My Vows- Constructive Criticism Welcome

Re: My Vows- Constructive Criticism Welcome

• Jen4948 member

  

  July 2015

  FeeleyToBe said:

  Knotties, I'd love your feedback on my vows; here goes something!

  
  

  HeisFeeley,
  

  I promise to be an active participant in our marriage;

  I promise to focus more on what is right between us than what may be wrong;

  I promise to continue to develop myself and give my best to you and our marriage;

  I promise to bring you on adventures and to excite you;

  I promise to support you where I can-  I can’t solve your problems, but I will hold your hand along the way;

  I promise to remember who you are and allow you space to become who you will be;

  I promise to touch you every day we are together;

  I promise to always try to see you and even when our skin wrinkles and our bodies bend, I will look for your true beauty;

  I promise to remind myself I’m not perfect either.

  Above all, I promise that once our time on earth together is over, I will still always love you; and if whenever I can, I will find you and hold you again.

  I mostly like what you have and made a few changes.  The crossed-out things would make me feel a little uncomfortable hearing them as part of wedding vows, so I made a couple of suggestions in green that I hope will work better for you.
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2015

  I agree with Jen about the last part being uncomfortable but the rest sounds great. I give you lots of credit for writing your own!

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2015

  Thank you both; I will sit with those for a bit and look at them from another perspective!

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• Knottie05481694 member

  

  July 2015

  I think the last sentence is beautiful. If you believe in a time that you may see your spouse again, but not in this life time, then why not express it? Your vows are about you and him, no one else. I also like the winkles and bent over part, adds charm and character. 

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• Jen4948 member

  

  July 2015

  Knottie05481694 said:

  I think the last sentence is beautiful. If you believe in a time that you may see your spouse again, but not in this life time, then why not express it? Your vows are about you and him, no one else. I also like the winkles and bent over part, adds charm and character. 

  Those things can make the people witnessing them (and even the ones they're addressed to) feel creeped out.
  

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• kimmiinthemitten member

  

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  Jen4948 said:

  Knottie05481694 said:

  I think the last sentence is beautiful. If you believe in a time that you may see your spouse again, but not in this life time, then why not express it? Your vows are about you and him, no one else. I also like the winkles and bent over part, adds charm and character. 

  Those things can make the people witnessing them (and even the ones they're addressed to) feel creeped out.
  

  I agree with you both actually.  If the afterlife is something you strongly believe in I would include the sentiment but reword it so it sounds less funeraly (not a word, I know).

  
  

  Edited to fix:  words.

  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  July 2015

  One other thing: Does your jurisdiction or your religion require you to incorporate any specific wording into your vows?

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2015

  @Jen4948 we are not religious people and are not having a religious ceremony.  All of the legally required parts that we have to say are being handled by the officiant who is recognized by the state and knows all the "must dos."  So we're free to make our vows entirely our own.
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2015

  kimmiandkoley said:

  Jen4948 said:

  Knottie05481694 said:

  I think the last sentence is beautiful. If you believe in a time that you may see your spouse again, but not in this life time, then why not express it? Your vows are about you and him, no one else. I also like the winkles and bent over part, adds charm and character. 

  Those things can make the people witnessing them (and even the ones they're addressed to) feel creeped out.
  

  I agree with you both actually.  If the afterlife is something you strongly believe in I would include the sentiment but reword it so it sounds less funeraly (not a word, I know).

  
  

  Edited to fix:  words.

  The interesting thing is that I'm kind of a skeptic about the afterlife.  Maybe there is one; if so, I will do all in my power to find him and be with him again.  I don't want to phrase my promise in such a way that assumes there IS an afterlife- because at this point in my life, I can't say that I believe definitively that there is one.
  
  So the trick may be, as @kimmiandkoley said, to make it a bit less.. morbid.
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  Knottie05481694 said:

  I think the last sentence is beautiful. If you believe in a time that you may see your spouse again, but not in this life time, then why not express it? Your vows are about you and him, no one else. I also like the winkles and bent over part, adds charm and character. 

  Thanks- I did spend some time thinking about the suggestions made and I think I am going to leave in the wrinkles and bent over part.  If we're lucky, we'll both live that long.  And you can't escape aging; it's a part of life and a part of growing old with someone.  I will always look for who my (now) Fiance is, no matter what "package" he's in.
  
  I am still on the fence about @Jen4948 's suggestion to remove the part about reminding myself that I'm not perfect either.  I think most couples do get annoyed by one another.  I have had moments where I've gotten huffy, or silently complained about something my fiance does (or doesn't do).  But you know what- I'm sure he does the same with me.  And it's good to remember that if he's not perfect, neither am I, and he puts up with his fair share of my BS too. 
  
  I do like her suggestion on the second promise; it's more straightforward and to the point.
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  July 2015

  FeeleyToBe said:

  Knottie05481694 said:

  I think the last sentence is beautiful. If you believe in a time that you may see your spouse again, but not in this life time, then why not express it? Your vows are about you and him, no one else. I also like the winkles and bent over part, adds charm and character. 

  Thanks- I did spend some time thinking about the suggestions made and I think I am going to leave in the wrinkles and bent over part.  If we're lucky, we'll both live that long.  And you can't escape aging; it's a part of life and a part of growing old with someone.  I will always look for who my (now) Fiance is, no matter what "package" he's in.
  
  I am still on the fence about @Jen4948 's suggestion to remove the part about reminding myself that I'm not perfect either.  I think most couples do get annoyed by one another.  I have had moments where I've gotten huffy, or silently complained about something my fiance does (or doesn't do).  But you know what- I'm sure he does the same with me.  And it's good to remember that if he's not perfect, neither am I, and he puts up with his fair share of my BS too. 
  
  I do like her suggestion on the second promise; it's more straightforward and to the point.
  

  The reason why I suggested removing the "I'm not perfect" part isn't because of your non-perfection, but because I think you said it better earlier in the vows in the second and third lines, so the "I'm not perfect" line seems redundant to me. 

  And while aging is a fact of life, the wrinkles and bent-over part just seemed to me a little too crude.  You might take inspiration from "When I'm 64" by the Beatles if you feel the need to bring that up.
  

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• Knottie05481694 member

  

  July 2015

  Jen4948 said:

  Knottie05481694 said:

  I think the last sentence is beautiful. If you believe in a time that you may see your spouse again, but not in this life time, then why not express it? Your vows are about you and him, no one else. I also like the winkles and bent over part, adds charm and character. 

  Those things can make the people witnessing them (and even the ones they're addressed to) feel creeped out.

  
  

  
  

  I can definitely see where you're coming from thinking others might be "creeped out" by it. I say I think it sounds fine because in my faith we do believe in something along those lines and everyone expect maybe....4 people in attendance believe the same way, so it would not be strange for us or our guests to hear. 

  
  

  But I can see making it sound less "morbid" as originally suggested. 

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