity to invite you to more events when she couldn't make yours! Everyone knows that you are ENTITLED to have all attention on your when you throw expensive, out of town weddings. 

    You have the "right" to feel however you want, but you definitely don't have the right to call these people your friends with how selfish, petty, and immature you are acting. Real friends don't care about cards.

    You are certainly right people show their true colours. Yours looks like this: 
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    Heffalumpmrscomposersparklepants41MCmeow
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