Father Daughter Dance

fam103 · February 2015

My father unexpectedly passed away 9 months before my wedding day. I'm looking for song suggestions for a father-daughter dance that is light hearted and can be used with someone else who may stand in for my dad.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. Just so you know, you do not have to do anything for this. The father/daughter dance is not required and, honestly, it may feel fake/sad to you to try to and replace him with someone else for this.

Personally, I'd skip it all together and play your dad's favorite song as you walk down the aisle, or during dinner or cake cutting. Something special like that.

climbingsingle · February 2015

I'm sorry about your dad. You don't have to dance with anyone if you don't want to. It's OK to skip it.

If you do still want a dance, you can do what we did. My H danced with his mom while I danced with my dad. You could choose someone close to you to dance with, and then you dance at the same time. That way it's not such a focused parent/child dance, you know? Anyway, we danced to John Lennon's version of Stand By Me.

levioosa · February 2015

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Honestly I would not replace your dad with someone else for the dance. Although I understand the reasoning, it might come off the wrong way. And we both know that no one can truly replace your dad. The spot light dances aren't required anyways. Ditto @southernbelle0915 about suggestions on how to incorporate your dad privately.

CMGragain · February 2015

I think having someone "stand in" for your late father is a very bad idea. Just skip the dance.

Butterflyz419 · February 2015

Sorry for your loss. My father passed away nearly 6 years ago. I will be dancing with my brother to Lynden David Hall's version of "All You Need Is Love" from Love, Actually. This was perfect for me as it combines my dad's love for the Oldies, with our joint love for that movie, and has lyrics appropriate for a brother and sister to dance to. I recently learned as well that the singer Hall, died of a blood cancer, which is what claimed my father's life as well.

You should check out this page: http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-songs/father-daughter-music for more ideas.

sarasbigday2016 · February 2015

I agree, there's a number of ways you can honor him thats not a dance. So sorry for your loss

GloriamGraham · June 2015

I'm in the same (kinda) situation. Only difference is my dad died 6 years ago. My wedding is in August and I'm still trying to figure out what to do. The one thing I always dreamed about as a kid was my father-daughter dance so not having one would just break my heart, but I don't know what to do instead. I'm considering dancing with my brother (who is walking me down the isle) and at some point him handing me over to dance with my FFIL. My FI and I have been dating for 5 years and we have known his family for 8+ years so it won't seem like a disservice to my dad... I hope...

Jen4948 · June 2015

I'm very sorry for your loss.

That said, I wouldn't do a "father-daughter" dance with another person. It will probably just drive home even more painfully for your other guests (some of whom may miss him as much or more than you) that he isn't physically there.

But there are lovely ways to remember your father without evoking grief and loss. You can wear or carry something he owned or was associated with him, you can provide food, drinks, decorations, music, or other entertainment he would have enjoyed, you can mention him in a speech (if you don't overdo it), and you can give him a tribute in a wedding program if you are going to have them. You can donate to charity in his memory (just don't announce it at your wedding,) and if your ceremony is religious, you can also have appropriate prayers said.

klk111415 · June 2015

I went to one wedding where the groom danced with his sisters to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a wonderful world" his mother passed away a long while before his wedding. I thought it was a really nice light hearted song, but this wasn't really a replacement for the mother son dance, just a special dance with his sisters instead. As others have said, don't feel forced to do the "father/daughter dance" with the person who may be walking you down the aisle, unless it's a dance to recognize that person who has stepped in and to thank them, but I would recognize your father in a different way either during the ceremony, or by playing a special song at a separate time.

MissKittyDanger · June 2015

I have a similar situation - except a year and 4 months before my wedding day - and what I'm doing is a mother-daughter dance. It's going to be more upbeat because it's gonna be hard enough.

You can do what you want, but my suggestion is maybe doing something else to honor him that's easier. I'm sewing a piece of his shirt into my dress. He's my something blue.

HappyinLove56 · June 2015

I recently attended a wedding where the bride, who had lost her father, danced with all of her brothers and nephews. It was really beautiful. I think that if you want to do a special dance with a brother or uncle or your FFIL, then go for it. You do whatever you want to do girl. Sorry for your loss.

danafel521 · July 2015

Hi All - I got engaged in December 2013 to a wonderful man, my father passed away unexpectedly from cancer within 6 weeks of his diagnosis. My father was diagnosed with cancer in the end of Janurary 2014, he passed in March 2014....I had originally planned a big wedding but when my father passed, I just couldn't have the big wedding, having a small wedding of about 50-60 people. I had originally didn't want to have a wedding at all but family and finanee reminded me that my father was so excited for me to get married. He was an amazing man. I am and always will be daddys little girl. My father picked the place I am getting married in in November 2015. As the day approaches it just gets harder and harder. My 2 brothers and mother are walking me down the aisle. I am not having a father/daughter dance, I just can't. I don't want it to be in the spotlight so I am going to have the DJ play a song towards the end of the night and I am going to dance with my two brothers but not having the DJ announce anything....As I mentioned I have mixed emotions about the day, I am happy to marry a wonderful man but I am heart broken that my father won't be there. He couldn't wait for this day. So the woman out there who are in the same position as me, can you give me a heads up how you felt that day?

MissKittyDanger · July 2015

danafel521 said:

Hi All - I got engaged in December 2013 to a wonderful man, my father passed away unexpectedly from cancer within 6 weeks of his diagnosis. My father was diagnosed with cancer in the end of Janurary 2014, he passed in March 2014....I had originally planned a big wedding but when my father passed, I just couldn't have the big wedding, having a small wedding of about 50-60 people. I had originally didn't want to have a wedding at all but family and finanee reminded me that my father was so excited for me to get married. He was an amazing man. I am and always will be daddys little girl. My father picked the place I am getting married in in November 2015. As the day approaches it just gets harder and harder. My 2 brothers and mother are walking me down the aisle. I am not having a father/daughter dance, I just can't. I don't want it to be in the spotlight so I am going to have the DJ play a song towards the end of the night and I am going to dance with my two brothers but not having the DJ announce anything....As I mentioned I have mixed emotions about the day, I am happy to marry a wonderful man but I am heart broken that my father won't be there. He couldn't wait for this day. So the woman out there who are in the same position as me, can you give me a heads up how you felt that day?

Same boat as you. No siblings. I get married on August 1st, so I'll let you know how I handled it.

{side note: we are doing a few photos beside our guest book with a cool flameless candle - one of my dad, my grandfathers and my FI's grandfather. The idea is they're invited, but can't be there and nothing in your face about it.}

lpeanut0610 · July 2015

This kind of situation totally sucks. But I am glad to hear that other people have similar ideas. My father passed away 20 years ago and then my mother 5 years ago. So its gonna be extra rough. I decided that I am walking down the aisle by myself. Then for the "daddy daughter dance" I am going to grab some of my uncles and male family members that have been there throughout my life and dance with them. Its my way of honoring them without having to pick which one walks me down the aisle. I am still trying to come up with some ways to work it all in. We are going to need more than one song since I have about 4-5 I want to dance with. I'm going to work it out somehow with my DJ. We are also having a memory table with pictures of all the deceased family with a candle representing them. It might be sad but I can't imagine having my wedding without some mention of my parents and the other people who are no longer with us. Best of luck ladies! I hope all goes well!

Jen4948 · July 2015

lpeanut0610 said:

This kind of situation totally sucks. But I am glad to hear that other people have similar ideas. My father passed away 20 years ago and then my mother 5 years ago. So its gonna be extra rough. I decided that I am walking down the aisle by myself. Then for the "daddy daughter dance" I am going to grab some of my uncles and male family members that have been there throughout my life and dance with them. Its my way of honoring them without having to pick which one walks me down the aisle. I am still trying to come up with some ways to work it all in. We are going to need more than one song since I have about 4-5 I want to dance with. I'm going to work it out somehow with my DJ. We are also having a memory table with pictures of all the deceased family with a candle representing them. It might be sad but I can't imagine having my wedding without some mention of my parents and the other people who are no longer with us. Best of luck ladies! I hope all goes well!

Don't do the bolded. While wanting to remember your deceased loved ones at your wedding is natural, this is likely to cause even more sadness because it is too funereal. Your wedding is supposed to be a day of happiness and rejoicing, even if loved ones are not present, and this calls too much attention to the reason for their absence. Memorials to deceased loved ones need to be subtle, and this has all the subtlety of an oncoming Mack truck.

Some more subtle ways of remembering them that would be appropriate would be to have food, drink, music, decorations, and/or entertainment that they would have enjoyed, give them tributes in a wedding program if you are going to have them, mention them briefly in toasts, and say appropriate prayers if the wedding is religious.

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