Wedding Hair, Makeup, & Beauty Forums

Did your H/SO not like your hair/makeup?

Let me preface by saying my anxiety and stess are at an all time high right now with the wedding being 30 days away, and we've just bought a house, so I'm not thinking clearly and so many irrational thoughts are running through my head.

Anyways, I am worried that my FI will not like my hair and make up the day of. He is very opinionated and picky when it comes to fashion and looks.

He thinks its silly that I don't want him to see my dress, trial pics, etc. He grew up an a casual, non traditional culture where seeing the bride before didn't matter, whereas I am more traditional and don't want him to see me before I walk down the aisle. He also does not like surprises.

He has told me that on the day of, not to ask him what he thinks of how I look because he cannot lie to me (I can always tell when he is lying) and say he thinks it looks good when he doesn't think so. Of course if he does like it, he'll say something.

My anxiety and worry over him possibly not liking my hair/makeup has gotten to the point where I am considering just showing him the trial photos. Obviously I want him to think I look beautiful the day of, so I'm worried that the day will come and he won't say anything and I'll know he doesn't like it and it'll make me feel like shit cuz I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks of how I look except for him - I want him to think I'm beautiful.

But there is also another part of me that doesn't want him to see anything beforehand and also a part of me that thinks, well if he doesn't like it its not the end of the world.

I'm sorry this is long. Now that I've written it all out, I realize how silly it all sounds that I'm getting worked up over this, but anxiety is not rational and my mind has been taken over by irrational thoughts and anxiety.

But anyways, I guess I'm just asking you ladies for what you think and some rational thoughts to help put me at ease and lessen my anxiety.

If you got through this mess of a post, thank you!
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Re: Did your H/SO not like your hair/makeup?

  • This makes me sad that you even have to worry about this...  I'm not a fan him telling you not to ask him how you look, I'm not going to lie...  And so if he says "you look good," you know you're set, but if he doesn't say anything, you know he doesn't like it?  Ugh.  No.  

    But if this is causing you THIS much anxiety already, think of how you might feel on the wedding day!  You don't want that stress.  So, with the circumstances given, I vote just show him the trial pics...  it's not like you're showing him the dress or anything.  Show him the pics, gauge his reaction, and go from there.  This should NOT be something you are worrying about on the happiest day of your life.

    Good luck!
  • behsco90 said:
    Let me preface by saying my anxiety and stess are at an all time high right now with the wedding being 30 days away, and we've just bought a house, so I'm not thinking clearly and so many irrational thoughts are running through my head. Anyways, I am worried that my FI will not like my hair and make up the day of. He is very opinionated and picky when it comes to fashion and looks. He thinks its silly that I don't want him to see my dress, trial pics, etc. He grew up an a casual, non traditional culture where seeing the bride before didn't matter, whereas I am more traditional and don't want him to see me before I walk down the aisle. He also does not like surprises. He has told me that on the day of, not to ask him what he thinks of how I look because he cannot lie to me (I can always tell when he is lying) and say he thinks it looks good when he doesn't think so. Of course if he does like it, he'll say something. My anxiety and worry over him possibly not liking my hair/makeup has gotten to the point where I am considering just showing him the trial photos. Obviously I want him to think I look beautiful the day of, so I'm worried that the day will come and he won't say anything and I'll know he doesn't like it and it'll make me feel like shit cuz I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks of how I look except for him - I want him to think I'm beautiful. But there is also another part of me that doesn't want him to see anything beforehand and also a part of me that thinks, well if he doesn't like it its not the end of the world. I'm sorry this is long. Now that I've written it all out, I realize how silly it all sounds that I'm getting worked up over this, but anxiety is not rational and my mind has been taken over by irrational thoughts and anxiety. But anyways, I guess I'm just asking you ladies for what you think and some rational thoughts to help put me at ease and lessen my anxiety. If you got through this mess of a post, thank you!
    I agree with PP, this should not be something you are worrying about. It comes across as a red flag to me. He comes off as very shallow and mean in your post OP.
  • Oh dear, this is not something you should have to worry about. On your wedding day you will be the most beautiful person to your new spouse. Even if you showed up with dirty hair, undone hair. It's not about the actual style etc, its about the fact you're about to be married that should make you the most beautiful person in his eyes.

    Obviously this is something you can't just 'forget about' and I do think that it was a little mean of him to say that on your wedding day to not ask him how you look. If you don't want to show him your hair trial, could you show him a bunch of 'pinterest' pictures of similar hairstyles and be like, "I'm thinking of doing something like one of these couple pictures, what do you think of them" then you know if he likes the style???

    My FI actually had an idea in his head how he thought he would love to see my hair, based on how I wore it as a bridesmaid once. I really liked it too and we were going to go that route. Come my trial, it just didn't end up working and my stylist and I came up with something else. FI ended up seeing me after my trial as we are from out of town and had to drive home, and he didn't even mention the fact it wasnt the style we had chosen together. Instead he got teary thinking about how that was how I was going to look on our wedding day. It didn't matter to him what the style was...
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  • OP I know this is probably not what you may want to hear right now, but your post really rings alarm bells. It's not that you want your FI to think you look beautiful, and it's not that you are worried about your hair turning out right. It's more that it sounds like you feel worried that you won't be able to safely approach the subject of how you look on your wedding day with him as he 'won't lie'. Well, two things - one is that he shouldn't have to (because they are supposed to always make you feel like you're beautiful)! And the other is that you feel there's a risk his actions (or non actions) might make you 'feel like shit'. This is not acceptable, any time (including your wedding day).

    I'm not judging you OP, I don't know about the rest of your relationship and I can't tell you what to do about this, but it makes me feel really uncomfortable to think that you have this worry on your shoulders. Have you spoken to your FI about how you're feeling? I think if it's making you this worried, a conversation about how he makes you feel is worth having. Before the wedding.
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  • How sad you feel like this.  I can't believe he actually requested you not ask how you look because he might actually say he doesn't like the look.     What a pick move.



    I had a co-worker like you and your FI.   He never made her feel beautiful.  Her self-confidence was horrible.  He control her looks, what she ate, how her exercised.   She developed eating disorder because she was so worried about how he thought she looked.      He even told her she looked fat when she was pregnant.   The woman only gained 15 lbs and started off at barely 100 lbs.      She finally left him, but it was not pretty.



    Please don't be that girl.   There is a difference between being opinionated and controlling.  My husband has preferences, as do I, but we don't make other stress over their looks and call it being "opinionated". 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • IMO, your FI is a total dick.  The fact that you have this much anxiety over this is just horrible.  You should be able to wear a potato sack on your wedding day and your FI should think you are the most beautiful woman that he has ever seen.  Because beauty should be more then just your appearance, it should be the entire package...your heart, mind, soul.

  • This worries me too.

    Your FI should think you're the most beautiful thing imaginable on your wedding day, like every other day. You shouldn't have to worry about him liking your hair and makeup-- the fact that you're there should be more than enough for him.

    If you're not beautiful enough for him on your wedding day, how will it be when you're sick? Pregnant? Stressed? Or going through something?

    Make sure you're 100% certain that you're willing to deal with this before you walk down the aisle. I know that I wouldn't be.
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  • This makes me feel really sad for you!  Everyone is beautiful...and you deserve to feel that way.  I would upset if this were my FI.  I can understand you wanting him to think you look beautiful on your wedding day.  And I think showing him some pictures off of Pinterest or another site might be the way to go if you don't want to show him your trial pics.  Honestly though...this raises a few red flags for me.  While my fiance loves my hair up, he knows I am most comfortable with the way I look when it is down.  And he will not be disappointed no matter how I wear my hair on our wedding day.  That being said, he loves the way I look in a t-shirt with no makeup.  You deserve that too.  My thoughts are definitely with you.  *hugs*
  • Honey bun, you should be able to show up in a gunny sack with dirt on your face, and he should be over the moon.

    He's not marrying you because of how you look.  If YOU think you look beautiful, and you FEEL beautiful, then that's that.  You should feel like the most beautiful version of yourself on your wedding day - and if he says otherwise, he's a colossal douche.

    Show him the trial photos to make yourself feel better.  It's not your dress, it's just a picture, it's okay. 

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
  • First breath......you have a lot of major events going on in your life right now. If you love how you look, that's all that matters. He is going to love how you look no matter what because it's the day you are becoming his wife. With the makeup, don't go for a totally different look, do you, but just glammed up. And for hair, if you are unsure yourself, have him show you a couple of photos of styles that he things would look good on you and go from there. But more then likely, you're just stressing over something you don't need to because you have a TON on your plate right now. And I do agree with PP, if it will help you feel more confident, show him the trail photos, it won't ruin that first look feeling.
  • Okay so I talked with my FI and cleared things up, because I was under the impression that if he didn't like my hair/makeup, he wouldn't think I was beautiful.  But after talking with him, he said that even if it looked like a clown did my makeup/hair, he would still think I was beautiful and tell me that I'm beautiful - he just wouldn't like my makeup/hair.  

    So when he said not to ask him how I look, he didn't mean he wouldn't tell me that I'm beautiful, he just didn't want me to ask him, "Hey do you like my makeup/hair?" because if he didn't, he didn't want to to have to say no.

    Anyways, I'm glad I got that cleared up with him.  I feel much better now knowing that even if he doesn't like it, he'll still think and tell me I'm beautiful.  If he doesn't like the makeup, no big deal.
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  • @behsco90  I think I get what your concern is and I can somewhat relate.  My FI prefers when my hair is down and messy and I'm not made up but on our wedding day I'm planning to kick it up a notch - or several notches.  I think the idea of me having more make up on then usual is weird for him.  

    You are going to look amazing and feel incredible on your special day.  I'm sure it will be obvious how beautiful he find you.  
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  • behsco90 said:

    Okay so I talked with my FI and cleared things up, because I was under the impression that if he didn't like my hair/makeup, he wouldn't think I was beautiful.  But after talking with him, he said that even if it looked like a clown did my makeup/hair, he would still think I was beautiful and tell me that I'm beautiful - he just wouldn't like my makeup/hair.  


    So when he said not to ask him how I look, he didn't mean he wouldn't tell me that I'm beautiful, he just didn't want me to ask him, "Hey do you like my makeup/hair?" because if he didn't, he didn't want to to have to say no.

    Anyways, I'm glad I got that cleared up with him.  I feel much better now knowing that even if he doesn't like it, he'll still think and tell me I'm beautiful.  If he doesn't like the makeup, no big deal.
    Sorry OP, this still makes me feel uncomfortable. Honesty is really important in any relationship, of course. But if my H thought on my wedding day that my makeup made me look like a clown but 'I was still beautiful' despite this then I would still find this very hurtful.

    The stand out thing for me in your posts is that he has requested that you don't ask him how you look. This just rings huge alarm bells for me. I may live in la la land but my expectation of my FI is that when I say, 'how do i look?', the correct and automatic answer is 'wonderful'. I would never accept him telling me not to ask his opinion because he 'can't lie'. That's just too harsh, sorry.
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  • My DH was with me when they did my hair & makeup.  But, he had never seen my dress, nor had any ideas or hints of what it looked like.  So, even though he knew what my hair & make-up looked like, he still was shocked when I started walking down the aisle in my dress.  The whole complete package was still better than he had anticipated.  Chances are that your FI will be thrilled with how you look, no matter what you do.  If you are that worried, does he have preferences on things?  Like, I know DH prefers my hair down, so I wore it down and curly for our wedding.  I wore my makeup more natural, because that's what I prefer.  He does too, but it was more because that's what I was comfortable with.  

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  • Two different photos/styles of hair, one post today that says your wedding is next month and you're doing an updo and another post today that says that you did your own hair for your wedding with your mom's help and it was down with the front pulled back?  Vendor.  @KnotRiley



  • @Viczaesar I already banned her, I asked for an IP check last night to confirm. All of her posts should have disappeared.


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