I'm not enthusiastic about planning a wedding

Jaslorraine22 · July 2015

FI wants a wedding ceremony where we walk down the aisle, Father gives me away, etc. and I want to go to the courthouse. I know this sounds backwards but I have bad anxiety about a lot of things and I just don't want to add a wedding to that list. I feel like a simple courthouse marriage with a big party afterwards is the way to go. The wedding is a year away, so maybe I'll get more enthusiastic but I just don't see it happening. I love my FI more than anything but after 5 years, a future SD and our son I'm ready to just marry him and make everything legal in the easiest way possible. Am I being unreasonable? FWIW, I didn't even care to go to my Senior Prom- it was too much hassle.

CMGragain · July 2015

I would suggest a compromise. You could plan a very small, family only wedding. Are you church people? You can have a church wedding without it being a big deal. After your ceremony, whether it is in a church or a courthouse, you can take your guests out to dinner for a reception. There are lots of not-so-formal wedding dresses you could wear. Dad could walk you down the aisle.

At a later date, you can always have a big party for your friends, but it wouldn't be a part of your wedding day. It would be a separate event. Some people don't like the idea of just being invited to the wedding reception, but not the ceremony.

OK, I know a few of these are really terrible. http://www.davidsbridal.com/Browse_wedding-dresses-destination-wedding-dresses#close

Jaslorraine22 · July 2015

CMGragain said:

I would suggest a compromise. You could plan a very small, family only wedding. Are you church people? You can have a church wedding without it being a big deal. After your ceremony, whether it is in a church or a courthouse, you can take your guests out to dinner for a reception. There are lots of not-so-formal wedding dresses you could wear. Dad could walk you down the aisle.

At a later date, you can always have a big party for your friends, but it wouldn't be a part of your wedding day. It would be a separate event. Some people don't like the idea of just being invited to the wedding reception, but not the ceremony.

OK, I know a few of these are really terrible. http://www.davidsbridal.com/Browse_wedding-dresses-destination-wedding-dresses#close

Yea I think I am willing to compromise and maybe have a very intimate chapel wedding but I still want to really do it up afterwards. My mom has a huge backyard so we have discussed doing a reception there, which I don't mind at all. Thank you!

VarunaTT · July 2015

The only thing is everyone invited to the wedding must be invited to the reception and vice versa. Just have the ceremony and the reception in the same place. The wedding part is the easy part to plan, it's the reception that brings all the drama and organizing. You should compromise if this is what FI wants, but have him take the lead in planning most of that one.

MesmrEwe · July 2015

This is why there are coordinators and event planners! Once you have your budget and approximate guest count decided, this is going to be your best money spent. You may find yourself wanting to be more involved than you think once you get to meeting with vendors... If you don't, then just delegate a budget and detail to a vendor (i.e. if you have no preferences on flowers or minor ones, give a trusted florist the budget, list, basic details, and let them run with it.) and let the vendor do the stressing/work for you. Let the caterer take care of setting up the tables for you, things like that... You don't need a high budget to go the coordinator route, it's just an easier way to ease the stress of it all. Otherwise, you never know, your FI may be more than willing to do the planning so you don't have to!

When it comes to the anxiety - you have some choices to make. Is two minutes of walking down an aisle and back worth doing for your FI? I understand that you want to just go to the courthouse but it's important to recognize that it's also your FI's wedding too. You two need to work these details out together (that doesn't have to mean "do as I say" either)...

CMGragain · July 2015

VarunaTT said:

The only thing is everyone invited to the wedding must be invited to the reception and vice versa. Just have the ceremony and the reception in the same place. The wedding part is the easy part to plan, it's the reception that brings all the drama and organizing. You should compromise if this is what FI wants, but have him take the lead in planning most of that one.

Sorry, but this is wrong. It is OK to have a private ceremony with immediate family only (Maybe 12 people) and then have a huge reception afterwards on the same day. What is NOT acceptable is to have a big ceremony, but only invite some of the guests to the reception. You must greet and feed all of your guests.

VarunaTT · July 2015

Um, no it's not. The entire point of the reception is to celebrate the WEDDING. Each has the same guest list.

Also, inviting someone to the reception and not the wedding itself can be seen as sniffing for a gift grab. No thank you. As I grow older, I find myself enjoying the weddings more and realizing how much more important they are the the party afterwards. I wouldn't go to someone's reception w/out going to their wedding and have always considered it rude to do so.

twoleighs · July 2015

We were in a similar situation: H didn't really care, I felt pressured to have a larger wedding, and I wanted to elope. We ended up having our parents, siblings, and grandparents present. ~15 people. We had the ceremony in a local historic house and we reserved a banquet room at a restaurant close by.

Everyone had a great time, and we didn't have the hassle/stress of a larger event.

I guess I don't really understand the difference between the big party you want vs. a reception. You could have the ceremony in the same spot. One of my family members had their ceremony in the reception space. They placed the tables in such a way that there was an walkway to the front. They got married and immediately started to party!

Jaslorraine22 · July 2015

Everyone that would be at the wedding would also be at the reception. The guest list is about 50 people long and the reception that night would be at my Mother's house in her huge backyard. My Mom's girlfriends or co-workers would want to go to that because they're her friends and she wouldn't mind- so that is what would make it a larger party. We agreed on a nice Chapel on the Air Force Base.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Jaslorraine22 said:

Everyone that would be at the wedding would also be at the reception. The guest list is about 50 people long and the reception that night would be at my Mother's house in her huge backyard. My Mom's girlfriends or co-workers would want to go to that because they're her friends and she wouldn't mind- so that is what would make it a larger party. We agreed on a nice Chapel on the Air Force Base.

The reception should immediately follow the ceremony, no gap in between them. I'm just mentioning this because the phrase "that night" makes me a little nervous.

Jaslorraine22 · July 2015

adk19 said:

Jaslorraine22 said:

Everyone that would be at the wedding would also be at the reception. The guest list is about 50 people long and the reception that night would be at my Mother's house in her huge backyard. My Mom's girlfriends or co-workers would want to go to that because they're her friends and she wouldn't mind- so that is what would make it a larger party. We agreed on a nice Chapel on the Air Force Base.

The reception should immediately follow the ceremony, no gap in between them. I'm just mentioning this because the phrase "that night" makes me a little nervous.

Yes the ceremony would be around 4 pm ish, so the reception immediately following will be that evening at my Mom's. The wedding is not at my Mom's house, so people will drive to get there.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Jaslorraine22 said:

adk19 said:

Jaslorraine22 said:

Everyone that would be at the wedding would also be at the reception. The guest list is about 50 people long and the reception that night would be at my Mother's house in her huge backyard. My Mom's girlfriends or co-workers would want to go to that because they're her friends and she wouldn't mind- so that is what would make it a larger party. We agreed on a nice Chapel on the Air Force Base.

The reception should immediately follow the ceremony, no gap in between them. I'm just mentioning this because the phrase "that night" makes me a little nervous.

Yes the ceremony would be around 4 pm ish, so the reception immediately following will be that evening at my Mom's. The wedding is not at my Mom's house, so people will drive to get there.

That's fine. A drive between is fine. But a gap of two hours to drive 30 minutes is not fine.

And if your invitations say that the ceremony is starting at 4pm, it should start at 4pm or 4:01, not "4pm-ish".

Jaslorraine22 · July 2015

adk19 said:

Jaslorraine22 said:

adk19 said:

Jaslorraine22 said:

Everyone that would be at the wedding would also be at the reception. The guest list is about 50 people long and the reception that night would be at my Mother's house in her huge backyard. My Mom's girlfriends or co-workers would want to go to that because they're her friends and she wouldn't mind- so that is what would make it a larger party. We agreed on a nice Chapel on the Air Force Base.

The reception should immediately follow the ceremony, no gap in between them. I'm just mentioning this because the phrase "that night" makes me a little nervous.

Yes the ceremony would be around 4 pm ish, so the reception immediately following will be that evening at my Mom's. The wedding is not at my Mom's house, so people will drive to get there.

That's fine. A drive between is fine. But a gap of two hours to drive 30 minutes is not fine.

And if your invitations say that the ceremony is starting at 4pm, it should start at 4pm or 4:01, not "4pm-ish".

I know. We haven't decided if it would be 4:00 or 4:30, etc. It's a year away so we're still discussing. I was just trying to paint a ballpark picture.

hmonkey · July 2015

MesmrEwe said:

This is why there are coordinators and event planners!

Jaslorraine22 · July 2015

hmonkey said:

MesmrEwe said:

This is why there are coordinators and event planners!

I didn't miss any point. I actually figured out a compromise and an event planner isn't in our budget. But thank you nonetheless.

I'm not enthusiastic about planning a wedding

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