Losing it! UPDATE

lovemesomemonster · July 2015

Alright everyone, this is probably just a "get it off my chest" kind of post but I'm too embarrassed to say it out loud to anyone I know.

I used to be super calm about everything, go with the flow, no big deal kind of person. In the last two years I have started getting some anxiety, pretty sure it's a social anxiety because it makes my hands sweat and mouth go dry when I have to sit in a conference room or closed in a car with someone that I have to be professional around. It was such an on/off thing for so long I never really did anything about it. Now it has gotten worse, having to sit on a flight and be confined puts me into a tail spin and I LOVE to travel so this is not good! I work from home so it's not a big deal most of the time but when things come up like me having to go to the office for a couple of days the anxiety sets in long before I leave and I can't shake it.

Right now I'm living apart from FI trying to keep the house in order, managing our rental, learning a new job, and trying to plan a wedding. I have no idea if subconsciously this is just too much but I know everyone is busy and people just deal! I feel like all I do is make lists and more lists and things slip and then I don't want to do anything. I think I should talk to someone but the idea of sitting in a room with a stranger makes me want to die a little.

Has anyone else ever felt like they just hit a wall and can't snap the F out of it!? What did you do?

mrscomposer · July 2015

lovemesomemonster said:

Alright everyone, this is probably just a "get it off my chest" kind of post but I'm too embarrassed to say it out loud to anyone I know.

I used to be super calm about everything, go with the flow, no big deal kind of person. In the last two years I have started getting some anxiety, pretty sure it's a social anxiety because it makes my hands sweat and mouth go dry when I have to sit in a conference room or closed in a car with someone that I have to be professional around. It was such an on/off thing for so long I never really did anything about it. Now it has gotten worse, having to sit on a flight and be confined puts me into a tail spin and I LOVE to travel so this is not good! I work from home so it's not a big deal most of the time but when things come up like me having to go to the office for a couple of days the anxiety sets in long before I leave and I can't shake it.

Right now I'm living apart from FI trying to keep the house in order, managing our rental, learning a new job, and trying to plan a wedding. I have no idea if subconsciously this is just too much but I know everyone is busy and people just deal! I feel like all I do is make lists and more lists and things slip and then I don't want to do anything. I think I should talk to someone but the idea of sitting in a room with a stranger makes me want to die a little.

Has anyone else ever felt like they just hit a wall and can't snap the F out of it!? What did you do?

Everyone deals with everything on their plate differently, though - so just because you're reacting differently than someone else doesn't mean your reaction is less valid.

This GoogleFact came across my Twitter feed yesterday: many sufferers of depression aren't sad; they feel nothing at all, or a persistent and nagging anxiety. Now, I'm not saying you're depressed - but it is possible to be a little depressed. I know that I have been at various points in my life, and am struggling with it right now (my mom's side of the family has a documented history of depression and I know what it looks like).

For me, I've been really struggling with my job. I'm a police officer, so you can imagine what my work day is like. I totally get the anxiety, and I TOTALLY get the not wanting to do anything - I'd sit like a lump if I let myself. It seeps through into my days off, also, so the last day off before I go back to work is usually very quiet and unhappy, with bouts of occasional crying. I also used to be quite unflappable, but I notice now more and more that I have a tendency to fly off the handle (I still keep everything internalized, though), so I've got anger issues, too.

However - I finally bit the bullet and acknowledged that this career isn't good for me. My resignation has gone in, and my last day of work is August 25.

So. For me, at least, every time I have a bout of negative feelings or can't seem to get myself out of a funk, I make myself recognize it so I can talk myself through it. It is temporary. Everything is temporary. It will pass. It is not forever. I can do it. That, and J is phenomenal at just sitting with me if I need it, encouraging me when I need it, and snuggling when I need it. I know that doesn't help while you're apart from your FI, but even just talking through it with him is a good step.

lovemesomemonster · July 2015

Thank you @mrscomposer that was a very insightful post! I have been looking at what has changed recently to trigger it being worse and I moved into a new position at work and I absolutely hate it, the direction is not clear and I feel like I spend more time battling the politics than just getting my shit done so it makes me not care and motivation is down. We also moved to a new place a year and a half ago, last summer I was working all over the world so there was no time so just be in the house by myself, this year I'm realizing that I don't know anyone up here so I probably spend more time than is normal talking to the dog. I had never thought a possible mild depression but with him gone and being in a new place with no friends that may be part of it.

Good for you resigning from a job that was not making you happy, I have been heavily considering that lately. I have great benefits and retirement but the salary is only OK so it may be time to just take a step back and do something that I enjoy and is less stressful for a while.

It is very nice to hear that your "other half" is understanding and sits down with you to talk things out, that does always help, but being a 13hr drive from each other it does make it difficult.

NowIamMrsKlein · July 2015

I get random bouts of really bad anxiety. I can go months being fine, and then out of no where it builds up to the point where I've started crying in the grocery store and FI and I have to just leave the cart and go.

I try not to let it get to that point, sometimes it builds to fast though. I really have to take a step back when I feel it coming on. Allow myself a day to do absolutely nothing, guilt free. Usually I enlist the help of FI to get things done around the house so I don't feel tempted or bad about things getting left. Sleep in, wear super comfortable clothes all day (its crazy how restricting clothes can escalate the anxiety). Maybe a hot bath with a book. Sometimes I'll go for a nice long walk. basically just anything to clear my head. I do have medication, but I hate taking it because it makes me foggy so I really rely on taking time to clear my head from all outside stress factors.

doeydo · July 2015

I have always struggled with anxiety, so I think I can relate. One therapist I saw helped me to learn calming techniques for when I am in those stressful situations or my anxiety is high. Box/slow breathing techniques as well as grounding (looking around the room and naming things you see, hear, and feel, basically) really help me. Obviously I am not an expert, but perhaps either looking up calming things to do like this can help and/or seeing a professional about it.

lovemesomemonster · July 2015

doeydo said:

I have always struggled with anxiety, so I think I can relate. One therapist I saw helped me to learn calming techniques for when I am in those stressful situations or my anxiety is high. Box/slow breathing techniques as well as grounding (looking around the room and naming things you see, hear, and feel, basically) really help me. Obviously I am not an expert, but perhaps either looking up calming things to do like this can help and/or seeing a professional about it.

Thank you for your response, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this. I have just always been so easy going about everything that it's hard for me to admit that I'm having this problem. It has just gotten to the point that it's affecting everything I do from my job to every day life. I made an appointment with my doctor to start talking about what's going on, I think a professional could help, I really want to get back to feeling like "me" again, and not be basing my life around if I think a situation would cause anxiety!

redheadbride15 · July 2015

Good for you for taking the first step! This is sooooo common, and people don't talk about it enough. It sounds like this is a new thing for you, so I'm sure you'll be able to get back on track! Normally I'd say "good luck!" but this doesn't take luck - it takes being strong, speaking up, and taking care of yourself.

lovemesomemonster · July 2015

redheadbride15 said:

Good for you for taking the first step! This is sooooo common, and people don't talk about it enough. It sounds like this is a new thing for you, so I'm sure you'll be able to get back on track! Normally I'd say "good luck!" but this doesn't take luck - it takes being strong, speaking up, and taking care of yourself.

Yes, the first step is the hardest! I keep trying to tell myself I'll "get over it" and that's just not working anymore. It just feels like failing to say "I can't take it anymore!" but I know that's not the case. I am fortunate to have an amazing man, disposable income, and live in a beautiful location in a beautiful house, so it feels like complaining when I have nothing to complain about. This thread has been so helpful in pushing me to finally call and say "I need help, make me an appointment".

novella1186 · July 2015

I have anxiety issues, and it got really bad while I was planning our wedding and my family was being awful. My stomach was always upset, I didn't sleep ever, etc etc. It sucked.

I knew I needed to see a therapist but, like you said, the thought it sitting in a room with a total stranger freaked me out. For some reason I get bad anxiety about making appointments and seeing new doctors that I don't know.

It took a lot for me to make the appointment and actually go (not cancel or no-show in a total panic). As soon as I started talking to the therapist I felt way more at ease because she was so nice, and the thought of the appointment was way scarier than the actual appointment. I saw her for a little over a month and only stopped going because my stupid insurance applied the cost to my deductible so I had to pay a ton out of pocket and couldn't afford it.

But I felt so much better. Just talking some of the issues out and having the therapist identity/clarify some issues for me and offering some advice on how to cope with certain things was huge for me. I would love to go back since I still have anxiety issues but it really did make a huge difference. I would recommend it.

lovemesomemonster · July 2015

Thank you all so much for the encouraging words and sharing your personal experiences. It got me off my ass and making an appointment. I actually already felt better by the end of it (although it was hard to sit in the room waiting) by just saying "I've had it, I need help, I want to feel like myself again". We talked through everything and have come up with a game plan, I'm not one for a lot of prescription drugs but with a wedding in 6 months we are going to do a prescription that will jump start the production of serotonin in the brain again and then ease off of it after 6 months. I will also be going to talk to someone, we agreed I am probably lonely and FI being gone so much is not helping since I don't know anyone here and may be leading to a mild depression causing the anxiety. I'm hoping this cloud lifts enough that I feel like I can get out into the community and start meeting people!

Just wanted to put this out there, I am optimistic that I can get back to being me and if there is anyone else in this position take that first step! It was amazing what a difference just talking made.

novella1186 · July 2015

lovemesomemonster said:

Thank you all so much for the encouraging words and sharing your personal experiences. It got me off my ass and making an appointment. I actually already felt better by the end of it (although it was hard to sit in the room waiting) by just saying "I've had it, I need help, I want to feel like myself again". We talked through everything and have come up with a game plan, I'm not one for a lot of prescription drugs but with a wedding in 6 months we are going to do a prescription that will jump start the production of serotonin in the brain again and then ease off of it after 6 months. I will also be going to talk to someone, we agreed I am probably lonely and FI being gone so much is not helping since I don't know anyone here and may be leading to a mild depression causing the anxiety. I'm hoping this cloud lifts enough that I feel like I can get out into the community and start meeting people!

Just wanted to put this out there, I am optimistic that I can get back to being me and if there is anyone else in this position take that first step! It was amazing what a difference just talking made.

Best of luck! I'm glad you're starting to feel a bit better

Losing it! UPDATE

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