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NWR difficult situation and Im at a loss *vent*

JaniV123JaniV123 member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Chit Chat
One of my best friends is in an awful situation and I don't know how else I can help her. 

She is severely depressed, she had a plan to commit suicide back in May and she dissuaded her way out of hospitalization. 

We'll that whole fiasco was because she broke up with her then girlfriend for good (for like the fourth time) and her boyfriend was being a shithole about it and stuff (they were polyamorous). 

Well now he is showing his true colors when something in his life didn't go as he planned, and he is being psychologically abusive, manipulative, and a complete asshole. He is treating her like shit and is taking advantage of her, and today something happened and he is actually isolating her from all her friends except me. And he made sure it was her who made that decision. She is completely co-dependent on him and she is willing to risk her career just to be with him. 

Since May she is on anti-depressant, anxiolytics, and sleeping meds and she has told me on several ocassions she is abusing her meds and drinking with/while on them. 

I have tried to talk to her, try to get her to introspect, and be supportive to her no matter what happens but I don't know what to do anymore. I am completely scared one day I will get a call that she OD'ed or she killed herself some other way, and it breaks my heart. 

I don't know what I am asking for if support or advice but I am scared to loose my friend because of some asshole who is using her and abusing her. 


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Re: NWR difficult situation and Im at a loss *vent*

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Does she have a doctor or therapist that she sees?  Can you contact him/her and tell them about her abusing her meds and/or drinking with them, tell them about her isolation, etc?  Her doctor cannot talk to you about your friend, but the dr can listen to the problems of their patient and then hopefully bring them up with her the next time she goes in.  I suggest this only since you have already tried talking to her.

    Sometimes there is nothing you can do to help someone until they are ready for help.  Your friend doesn't appear to be ready for help yet, but I hope that she will be ready soon.
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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    @OliveOilsMom Thank you for your advice, I had not thought of contacting her psychiatrist. 

    I do not know who it is but I will try to find out. 

    I know, which is why I feel so helpless. But thank you so very much. :) 


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  • justsiejustsie member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2015
    What state are you in? Are her parents around? I'm wondering how tough it is in your state to get a mental health warrant for someone. 

    I agree with PP. It might be helpful for you to seek out a therapist as well, it can be hard not to feel like you have to shoulder whats going on with her because she is your friend. Make sure you are also taking care of yourself while this friend is going though a tough time. The therapist might also be able to give you some insight into what your friends options are. 

    Also, have you straight up asked her if she is thinking of killing herself? I know it can be a tough thing to ask, but a lot of times people who are thinking of killing themselves are more forthcoming than you think they will be. Worst case scenario she isn't, your relieved and your friend knows that if she ever did begin to feel that way you would be someone willing to listen.

    Let me know if I can help you with anything OP, I know I don't know you but I am a counselor at a psych hospital so if I can provide and insight for you I'd be happy to.

    Edit: I meant PP not OP 
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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    @justsie Thank you so much. Yeah I have a therapist and such. 

    I am in Puerto Rico and I am trying to find those requirements but her friends and family don't want to hospitalize her. They think being with her family (part of her problems but not the major issue at the moment) and focusing on her studies will keep her calm. And it is not the case. She told me she isn't "planning" per se but she is being reckless with her medication and taking more than prescribed and mixing them with alcohol. 

    A mutual friend was telling me that the psychiatrist she was seeing she hasn't really opened up because it seems she is not comfortable with him so she just goes to get the prescription. 

    She is smart enough to know how to manipulate people around her and try to cool down the attention to her. 

    Her parents are around since she still lives at home, but they don't care either. Last time when she got put on suicide watch at home, they used to leave her alone when they shouldn't have. 

    She knows I will always be here but she also knows last time her BF didn't do shit to try and save her he was just gonna let her try and kill herself. I was the one who, from a town 1.5 hours away, mobilized everyone and everything in order to save her. She eventually admitted to me she really was going to try and kill herself. 

    I leave tomorrow and she returns from a family getaway on saturday. Our second year of medical school begins in a week (aug 3rd) and I am worried he will crack under the pressure and loose everything. But I know I am doing the best I can and the rest is up to her, as much as it pains me. 

    I have been in a mental health facility before and it helped me a lot, I have been trying to get her to go voluntarily but she is hesitant. So even if I feel helpless, I am calm that I am doing everything I can


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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    I may have mis-read, but did you say in your update that you and your friend are both in medical school together?  If so, when you two go back to school, is there a counselor or anyone at the school you can talk to about your friend?  The school may be able to step in and help your friend as well.

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  • justsiejustsie member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    OliveOilsMom said:

    I may have mis-read, but did you say in your update that you and your friend are both in medical school together?  If so, when you two go back to school, is there a counselor or anyone at the school you can talk to about your friend?  The school may be able to step in and help your friend as well.

    This might be an option as well. I know at my university they had counselors on campus and if you felt concerned for a friend you could let them know and they would reach out. They also collected concerns so if more than 2 added up (like say a professor said something and a friend, or a professor and coach, etc) they were required to go to counselor or seek some type of help. I am sorry I don't know how universities work in PR but maybe you can start asking around? I am in the USA, but I do know that if someone gets arrested for something D&A related it can cause them to not be able to sit for the state tests. If your friend is really passionate about finishing medical school that might also be helpful to point out? Potentially a motivator for her to get some help?

    I'm glad you are able to take care of yourself in the mean time! I'd call my therapist and ask if I could have a few extra minutes of a session to discuss something going on with a friend and get some education about how the MH system works in PR if you felt comfortable enough with your therapist to do that. 
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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    OliveOilsMom said:

    I may have mis-read, but did you say in your update that you and your friend are both in medical school together?  If so, when you two go back to school, is there a counselor or anyone at the school you can talk to about your friend?  The school may be able to step in and help your friend as well.

    Yes we are both in med school but we go to different schools. In May when she was going to attempt I called her school counselors to help her.


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  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I don't read/speak spanish but this is the website that www.suicide.org recommends for help in Puerto Rico.


    Good luck, it's not easy and you sound like a good friend.
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