Am I supposed to give the money back?

primafaba15 · July 2015

Not sure if this is an "etiquette" question so please feel free to move this if appropriate!

My folks originally offered to kick in a certain amount of money for my wedding -- bonds that they have always held for me that they say are my money. When it came time to guest list, because of large families there were some people, mostly my non-mutual friends, that we felt we couldn't afford to add. My parents were bothered by this and after pressing me for months and me saying it just wouldn't be responsible (they wanted us to count on non-attendance which I know is a no-no!) they sent the promised check but with an extra $1K to cover those extra friends. They would not take it back. This was obviously VERY generous of them (despite other parent issues I've had).

Well fast forward to today, we had over 30 declines, mostly my family. We got our final bill and it is still a little over $2K under what we'd estimated even before those other friends were added. His father also stepped in last-minute to cover our bar, which will shrink the total cost further. So now I'm conflicted: am I obligated to give that $1000 back to my parents? Should I ask? I have a feeling my FI would say no but I want to do what is right. We definitely have tons of other expenses that that would help with, but I don't know what to do.

jacques27 · July 2015

Honestly, it sounds like the money was earmarked for a specific purpose, so I would give it back, or at the very least ask. Maybe they'll want you to keep the money (I'm a little unclear - the $1,000 is "their" money, right, above and beyond the money they earmarked as "your" money, right?).

I would liken it to anything else - if my mother gave me $1000 and said do with it whatever you want, then I'm free to do that. But if she said "Here's $1,000 to pay for your tuition this semester" and I drop out of school, I would feel obligated to give that money back since I'm not spending it on the thing she specifically gave it for. So, in your situation, I would feel obligated to at least ask since the money was specifically to cover for the extra guests.

Jen4948 · July 2015

If you're not going to use the check as it was intended, and you don't need the funds to cover other expenses, I'd just send it back to your parents.

switSwoo00 · July 2015

I'd have a chat with your parents and offer the money back to them. They may gift it to you. In any case you will have done the right thing x

AddieCake · July 2015

I would give it back.

SP29 · July 2015

I would offer it back. You can let them know that due to declines you have come under budget and tell them you will return the $1k. If they tell you to keep, well gravy, but otherwise, I think you should give it back as that $1K was their money, given for a purpose.

primafaba15 · July 2015

Thanks ladies. You just confirmed what my gut was probably already telling me. It's hard, because the extra money would definitely help cover other expenses that were going to drain much of my savings (I should probably ask about all of the money...I'm pretty sure the $5K is "mine" but now I'm second guessing myself...) but you're right that I ought to be honest and give it back. Hopefully FI won't be too upset by this.

Am I supposed to give the money back?

Re: Am I supposed to give the money back?

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