Wedding Party

Friends but not a bridesmaid?!

edited July 2015 in Wedding Party
(Re edited post because it was too long)
What is a non confusing way to invite close friends to the very small ceremony (only parents and grandparents) and invite them to come hang out/get ready morning of wedding without them thinking they are a bridesmaid (they originally were bridesmaid but no longer are, still close friends) Also do I get them a small gift because they are great friends and have been helping with the wedding.

Re: Friends but not a bridesmaid?!

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    So very long story but here's the simple version.... On October 24, 2014 I got engaged and as we have been dating for 6 years I was more then ready to start planning our wedding! That being said I hurried up and asked my friends right away if they wanted to be a bridesmaid (they all said yes!) fast forward 3-4 months...planning is going great bridesmaids are all helping out but then their has been some problems with one bridesmaid and now longer is apart of the wedding. Then my MOH says she doesn't have the time or money to help out with the wedding. Fine. So now my sister is my MOH and sister n law to be is a bridesmaid and that's it. I ended up just wanting my sisters to be in the wedding because they are my sisters and no matter what they are always stuck with me
    What?  Did you actually have a question?

    When you say that your sister is now your MOH did you promote her when your original MOH said she didn't have the time or money to help?

    BMs aren't required to help plan your wedding.  It is great if they get involved but if they can't then it shouldn't matter.

    I am wondering why your one friend dropped out though.

  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So very long story but here's the simple version.... On October 24, 2014 I got engaged and as we have been dating for 6 years I was more then ready to start planning our wedding! That being said I hurried up and asked my friends right away if they wanted to be a bridesmaid (they all said yes!) fast forward 3-4 months...planning is going great bridesmaids are all helping out but then their has been some problems with one bridesmaid and now longer is apart of the wedding. Then my MOH says she doesn't have the time or money to help out with the wedding. Fine. So now my sister is my MOH and sister n law to be is a bridesmaid and that's it. I ended up just wanting my sisters to be in the wedding because they are my sisters and no matter what they are always stuck with me


    This sounds like a giant clusterfuck.

    BabyFruit Ticker
    [Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    So very long story but here's the simple version.... On October 24, 2014 I got engaged and as we have been dating for 6 years I was more then ready to start planning our wedding! That being said I hurried up and asked my friends right away if they wanted to be a bridesmaid (they all said yes!) fast forward 3-4 months...planning is going great bridesmaids are all helping out but then their has been some problems with one bridesmaid and now longer is apart of the wedding. Then my MOH says she doesn't have the time or money to help out with the wedding. Fine. So now my sister is my MOH and sister n law to be is a bridesmaid and that's it. I ended up just wanting my sisters to be in the wedding because they are my sisters and no matter what they are always stuck with me
    First, you should not have replaced your MOH.  If she doesn't have the time or money to "help out" with the wedding, guess what?  Those were never requirements!  The only persons required to "help out" with the wedding are you and your FI-not your family, not your wedding party.  The only requirements for wedding party members are to acquire the designated outfit, show up in it on time, sober, and in good spirits, process down the aisle and recess back down it, and pose for some photos.  And if you didn't get her budget before asking her to be your bridesmaid, which you should have done with everyone in your wedding party (privately) when asking them, that's on you, not her. 
    [Deleted User]
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Ditto Maggie. Are you venting? Sharing about your dropouts and promotions? Because I wouldn't be telling people that since promoting the most helpful women makes you look douchey.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    [Deleted User]
  • Sorry idk why but my post got cut off
  • I did not ask her to drop out. To this day I would still love for her to be a MOH. But she chose not to be in the wedding. She said she does not have the time or energy to help plan even though I have told her she doesn't have to help. She is still a good friend. Maybe a worded things wrong? I re wrote the post though.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    (Re edited post because it was too long) What is a non confusing way to invite close friends to the very small ceremony (only parents and grandparents) and invite them to come hang out/get ready morning of wedding without them thinking they are a bridesmaid (they originally were bridesmaid but no longer are, still close friends) Also do I get them a small gift because they are great friends and have been helping with the wedding.
    Why are they no longer BMs though?  Did you kick them out or did they drop out of their own accord?

    Honestly, just invite them as guests to your wedding.  Let them get ready on their own time. Write them thank you cards for their help.  But if I was a BM then dropped out (or was kicked out) I really wouldn't feel comfortable coming and getting ready with you.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I did not ask her to drop out. To this day I would still love for her to be a MOH. But she chose not to be in the wedding. She said she does not have the time or energy to help plan even though I have told her she doesn't have to help. She is still a good friend. Maybe a worded things wrong? I re wrote the post though.
    Ahh, ok.  That sucks.  But I'd ask her what's going on with her and try to be a good friend to her without involving the wedding plans.  Is she planning on not attending the wedding at all?
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I don't know what would be confusing about saying, "Hey, Maggie, would you like to come get ready with me the morning if my wedding?"
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Maggie0829
  • They are all still very good close friends. My one bridesmaid dropped out because of some misunderstanding and small argument, nothing to so with the wedding but then we patched things up and are good now. And Instead of re asking her to be a bridesmaid I just kept it simple and just my sisters will be in the bridal party. And my one friend who was going to be MOH said she doesn't want to do it either. We are all still really good friends and I would love for them to be there on my big day!
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    AddieCake said:
    I don't know what would be confusing about saying, "Hey, Maggie, would you like to come get ready with me the morning if my wedding?"
    "I would love too!"

    Or

    "Thanks for the invite but I am just going to get ready at home.  But I can't wait to see you walk down the aisle!"

    Super easy question.  Super easy answers.

    [Deleted User]
  • Also I don't think it will be weird or awkward for them. As my one friend who was going to be my bridesmaid just offered to plan my batcholrette party. (MOH can't because she lives far away and won't be here till the day before)
  • AddieCake said:
    I don't know what would be confusing about saying, "Hey, Maggie, would you like to come get ready with me the morning if my wedding?"
    This.  There's no way I would be confused and think that I was a bridesmaid just because you told me I was welcome to come get ready with you that morning.  Just don't make a big production out of asking and there shouldn't be a problem.  If they don't want to, don't pressure them.

    If these girls helped you with the wedding before they dropped out (or whenever, really), I think a heartfelt card would be nice to show your appreciation.


  • Okay awesome. I was gonna just send them a text but didn't know if I should do something more formal.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Okay awesome. I was gonna just send them a text but didn't know if I should do something more formal.
    I think a text or email would be fine.
  • Okay awesome. I was gonna just send them a text but didn't know if I should do something more formal.
    I don't even know what you'd do that would be more formal? An evite to get ready? Nah.

    Just shoot them a text and say, "If you'd like to get ready with us, we'll be at _____(place) at ____(time). Would you like to join us?"

    When is your wedding? Because this is something you can ask 3 days beforehand. It'd be really odd to ask this too far in advance...
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  • October 24
    Then I wouldn't worry about this until around October 17th or so.
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