Inviting family amidst a rift...

Re: Inviting family amidst a rift...

• AddieCake member

  

  July 2015

  Have you told your dad how you feel?

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• CMGragain member

  

  July 2015

  Your guests are responsible for their own behavior.  If Dad chooses to act rudely, it will only make him look bad, not you.  Talk to him.  He has no right to exclude your guest choice.
  

  

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• arrrghmatey member

  

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  eadavis87 said:

  So here's the deal, we're putting together our guest list and my father has come out strongly against me inviting his sister (my aunt) due to bad blood that has developed over the years stemming from the passing of their father. To my father, she is dead to him. However, my aunt and I have a good relationship and I want her at my wedding. However, I do have concerns that they may not remain civil throughout the day. My fiancé and I are paying for almost all of the wedding ourselves, my parents did help out with about 20% of our current budget. I just want to have my whole family there while I get married. How can I do this and keep the peace?

  So….I'm having almost the exact same situation. Dad and his sister do not talk ever since their mother passed away 10 years ago and now my aunt has caused a lot of bad blood between her and the rest of the family. However, aunt is very close to my sister, and while I've had a few negative opinions about my aunt because of some things she has done, I don't hold anything personal against her. 

  
  

  My parents are contributing a lot to our wedding, and I ran the possible issue of inviting aunt to my wedding. I, personally, would like to invite her and let her decide if she wants to show up. I ran this by Dad and he said it is my wedding, and understands it would be best so that I don't get wrapped up into their drama since I have nothing to do with their quarrels. 

  
  

  I'm inviting everyone in my family. Whether they decide to show up is up to them. If my aunt does decide to come, I will place her at a table at the opposite end of the room from my father and the rest of the family who despises her. I'd hope (and believe) that everyone will behave themselves for the sake of a wedding.

  
  

  If you are your FI are paying for your wedding, the guest list is ultimately up to you, and you can invite anyone you wish. But if I were you, I would run it by dad to let him know your feelings on the matter.

  
  

  Edit: words.

                                   

  
  

                                                 

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  July 2015

  Did your parents indicate how they wanted their money spent?  If they said they wanted it to go to food or the bar, then I think you need to be prepared to give your parents their money back since you want to invite aunt. 

  But you won't know how your dad will react until you tell him.  "Dad,  I know that you and aunt have no relationship.  But I have a good relationship with aunt and FI and I have decided to invite her to our wedding"

  If your dad refuses to come because you want to invite aunt, then you can either call his bluff or tell him how upset that makes you.  If dad wants to pull his funds, then give them back and pay for your wedding 100%.

  If you invite aunt, make sure she is at a table in the reception far from your father to lessen the chances they will interact.  And as PP said, if either of them act out, it will only reflect poorly upon them, not you.

  

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• SP29 member

  

  July 2015

  I would invite your aunt if you want here there and be sure to seat her away from your dad.
  
  Of course tell your dad this. Explain that she is important to you, and you'd like her there and while you don't expect him to talk to her at all, you would expect him to remain civil.
  
  They really don't have to engage at all if they are seated at separate tables.
  

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• 500days member

  

  July 2015

  My father does not get along with my uncle and my aunt does not get along with another uncle. This all happened after my grandmother and grandfather passed away. They were nice to each other when their parents were alive; the talons came out after their parents passed. 

  
  

  I paid for my wedding so I invited everyone, as I have never had problems with any aunt or uncle. That's all them. I also couldn't afford to place everyone on their own island so my family sat at a long table of 12 and the people that didn't like each other sat at opposite ends. People only sat at their tables for speeches/dinner and then everyone was dancing/mingling. It really wasn't a problem at all for me. PPs are correct, guests are responsible for their own behavior. 

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