My wedding has come and gone and I don't often return to The Knot, but I know the posters here are usually super realistic and I just want to get this off of my chest. When I got married last year, I chose to include my best friends from high school in my bridal party. At this point, all of them were still living where we grew up and I had moved around a bit, but I always stayed in touch and they were still my best friends. For context, I moved back to the area about a year ago, a few months before my wedding.
A month or two before my wedding, just after I moved back, one of these bridesmaids got engaged (she's getting married next month). I did not expect to be in her wedding, mainly because she is the "out of sight, out of mind" type and I had been out of sight, and although deep down somewhere there was a little sense of disappointment, I was alright with it and still happy to have had her in mine anyway.
What I hadn't thought about, and what is now endlessly nagging at me, is that I am the only one in our group of friends that is not in her wedding. When I first thought long enough to realize I was the only one, I knew it would be awkward, but now that it's almost here, it's more awkward than I even anticipated. People keep assuming I'm in it and then asking why I'm not, and then, if they're close enough to me, they'll tell me how horrible they think she is for leaving me out, otherwise they'll just make a face halfway between confusion and pity. Even one of the bridesmaids had a slip up (in front of the bride and other bridesmaids) where she forgot I wasn't in it and started talking to me about the rehearsal. The icing on the cake is that there is one more groomsman than bridesmaid - not that that's an issue, but before I could at least pretend she subscribed to the silly notion that you have to have even sides.
She should be able to choose whoever she wants to be in her bridal party, and I do not want to be anywhere I'm not wanted, but I am dreading going to this wedding. She's one of my best friends, and I want to be able to celebrate her without being distracted by my own feelings, but I don't know if I can. It would be different if I wasn't the only one. It might even be different if she had just spoken to me about it. Instead, it's just going to be awkward sitting at the table with the bridesmaids, knowing I'm probably a popular topic of quiet gossip at the other tables (trust me, I know our circle).
TL;DR: My friend was just in my wedding, I am the only one in our group
of friends not in hers, and people keep thinking I'm in it/forgetting I'm
not. I'm not mad and I understand, but it's been really uncomfortable.