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Wedding Etiquette

Knottie1431724834Knottie1431724834 member
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in Wedding Reception Forum
We got engaged in April, and my fiance's brother married his wife by a Justice of the Peace November 2014 with the intention that they would have a reception later on. We asked them several times if they had any plans with no more than an "I don't know" as the reply. We moved along and set a date that would lead us right into our honeymoon, 9/17/16 in San Diego. Once we announced our date to the family, my fiances brother came back and said they were going to host their reception on 9/24/16, in Salt Lake City. We have already made it very clear that we will not be in attendance, but my future in laws seem to be allowing this to go forth. I feel very stressed and was wondering how to approach this topic in a way that doesn't come off as bridezilla-y. Am I crazy for feeling like our wedding is being put on the back burner? 
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Re: Wedding Etiquette

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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    You get your day.  They have every right to throw a party anytime they want.


     Sure I would like to be at my brother's party, but I'm not going to give it as much priority as the actual wedding. 

    Tell them you are sorry you will miss them, but with the wedding and HM, you will not be able to make the party.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    What are you stressed about? Missing a party your brother and his wife are having is not something to stress about.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    Knottie1431724834 said:

    We got engaged in April, and my fiance's brother married his wife by a Justice of the Peace November 2014 with the intention that they would have a reception later on. We asked them several times if they had any plans with no more than an "I don't know" as the reply. We moved along and set a date that would lead us right into our honeymoon, 9/17/16 in San Diego. Once we announced our date to the family, my fiances brother came back and said they were going to host their reception on 9/24/16, in Salt Lake City. We have already made it very clear that we will not be in attendance, but my future in laws seem to be allowing this to go forth. I feel very stressed and was wondering how to approach this topic in a way that doesn't come off as bridezilla-y. Am I crazy for feeling like our wedding is being put on the back burner? 

    Are you concerned that family will pick their party over your wedding? I wouldn't be. Assuming im close to both people, as a guest, I'd definitely pick the actual wedding versus the consolation prize party for the wedding to which I was not invited.

    Don't let this get to you. I guarantee your wedding is not in the back burner.
    *********************************************************************************

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I think it's funny that you said that the inlaws "seem to be allowing this to go forth."  That makes me laugh.
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    frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
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    edited July 2015
    I don't get what your concern is.  Are you upset that you won't be able to attend their party?  Are you worried that your FIs family will choose to go to their party instead of your wedding due to travel/timing and needing to pick one or the other?  Do you feel like their party is too close to your wedding and stealing your thunder?

    ETA - the answer to all of these is you get one day, and they kind of get one day but not really since they're married already.


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    Knottie1431724834Knottie1431724834 member
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    edited July 2015
    I feel like their party is timed far too close to our own wedding and that they are stealing our thunder. It seems that if they are going to have a party to celebrate their wedding, it either should be happening soon (within the first year of marriage), or at least close to the day they said vows... It seems rather inconsiderate to all involved to try and do it the week after ours. Also, it seems absurd to me that the ILs are letting it happen because my parents would definitely be putting their foot down, not to mention we wouldn't dare try it anyways.
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    They're allowed to pick whatever day they want. You get one day, they get one day. These are adults, yes? So why do you think your FIL would be able to stop them? That is crazy. 

    No one is stealing your thunder. 
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    adk19 said:
    I think it's funny that you said that the inlaws "seem to be allowing this to go forth."  That makes me laugh.

    Me, too. how COULD they?! Won't somebody PLEASE think of KnottieNumbers!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    AddieCake said:
    adk19 said:
    I think it's funny that you said that the inlaws "seem to be allowing this to go forth."  That makes me laugh.

    Me, too. how COULD they?! Won't somebody PLEASE think of KnottieNumbers!
    I did too.   I'm assuming the BIL and wife are adults, no?   How could the parents really stop them anyway?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    justsiejustsie member
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    Knottie1431724834 said:
    I feel like their party is timed far too close to our own wedding and that they are stealing our thunder. It seems that if they are going to have a party to celebrate their wedding, it either should be happening soon (within the first year of marriage), or at least close to the day they said vows... It seems rather inconsiderate to all involved to try and do it the week after ours. Also, it seems absurd to me that the ILs are letting it happen because my parents would definitely be putting their foot down, not to mention we wouldn't dare try it anyways.
    No one is stealing your thunder. You're getting married, they are having a party. Your ILs should have no say in their grown childrens lives. 
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    frenchiekin said:
    I don't get what your concern is.  Are you upset that you won't be able to attend their party?  Are you worried that your FIs family will choose to go to their party instead of your wedding due to travel/timing and needing to pick one or the other?  Do you feel like their party is too close to your wedding and stealing your thunder?

    ETA - the answer to all of these is you get one day, and they kind of get one day but not really since they're married already.
    Look, I'm one of the first people to side-eye celebrations of marriage parties after a courthouse a year or 2 after the courthouse wedding.  I honestly do not get them.

    That said, this has NOTHING to do with your wedding.   People are able to celebrate more than one event within a short time.   Heck, I've gone to 2 weddings on the same day.  Granted they were not the same family, but as a guest I was able to equally celebrate each event.   And then the next day I went to a graduation party. Celebrated another event.  








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    Knottie1431724834 said:
    I feel like their party is timed far too close to our own wedding and that they are stealing our thunder. It seems that if they are going to have a party to celebrate their wedding, it either should be happening soon (within the first year of marriage), or at least close to the day they said vows... It seems rather inconsiderate to all involved to try and do it the week after ours. Also, it seems absurd to me that the ILs are letting it happen because my parents would definitely be putting their foot down, not to mention we wouldn't dare try it anyways.
    image
    Thor wants his thunder back.  The silver lining, though, is that you no longer have to worry about other people stealing it!



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    flbride2015flbride2015 member
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    You are also stressing out unnecessarily. I had two friends who had courthouse weddings that swore they were going to have celebration of marriage parties a year later. Neither has gone through with it because they're already married and now they're having kids, and they realize spending all that money on a party is silly. This party may not even end up happening.
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