Moms and Maids

Need some tips.....

edited July 2015 in Moms and Maids

Re: Need some tips.....

  • Blackbird230Blackbird230 Connecticut member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    I would evaluate these "friendships" after the wedding for one thing...

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    kimmiinthemitten
  • Well, a lot of this is in the past at this point, so I guess I would say not dwell on it.  Though, I do have to wonder if their budget was consulted beforehand for a few things.

    1.  Pay for dress and shoes - were their budgets consulted beforehand?  If you're dictating shoes, then you should be purchasing them.  If you just said "Any X color shoes are fine" then it's on them, unless you're picking someone way out there.

    2.  They aren't required to throw you a shower or a bachelorette party.

    3.  Your sister planned a bachelorette party - did she consult for budgets before planning this overnight party?  Admittedly, they could have and should have refused the invitation if they couldn't afford it, but if it was planned like your sister assumed they should be contributing and just billed them after, then I could see how that could cause some hard feelings.

    *********************
    But again, all done and over with.  Don't dwell on what's already been done, keep a few alcoholic beverages on hand, adjust your expectations (you say you don't expect them to do anything but in the next breath are mad that they aren't offering), and if they text to complain about things, walk away from your phone.  There's no law that says you have to respond and argue to each and every text you get.  And assess your own priorities.  Is anyone going to give a rat's behind if one girl has her hair up and the other half-up/half-down?  Or is the goal of the day to end up married to your FI?  Pick your battles and let people keep on keepin' on.  This stuff can only get to you if you let it and choose for it to be a priority in your life. 
    OliveOilsMom[Deleted User]
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Hi everyone,
    My wedding is this coming week. 
    I just need to get some tips from everyone on how to proceed this week with my bridal party. The long and the short of it is, my bridesmaids have been awful. I have NOT asked them to do anything out of the norm. They are responsible for their dress and shoes. They should only be responsible for paying for shoes if you tell them to wear any shoe in X neutral.  If you picked out a specific shoe, you should have paid for it.  And if you didn't, you should have asked them each privately what their budget for the dress was.  That's it. I made it optional for getting hair and makeup done, and I bought them their jewelry to wear the day of. They did not have to pay for the shower. My mom and Maid of Honor (sister) paid for everything. Not one girl even offered a penny. And it wasn't their job to, so why are you mentioning it?  For my bachelorette party, my sister planned an overnight. The bridesmaids ended up not paying for some of their share of the cost and did not cover any of my cost, which meant that on top of wedding expenses, I have to cover my total for the weekend because my sister is (rightly so) low on cash now. You should be paying for your major costs on an out-of-town bachelorette party.  As for you saying they didn't pay for some of their share of the cost, that's a) between them and your sister, not you, and b) needs a lot more information to judge on.  Now as we get closer to the date of the wedding, no bridesmaids will contact me, except to tell me what they don't like. They told me that I should be paying for a lot more than I have been. That I am being ridiculous for having us get ready in 2 rooms the morning of. Meh.  Ignore.  But that's only because the rooms are small and not the entire party can fit in one. The rooms are right next door and the doors will be open! Next, they have not offered any sort of help at all.They don't need to. Not that I was asking, but not one girl has asked if she can be of assistance for anything. One girl told me that she needs to have her hair up when I said I might suggest them do half up, half down. You shouldn't be telling them how to do their hair.  That she needs to be prettiest one and everyone needs to look only at her so she needs to look good. Next, one girl texted saying that I was so rude in asking her husband, the best man, to be introduced into the wedding with my sister, the MOH. Another meh.  Then, the icing on the cake, they have all at some point, said that my wedding ideas are f******* stupid. Again, meh.  If you don't want honest feedback, don't share information with them.  Without knowing more about how this went down I can't judge any further.

    What do I do this week to stay calm? Anybody have any suggestions on how to deal with this kind of bridal party? I'm not looking for sympathy....I just need some advise and tips!! Anybody dealt with this during their wedding planning?

    Thank you!!!
    I mean this nicely, but I suggest you get over it.  None of the things you mentioned are egregious, and some of them I'm on their side, not yours.  Just don't expect them to do anything but show up the day of the wedding, which is all they have to do, and focus on the fact that you're going to be marrying the love of your life this week!



    Maggie0829[Deleted User]CMGragain
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I'm sorry they have said your wedding stuff is fucking stupid. As far as the parties or helping you, they had no obligation to contribute, so mentioning that makes you look bad, not them. Just stop worrying about this stuff. There's really nothing to handle.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You have a week to the wedding.  You may not have asked anything from them, but it sure sounds like you expect a lot.  So stop expecting and just focus on the fact that you are getting married in a week.  These BMs are certainly not going to change now.  So the only thing you can do is change your attitude.

    By the way, don't tell them how to do their hair.  Ignore the complaints about having to get ready in two rooms and the one BM who feels the need to be the "prettiest."  They did not have to cover your expenses for your bach party, and you should have been prepared to pay your way.  Since they weren't involved in the planning of the shower they certainly didn't have to pay for anything, let alone offer.

    So the best way to proceed is to ignore any of their negative comments and let go of all your expectations of how you wish they would act.

    OliveOilsMom
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    It would be very nice of you to allow the bridesmaid to be announced into the reception with her own husband.  It doesn't have to be the Best Man & MOH get announced together.  You could easily switch out the Best Man with a different GM to escort your MOH into the reception.  DJ: "Please welcome MOH Sally Jones with GM John Doe.  Now please welcome Best Man Tim Smith and his wife, BM Cindy Smith."

    And even if that BM ends up being the "prettiest" your still the bride in your beautiful dress and center of attention.

    Lastly, it was your MOH's fault if she is short on funds right now.  She should have planned all parties within her own budget or asked the rest of the BP's input on the overall party budget before she planned anything.

  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    You're going to be married at this time next week!  Spend the week enjoying your FI!
    image
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited July 2015
    Here's a tip. Do not dictate hairstyles. Let them wear their hair however they want. Seriously, no one is looking at your bridesmaids's hairstyles. Or their shoes. Or anything else. 
  • Hi everyone,
    My wedding is this coming week. 
    I just need to get some tips from everyone on how to proceed this week with my bridal party. The long and the short of it is, my bridesmaids have been awful. I have NOT asked them to do anything out of the norm. They are responsible for their dress and shoes. That's it. I made it optional for getting hair and makeup done, and I bought them their jewelry to wear the day of. I hope you aren't using this as their gift, it's a gift for you not them...They did not have to pay for the shower. My mom and Maid of Honor (sister) paid for everything. Not one girl even offered a penny. It's not their responsibility to pay since they didn't host, be happy they showed up to support you. For my bachelorette party, my sister planned an overnight. The bridesmaids ended up not paying for some of their share of the cost and did not cover any of my cost, If they didn't cover some of theirs then that is between them and your sister, as for not covering yours I would not expect to be covered, if it was covered that would be very generous which meant that on top of wedding expenses, I have to cover my total for the weekend because my sister is (rightly so) low on cash now. Now as we get closer to the date of the wedding, no bridesmaids will contact me, except to tell me what they don't like. They told me that I should be paying for a lot more than I have been. That I am being ridiculous for having us get ready in 2 rooms the morning of. But that's only because the rooms are small and not the entire party can fit in one. The rooms are right next door and the doors will be open! Honestly it kind of sounds like you're kind of looking for negative things... Sometimes it's easy to get tunnel vision and only see things one way. Next, they have not offered any sort of help at all. Not that I was asking, but not one girl has asked if she can be of assistance for anything. You shouldn't expect them to do anything. You haven't asked and they haven't offered so just let this go no harm is done. One girl told me that she needs to have her hair up when I said I might suggest them do half up, half down. That she needs to be prettiest one and everyone needs to look only at her so she needs to look good. Who cares how they wear their hair, I HATE having my hair down, even half down it just bothers me, if I'm doing my hair I'm putting it up. If you're paying to have my hair done then I'll let you pick the style but I'm taking a hair tie with me and putting it up during the reception. Next, one girl texted saying that I was so rude in asking her husband, the best man, to be introduced into the wedding with my sister, the MOH. This is VERY Rude... They are married and should be announced together. Then, the icing on the cake, they have all at some point, said that my wedding ideas are f******* stupid. Based on the rest of this post you've probably had some bad ideas and as friends they were probably trying to steer you in the correct direction.

    What do I do this week to stay calm? Anybody have any suggestions on how to deal with this kind of bridal party? I'm not looking for sympathy....I just need some advise and tips!! Anybody dealt with this during their wedding planning?

    Thank you!!!
    Points made above in green. Honestly the planning and parties are over so let that all go and focus on marrying your fiance. Apologize to your girls and tell them they can wear their hair however they want and whatever shoes they want though I'm guessing they already have their shoes by now. Also tell your one bridesmaid you're sorry and will let her be announced with her husband. Finally drink a glass (or bottle) of wine and get ready to be married next week!
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  • Deleting your original post is so rude!  It is also pointless, since you were quoted.
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  • And so it goes...

    image

    Again, because I'm 12.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Hi everyone,
    My wedding is this coming week. 
    I just need to get some tips from everyone on how to proceed this week with my bridal party. The long and the short of it is, my bridesmaids have been awful. I have NOT asked them to do anything out of the norm. They are responsible for their dress and shoes. That's it. I made it optional for getting hair and makeup done, and I bought them their jewelry to wear the day of. I hope you aren't using this as their gift, it's a gift for you not them...They did not have to pay for the shower. My mom and Maid of Honor (sister) paid for everything. Not one girl even offered a penny. It's not their responsibility to pay since they didn't host, be happy they showed up to support you. For my bachelorette party, my sister planned an overnight. The bridesmaids ended up not paying for some of their share of the cost and did not cover any of my cost, If they didn't cover some of theirs then that is between them and your sister, as for not covering yours I would not expect to be covered, if it was covered that would be very generous which meant that on top of wedding expenses, I have to cover my total for the weekend because my sister is (rightly so) low on cash now. Now as we get closer to the date of the wedding, no bridesmaids will contact me, except to tell me what they don't like. They told me that I should be paying for a lot more than I have been. That I am being ridiculous for having us get ready in 2 rooms the morning of. But that's only because the rooms are small and not the entire party can fit in one. The rooms are right next door and the doors will be open! Honestly it kind of sounds like you're kind of looking for negative things... Sometimes it's easy to get tunnel vision and only see things one way. Next, they have not offered any sort of help at all. Not that I was asking, but not one girl has asked if she can be of assistance for anything. You shouldn't expect them to do anything. You haven't asked and they haven't offered so just let this go no harm is done. One girl told me that she needs to have her hair up when I said I might suggest them do half up, half down. That she needs to be prettiest one and everyone needs to look only at her so she needs to look good. Who cares how they wear their hair, I HATE having my hair down, even half down it just bothers me, if I'm doing my hair I'm putting it up. If you're paying to have my hair done then I'll let you pick the style but I'm taking a hair tie with me and putting it up during the reception. Next, one girl texted saying that I was so rude in asking her husband, the best man, to be introduced into the wedding with my sister, the MOH. This is VERY Rude... They are married and should be announced together.  Then, the icing on the cake, they have all at some point, said that my wedding ideas are f******* stupid. Based on the rest of this post you've probably had some bad ideas and as friends they were probably trying to steer you in the correct direction.

    What do I do this week to stay calm? Anybody have any suggestions on how to deal with this kind of bridal party? I'm not looking for sympathy....I just need some advise and tips!! Anybody dealt with this during their wedding planning?

    Thank you!!!
    Points made above in green. Honestly the planning and parties are over so let that all go and focus on marrying your fiance. Apologize to your girls and tell them they can wear their hair however they want and whatever shoes they want though I'm guessing they already have their shoes by now. Also tell your one bridesmaid you're sorry and will let her be announced with her husband. Finally drink a glass (or bottle) of wine and get ready to be married next week!
    The red bolding is incorrect. It's not at all rude to announce the best man and MOH together at a wedding even if they are married to or in relationships with others, nor is it at all rude not to announce the spouse of a wedding party member who is not in the wedding party.  This spouse can and should get the f over herself.  She is not entitled to an apology and shouldn't receive one for non-rudeness.  If anything she should be the one making an apology to the OP for her own rudeness.
    snowywinter
  • MegEn1MegEn1 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Came for the bat-signal.

    FWIW I know at least one of my bridesmaids is likely going to out-gorgeous me. She's a stunning woman on a bad day and when I gave them colors for the bridesmaid gowns she happened to have a several thousand dollar tailored designer gown in the right color. She hemmed and hawed about it but I told her to wear it -- if you're not going to wear a rig like that to a wedding when will you wear it? Hell I'm almost positive it cost more than my wedding dress and this girl is a fashionista. 

    But then even in a burlap sack this girl is stunning. So. 

    Life goes on. If she has to be ugly for you to feel beautiful, that's something you have to work on yourself. There's always going to be a prettier girl. 

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