I'm in the process of finishing up thank-yous for my bridal shower. In addition to the notes for all of the gifts, attendees, etc., I know I should be writing an extra-special thank you to the hostess(es). My understanding is that it's also appropriate to present them with a small gift. My problem is that I'm getting conflicting reports on who hosted.
To all appearances, it was my FSIL / BM who hosted. She approached me about the shower and awesomely navigated an awkward situation wherein my mom had vetoed pre-wedding parties at all as disrespectful to my out-of-state MOH/sister. However, when the topic inevitably came up with my mom afterwards, she made a point of telling me that MOH had approved everything and contributed financially (or was going to be sending a check soon). The issue is that outside of this conversation I've gotten every indication that FSIL spent months trying to get my sister to answer calls, texts and emails just to get verbal input, an answer on whether they might come up to surprise me, etc. -- all to almost no avail. She felt that my sister deliberately dragged her feet on it. There is nothing about this information that would surprise me, but it feels rude to ask directly for confirmation. She had similar problems contacting the other BM.
I should clarify that I'm not upset if MOH and other BM did not participate in the shower -- they had no obligation to do so! I suppose it's not even a really big deal to write a nice note thanking them for stuff they didn't actually do. But part of me feels icky about doing that when FSIL clearly put *so much* effort (and probably quite a bit of $$$) into this. And then of course, there's the question of whether it's appropriate to get a gift for all 3 of them. Am I way overthinking this? Is it appropriate for me to just go along as if all 3 hosted equally?
ETA in an attempt to be more concise