How rude can you possibly get?

Re: How rude can you possibly get?

• pinupbride6189 member

  

  July 2015

  bostonbride2015 said:

  So my wedding is in 9 days, and I'm trying to firm up our meal counts and table settings.  I have a college friend who was fun to hang out with when we were 22, but frankly hasn't matured much in the decade since, and she can be extremely socially demanding (always insisting that we go out on HER schedule, go where SHE wants to go, invite who SHE wants there with us, etc. etc.)

  
  

  She was invited to the wedding solo, because she's single.  I got her RSVP card a few weeks ago .  .  . and she RSVPed for "NAME and guest."  Not a specifically named person.  Just "and guest."  As she was not invited with a guest, is single, and hadn't even asked me about bringing somebody (not even at my bachelorette weekend where I'd seen her three days before I got the RSVP), I was pretty floored.

  
  

  FI and I discussed how to handle it.  We agreed that since we'd gotten a fair number of declines and because going to weddings single can suck, it was fine if she brought a guest, but we wanted to know who she was planning on bringing.  So I sent her a text last week basically saying "hey, hope you're doing well, so for the wedding it's fine if you bring a guest but could you please let me know who it is for escort cards/table settings?"  .  .  . No response, despite the fact that she'd sent me two texts (which I'd responded to) shortly before that.  I followed up with her again via text last night, and still no response.

  
  

  So now this girl has not only RSVPed to my wedding with an uninvited guest--she won't even tell me who she's bringing.  Or she may not be bringing anybody, in which case she's essentially asking me to buy a $150 plate of food that won't get eaten.  Either way, I am really, really annoyed.  I'm tempted to text her and tell her that if she can't tell me who she's bringing by the end of the day tomorrow, we won't be able to accommodate a guest for her.  Is that totally out of line? 

  I'd try calling her, but no, it's not out of line to give a drop-dead date on an RSVP. 

  
  

  It sounds like she's just trying to keep her options open so she can ask around and find someone last minute so she doesn't have to go alone, but that's pretty rude. Like I said, give her a call. If she doesn't pick up, either leave a message or follow up with a text saying that you need to know by Xday, because you have to confirm catering numbers and that if she doesn't get back to you by then, you won't have a seat or food to accommodate her guest. 

  
  

  
  

  

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• luckya23 member

  

  July 2015

  Well, I was below my minimum, so I didn't really care, but I also had an invited guest say they "would find someone to bring."  I just didn't put a name on the seating chart and left a space open for them at the table.

  Another guest "couldn't find anyone to go" so finally RSVPed no a week before the wedding.  I kinda figured, since the RSVP date was 2 weeks before!

  Since you will be out of pocket the $150, I don't think it's out of line to at least confirm that she really is bringing someone so you can fill the tables properly.

  
  

  

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  July 2015

  Well, I think it's fair for you to require her to confirm that she is actually bringing someone, although I would let the person's actual identity be up to her.
  
  I'd leave her one more message (not by text, use the phone and leave a voicemail) that you need to hear this confirmation from her by a deadline or you won't be able to accommodate any guests for her.

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• AddieCake member

  

  July 2015

  I agree with Jen. She needs to at least confirm she is bringing someone.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• simcal18 member

  

  July 2015

  Yeah, I'll probably call her tonight and leave her a voicemail if I can't get a hold of her saying she needs to confirm her guest by the end of the day tomorrow or we won't have a meal and a seat for him/her.  It's just incredibly frustrating to me that I have to go out of my way to accommodate her blatant lack of manners.  I just find it insanely rude that not only did she RSVP for an uninvited guest, she apparently RSVPed for an uninvited guest without having anyone specific in mind that she wanted to bring.

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• monkeysip member

  

  July 2015

  Do your guests have to pick a meal?  Our guests had to pick chicken vs. fish, so I told my friend I had to have her guest's name and meal choice (I needed the name for the escort card--which also indicated their meal choice too).  If you don't have to have a name/meal choice, then I guess just make sure she is actually bringing a living human being.  

  
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• photokitty mod

  

  July 2015

  I had two like this - single, no guest invited, rsvp card with "and guest" added on. I tried to get the "guest's" names and failed. I just put Suzy Summer's Guest on the escort card. It was annoying. What was worse, neither "and guest" showed up. The two invited guests just came alone. By then I didn't care. It does effect my opinion of them tho... GL!

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  July 2015

  She sounds pretty flakey. If she didn't reply, maybe she couldn't find anyone to attend with her...in which case you're flushing $150 down the drain.
  
  No, I don't think its rude to give her a drop dead date to provide a name. If she can't then she can come solo. And if she's a good friend from college, I would have no problem telling her why...that it's $150/plate and you need to ensure you aren't wasting money if there isn't a concrete plan.

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