Wedding Etiquette Forum

DW contemplating attending

I could use some opinions. My DH and I have friends who were engaged and planning a DW to a resort in Mexico in 2011. We were invited. Several of our friends were planning on attending with their families (kids were welcomed). We had not booked anything yet and then I notice the girl changed her Facebook status to "single". This is how we all found out they broke up. The people who already booked went and had a vacation. Fast forward they plan on getting married at the same resort at Thanksgiving 2015. My DH really wants to go. I am getting more details today. What would you do?

Re: DW contemplating attending

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    So they broke up and only told people through a FB status change?  Wow.

    If you want to go then go.  But be prepared in the event that the wedding doesn't happen (again) to just have an awesome family vacation.

    The only issue that I could see posing a problem is Thanksgiving.  Do you generally do family gatherings or have set plans?  You may want to consider also the costs involved in travelling around the holidays and seeing if it is in your budget.

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I hate traveling around Thanksgiving.  Super busy time of year.   There is always a storm somewhere reeking havoc with the airlines.  Prices are generally more expensive for flights and hotel.

    Add in their history.    I doubt I would attend.  

     However, a shit ton of people do travel on Thanksgiving, so if it's something you want to do, go for it.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I think I'd base my answer on whether or not I wanted to travel.   With kids, I have so little desire to haul them through an airport particularly during a time that everyone and their brother is there.   

    If we didn't have kids and /or they wouldn't be going then my attendance would be based on my belief that the couple will follow through with this and again, my desire to travel at such a busy / expensive time of the year.
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Add in that there's a chance they're not legally getting married in Mexico, as many people don't due to the restrictions (residency requirement, blood tests), I'm not sure I'd go.  It's pretty short notice to book a trip like that too

    Honestly, are you going to be upset if you miss??  Are you going to be upset if you go and the wedding doesn't happen and you're in Mexico for a week??  Base your decision on some of those factors

    kimmiinthemitten
  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    debbeau said:
    I could use some opinions. My DH and I have friends who were engaged and planning a DW to a resort in Mexico in 2011. We were invited. Several of our friends were planning on attending with their families (kids were welcomed). We had not booked anything yet and then I notice the girl changed her Facebook status to "single". This is how we all found out they broke up. The people who already booked went and had a vacation. Fast forward they plan on getting married at the same resort at Thanksgiving 2015. My DH really wants to go. I am getting more details today. What would you do?

    How are you leaning towards going vs not going? If I wanted to go a little bit and FI wanted to go really bad, I'd probably rsvp yes and book the trip. Maybe find out who else is going and see what prices are to travel around that time of year. 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


  • I would only base your decision on "Do you want to have a vacation in Mexico?" If you do, book it. If you don't, skip it.

    I say that because it sounds like this couple may (or may not) have their shit together and if they don't, they might just expect you to learn about it via Facebook. With that type of uncertainty, I'd only bank on having a Mexico vacation with their wedding being a little piece of it. 

    Also, are you sure they're actually getting married in Mexico, or are they getting married domestically and doing some kind of fake/symbolic ceremony there. If a fake ceremony, I would spend your money on going somewhere else. Just out of principle.
    *********************************************************************************

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    [Deleted User]jacques27
  • Thanks ladies. You bring up some goods points I did not think about. We would be there on my daughter's 14th birthday too. I think giving them a gift and wishing them well and looking at their photos afterwards will be enough.
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited July 2015
    Sounds like you made your decision already!

    I was just going to echo, that with a DW, I would base the decision on do I want to go on vacation to X location on Y date? Do I have the finances? Do I have the vacation time? Is it somewhere I want to go.

    The above would be for any DW wedding. But secondly I would consider my relationship with the couple. Is it my brother or my BF? More likely to lean toward yes. An acquaintance or family member I see twice a year at a holiday party? Probably not.

    I think sending your regrets, with a card and gift is plenty.
  • OK if I hadn't made my decision already I have now. I spoke to the B today. She was telling me how nice it will be and we should really go to the wedding. She then said they are having the ceremony on the beach, we will have a champagne toast with everyone and then they rented a yacht where a meal will be served.....wait for it.......to the B&G and their parents. She said we were free to go and have fun. WTF
  • Wait. They're not even hosting food for the guests? !?

    What. The. Fuck.
    [Deleted User]NowIAmSyplc07SP29
  • debbeau said:
    OK if I hadn't made my decision already I have now. I spoke to the B today. She was telling me how nice it will be and we should really go to the wedding. She then said they are having the ceremony on the beach, we will have a champagne toast with everyone and then they rented a yacht where a meal will be served.....wait for it.......to the B&G and their parents. She said we were free to go and have fun. WTF

    Decline. Decline. Decline.
    [Deleted User]southernbelle0915
  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle British Columbia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    Wow. Decline away!
    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
  • NowIAmSypNowIAmSyp East Hanover, NJ member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    debbeau said:
    OK if I hadn't made my decision already I have now. I spoke to the B today. She was telling me how nice it will be and we should really go to the wedding. She then said they are having the ceremony on the beach, we will have a champagne toast with everyone and then they rented a yacht where a meal will be served.....wait for it.......to the B&G and their parents. She said we were free to go and have fun. WTF
    image
    [Deleted User]pinupbride6189mrscomposerSP29
  • luckya23 said:
    OK if I hadn't made my decision already I have now. I spoke to the B today. She was telling me how nice it will be and we should really go to the wedding. She then said they are having the ceremony on the beach, we will have a champagne toast with everyone and then they rented a yacht where a meal will be served.....wait for it.......to the B&G and their parents. She said we were free to go and have fun. WTF
    In this case, "B" means.....?

    B is the bride. Sorry if I used the wrong abbreviation.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    debbeau said:
    luckya23 said:
    OK if I hadn't made my decision already I have now. I spoke to the B today. She was telling me how nice it will be and we should really go to the wedding. She then said they are having the ceremony on the beach, we will have a champagne toast with everyone and then they rented a yacht where a meal will be served.....wait for it.......to the B&G and their parents. She said we were free to go and have fun. WTF
    In this case, "B" means.....?

    B is the bride. Sorry if I used the wrong abbreviation.
    I think lucky was being funny meaning with the additional information B could also stand for bitch.

    But correct me if I am wrong @luckya23

    pinupbride6189luckya23sparklepants41japrincess24
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yup, that would be a decline.

    I would tell her, "I am sorry but we are unable to take a vacation at this time. Enjoy your wedding!".
    [Deleted User]
  • The only reasons I would go to a destination wedding at all are:

    1) The person is one of the most important people in my life, and I'd do whatever I could to be there,
    2) My friends/family are going and this is a great opportunity to have a group vacation without having to be the one planning it, or
    3) I can technically afford it but have been too lazy/cheap/guilty about planning my own vacation, so I'll use this as an excuse.

    SP29
  • ei34ei34 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yikes, I'd decline.  Unless you want to vacation in Mexico.  But I don't like the not-hosting-food part :p
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Three suggestions:

    1) Decline.

    2) Decline.

    3) Decline.

    luckya23
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