Wedding Etiquette Forum

Friend getting married too

Alright, a friend of mine got engaged in January of this year, and my fiancé and I just go engaged a week ago. They are planning to have their wedding in August of next year and we are planning on June or July of next year. Is it bad etiquette to have our wedding first? We are planning for a smaller more private ceremony.

Re: Friend getting married too

  • Not bad etiquette at all. Everyone gets one day. 

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    hannahakBlue_BirdSP29
  • Well if they were waiting that long I wouldn't wait haha, just with them being so close I dotm want her to feel like I'm "stealing her thunder" if that makes sense. The reason I ask is because a friend of both of ours is getting married this weekend and the girl getting married next year post poned her wedding because she thought it was bad taste to "steal her moment"
  • Well if they were waiting that long I wouldn't wait haha, just with them being so close I dotm want her to feel like I'm "stealing her thunder" if that makes sense. The reason I ask is because a friend of both of ours is getting married this weekend and the girl getting married next year post poned her wedding because she thought it was bad taste to "steal her moment"
    You are not stealing her thunder. Last year, we went to 9 weddings. About 4 of them were the same group of friends. No one was stealing any thunder, they were all just at a point in their lives where they got married. Big deal. Best party summer ever! Anyway, if she thinks you're a thunder stealer, that is her personal issue to work through. Not yours.
    QFT.

    My cousin is getting married in February of next year, my sister is (unfortunately) having her PPD in March, and I'm getting married in April.  No one is stealing anyone's thunder. We just all got engaged at the same time and set dates at around the same time. My sister got engaged about two weeks after me and is having her party 5 weeks before my wedding. NBD.

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    hannahak
  • As long as you're not picking the same weekend I'd say you're fine.
    hannahaklyndausvi
  • Thank you ladies. I normally don't worry about these kind of things, but with what she did (postponing her's) I wanted to make sure I wasn't breaking some sort of friend/wedding code haha. Thank you again.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Everyone one goes through a 1-2 sometimes 3 year period of time when a baulk of their friends/family get married.   One year I also had 9 weddings.  The  next year it was another 7.     If you think about it makes sense.  We are all about the same age, so it's not unusual to hit some milestones around the same time as one another.

    As long as it's not the same weekend, it's all good.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    hannahak
  • Not at all! One of my friends got engaged in December of 2012. I got engaged in February 2013. I got married in November 2013, she got married in June 2014.
  • FosmohFosmoh member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I don't think that's bad at all.  besides, it may be fun to have a friend to talk wedding planning with and go to bridal shows together. however i'd keep in mind that your friend feels the way she does just so you can respect it.

    If something comes up that really stresses her, then let her vent about it and don't turn the conversation about your own wedding.  if you have a lot of mutual friends, also be sure to discourage the idea of having shared bridal showers and stuff like that.

    But you and your FI can't put your lives on hold for someone else.  otherwise we'd all always be putting things on hold, you know?

    SP29
  • This year I had my wedding, weddings for two cousins (they're sisters), my sister, and my best friend, along with three other weddings we had to decline. I got engaged third, and married first, and no one was "stealing anyone's thunder", we were super stoked to celebrate with each other! I live OTT from most family so it's been great to see everyone so frequently. As long as everyone understands that it might be hard for mutual friends or family to travel to both or to multiple showers (if that even applies), then it can be great! More time to see friends and family, more to celebrate! Sometimes H goes with me, sometimes not depending on time off/money, and everyone is just super excited to celebrate the couple.

    Congratulations and good luck planning.
  • lyndausvi said:
    Everyone one goes through a 1-2 sometimes 3 year period of time when a baulk of their friends/family get married.   One year I also had 9 weddings.  The  next year it was another 7.     If you think about it makes sense.  We are all about the same age, so it's not unusual to hit some milestones around the same time as one another.

    As long as it's not the same weekend, it's all good.

    While I agree with this, I would do anything in my power to make sure there's at least a couple weeks between them if she's a really close friend and/or there's a lot of overlap between the guest list. 
  • Agree with PPs - everyone gets ONE day. My sister got engaged in February 2014, I got engaged on 3/15/14, and my best friend from childhood got engaged 3/16/14. Friend got married before me on 6/13 (in another state, but we both made it to each other's weddings), I got married 6/20, and my sister is getting married in a couple of weeks from now. And then H's cousin is getting married two weeks after my sister, and both weddings are out of state for us. 

    Some summers are just packed with weddings - it would be impossible to plan if getting married in the same few months as someone else was "stealing thunder". 

    Just make sure you check with your VIPs to make sure whatever date you pick works.
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MandyMost said:

    As long as it's not the same weekend, it's all good.

    While I agree with this, I would do anything in my power to make sure there's at least a couple weeks between them if she's a really close friend and/or there's a lot of overlap between the guest list.

    Which is why the B&G *should* (not that you HAVE to) clear the date with their VIPs. If the weddings were reversed, for example, and you want your friend present at your wedding, good idea to ask if/when/how long they will be on their honeymoon so you don't plan your wedding when your friend is away.

    But otherwise, you all get one day.
  • I am having a bit of the same issue, but I'm on the other end. My fiancé and I got engaged November and set our date for November of 2016. We have a lot going on with buying a house and earning our masters degrees. We know we chose to have a long engagement. We have also been together since high school, going on 7 years now. His sister and her BF have been dating less than a year, just got engaged, and chose a date 2 weeks before ours. Are we really wrong for being a bit upset that a close family member would choose a date that close?
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I am having a bit of the same issue, but I'm on the other end. My fiancé and I got engaged November and set our date for November of 2016. We have a lot going on with buying a house and earning our masters degrees. We know we chose to have a long engagement. We have also been together since high school, going on 7 years now. His sister and her BF have been dating less than a year, just got engaged, and chose a date 2 weeks before ours. Are we really wrong for being a bit upset that a close family member would choose a date that close?
    Yep.  Just because you decided to have a long engagement doesn't mean they have too.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    Not bad etiquette at all!

    DH and I got engaged Nov '13 and then my BFF got engaged Dec '13. They got married in Sept '14 and us in Dec '14. I was her MOH and she was a BM. Also, SIL got engaged in 2008 and got married Oct '14 and I was in that wedding.

    Like others have said, everyone gets one day. You aren't even in the same month.

  • My DH and I are part of a group of 4 couples that hang out. Three of the couples got married in 2014: May, August and September. DH and I got engaged a couple months after one of the couples, but scheduled our wedding in August before the other couple's. That was just the date that worked best for us.

    No one was upset or felt like anyone's thunder was being stolen because of what was going on in our friend's lives. Both weddings were local to our mutual friends, so they came to both weddings. We actually missed the couple's wedding in September because we were on our honeymoon. Life happens and we are all still friends.
  • hannahak said:
    Well if they were waiting that long I wouldn't wait haha, just with them being so close I dotm want her to feel like I'm "stealing her thunder" if that makes sense. The reason I ask is because a friend of both of ours is getting married this weekend and the girl getting married next year post poned her wedding because she thought it was bad taste to "steal her moment"

    So I'm with all the PPs. As long as you don't pick the same weekend you can choose whatever day you want. Your friend doesn't own the year, or the season, or even the month.
    I think you should keep the date you've chosen and not apologize.

    But, because of your bolded, I worry that your friend is of the mindset that couples get to own the season and she really might think, "well I moved my wedding for them so you should move your wedding for me." I really hope that is not how she feels, but I would prepare for the backlash just in case.

    But stick to your guns. Do not put your life with your future husband on hold. If she's a good friend she won't want you to either. If she throws a fit on this and doesn't relent, she might not really be that good of a friend.
    [Deleted User]
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    This topic always makes me laugh.  My SIL is part of a group of 8 VERY good friends.  They grew up together.  By some people's logic it would take EIGHT YEARS for all of them to get married.   What are they suppose to hold off on marriage just because they have a few other friends who got engaged around the same time?  That doesn't include any siblings or cousins any of them might have.


    It's just a ridiculous way to think.   

    New flash - more than likely you will get married the same year as one of your friends or family.  It's pretty normally if you get married in your mid-20's- to mid-30's.  If you want the year to yourself get married at 19 or in your 40's when it's less likely your friends are also getting married.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    [Deleted User]
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