inviting in circles troubles

Re: inviting in circles troubles

• Swazzle member

  

  July 2015

  I just have to ask why you would decide to post/ask this on the Not Engaged Yet board? 

  
  

  Did you mean to post it elsewhere? 

  
  

  An invitation is not a summons. You invite who you would like to have at your wedding and then it's up to the guest to decide if they can or cannot make it. 

  
  
  

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• bethsmiles member

  

  July 2015

  You are way over thinking this. Invite who you want to come, let them decide if they can make it.

  
  

  I'm also curious as to why you posted this NEY...

  
  

  
  

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• minskat30 member

  

  July 2015

  Knottie1430505628 said:

  Hi all. This is kindof a vent b/c it helps me process to write things down but trust your opinions so I thought I would throw it out. I am trying to figure out if we should send save the dates or not. Family, I am not so worried about as they can be told word of mouth. Friends are my issue. Also, because I am not 100% on who to invite yet. Fi and I have a budget and a guestlist that is basically like we can host 100 people, family is 60% of that, you invite 20 friends, i invite 20 friends done. After I invite the non negotiable, must haves. I have 12. I have put people into social circles; NY friends, spread out friends, and Hometown friends. Is there a polite way to poll everybody to see how likely they are to come. Or can I invite the VIPs out of each circle (that actually wouldn't help too much b/c they are all VIPs). I dont want to make assumptions about who I *think* will or wont be able to make it. Can I just ask them if they want an invite? My hometown friends would benefit the most from a save the date b/c they have families, jobs, and less flexibility with time and finances. These are my peeps but I will have seen them 6 months before. They are not likely to be able to make it without advance notice to save. HT friends +spouses = 8 people. Add kids, 15 people. NY friends. I have a couple that would Not miss it as long as they are in town. (Theatre people so schedules are difficult and you have to take work when there is work) This group is kind of a package deal. Sure I could just invite the few I know will absolutely come but I want the others to know that I am thinking of them and want them to come, even if they are less likely to do so. NY friends + spouses= 6 (I will have to check back next year to see if a few are dating anyone) Spread out Friends. There are 2 girls+ boyfriends in WI, a girl + husband in Cali, a fella in OR. Besides the girl is Cali, they all know eachother. We kind of grew up together and it has been Waaay too long since we have been together. I doubt fella would make it but you never know. 7 people. I wasn't worried about it, thinking i would just figure it out when it came time to send invites but if I invite my Hometown friends, they need a year to save. What advice or suggestions do you have?

  I'm confused.  You can't really poll people in advance to see if they can make it.  This is, essentially, B-listing other people.  Invite only the number of people you can afford to host and don't make assumptions about anyone coming or not coming (and, yes, it is hard to cut your list down when you have a budget but pretty much everyone has to do it...friends not invited will hopefully understand).

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• GoldenPenguin mod

  

  July 2015

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• ThxSugar member

  

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  bethsmiles said:

  You are way over thinking this. Invite who you want to come, let them decide if they can make it.

  
  

  I'm also curious as to why you posted this NEY...

  If i invite who I want then I will be overinviting.
  
  I posted it here b/c I saw some posts about venues and other WR stuff. Think CC would have been better? Mods are free to move it if NEY is the wrong spot.
  
  ETF word

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• minskat30 member

  

  July 2015

  Knottie1430505628 said:

  You are way over thinking this. Invite who you want to come, let them decide if they can make it.

  
  

  I'm also curious as to why you posted this NEY...

  If i invite who I want then I will be overinviting. I posted it here b/c I saw some posts about venues and other WR stuff. Think CC would have been better? Mods are free to move it if NEY is the wrong spot. ETF word

  Invite who you want and who you can afford to host.  Again, cutting a list down is hard when you a have a budget but its something pretty much everyone has to do.  Also, I second that asking this far in advance is likely to get you a lot of "of course I'll make it!" only to have life events happen closer to the date where those same people cannot make it.

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• ThxSugar member

  

  July 2015

  Okay. I will slow my roll. I am definitely not trying to B-list anyone as I want them all there equally. I just want to give the people I do invite plenty of heads up so they can save if they need to. For the record, I am not thinking of sending out anything now or in the near future. I was hoping someone had some advice about how they chose who to invite so when I do get to that point this has already been resolved. But I realize it is highly personal and no one can make that decision but me.

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• jenjen047 member

  

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  when i first  got engaged we talked to our VIP guests (meaning closest family) to say "we are thinking of getting married in January, are there any dates we need to work around". that's as far as you can go in getting feedback on who is likely to come. after that, you have to make decisions on your own. it's hard, but like PP have said, almost everybody has to do it. invite the people you want at your wedding, not who you think is/isn't likely to come.

  
  

  if you find you have a lot more people you want to invite than you can afford, you can think about options that will allow you to invite more people. for instance, find a cheaper venue or move the day/time of your wedding to a cheaper time (ie Friday/Sunday or brunch/non-mealtime). 

  
  

  ETA: i understand where you are coming from. we are inviting about 30 people from Ireland to our wedding. i don't expect all of them will make it, and since we are inviting about 130 guests this means that in theory we could end up with 100 or fewer guests. but that doesn't mean i will then fill in those spaces with other people i couldn't originally invite, because that would be rude. 

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2015

  Would you like me to move this over to CC?

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• ThxSugar member

  

  July 2015

  CocoBellaF said:

  Would you like me to move this over to CC?

  Sure, or invites. Where ever you think is appropriate. I basically have my answer though so it is up to you.

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