Long engagement invitation timeline

JediElizabeth · July 2015

Hi! I'm new (just engaged this summer) but in need of advice!

I'm not sure if this is more etiquette or invites, so please bear with me if I'm wrong.

My FH and I got engaged in May, and have our venue and date set for April 2017, giving us a nice leisurely 2 year engagement. Most of my friends and family know the date and some know the venue, and since we're a small community, pretty much everyone (except coworkers) I've talked to about the wedding will be invited. FH's family is more spread out, so they'll be travelling from all over the country if they can come.

I'm already working on the stationary, and I'm wondering if there's a problem with my timeline. The venue asks for 4 weeks notice for a final count, and the hotel wants a count around the same time. I'm thinking:

Save the Dates - sent 10-11 months in advance, for those travelling across the country to have plenty of time to plan

Invites - sent 3-4 months in advance

RSVP - about 2 months in advance

I want a long window so people have just as much time to plan as we do, and I want a lot of wiggle room because I know my family will make last minute changes. But is it considered rude to ask people to RSVP so far in advance? Or just uncommon?

Maggie0829 · July 2015

Knottie25841876 said:

Hi! I'm new (just engaged this summer) but in need of advice!

I'm not sure if this is more etiquette or invites, so please bear with me if I'm wrong.

My FH and I got engaged in May, and have our venue and date set for April 2017, giving us a nice leisurely 2 year engagement. Most of my friends and family know the date and some know the venue, and since we're a small community, pretty much everyone (except coworkers) I've talked to about the wedding will be invited. FH's family is more spread out, so they'll be travelling from all over the country if they can come.

I'm already working on the stationary, and I'm wondering if there's a problem with my timeline. The venue asks for 4 weeks notice for a final count, and the hotel wants a count around the same time. I'm thinking:

Save the Dates - sent 10-11 months in advance, for those travelling across the country to have plenty of time to plan
Invites - sent 3-4 months in advance
RSVP - about 2 months in advance

I want a long window so people have just as much time to plan as we do, and I want a lot of wiggle room because I know my family will make last minute changes. But is it considered rude to ask people to RSVP so far in advance? Or just uncommon?

Yes it is rude to ask for RSVPs that far in advance. I would push back on your venue because a month prior is ridiculous. I would ask for 2 weeks out and then compromise on 3 weeks out.

But regardless your invites should not go out any sooner then 10 weeks out from your wedding date (and that is pushing it)

The point of the STD is to give notice to your family and friends. They will be given almost a years notice to plan. That is more then enough time for them to make any travel arrangements and to ask off from work if necessary.

ShesSoCold · July 2015

Knottie25841876 said:

Hi! I'm new (just engaged this summer) but in need of advice!

I'm not sure if this is more etiquette or invites, so please bear with me if I'm wrong.

My FH and I got engaged in May, and have our venue and date set for April 2017, giving us a nice leisurely 2 year engagement. Most of my friends and family know the date and some know the venue, and since we're a small community, pretty much everyone (except coworkers) I've talked to about the wedding will be invited. FH's family is more spread out, so they'll be travelling from all over the country if they can come.

I'm already working on the stationary, and I'm wondering if there's a problem with my timeline. The venue asks for 4 weeks notice for a final count, and the hotel wants a count around the same time. I'm thinking:

Save the Dates - sent 10-11 months in advance, for those travelling across the country to have plenty of time to plan
Invites - sent 3-4 months in advance
RSVP - about 2 months in advance

I want a long window so people have just as much time to plan as we do, and I want a lot of wiggle room because I know my family will make last minute changes. But is it considered rude to ask people to RSVP so far in advance? Or just uncommon?

That is definitely too far in advance. Your STDs are fine, but invitations should go out no sooner than 8-10 weeks out and the RSVP should be about a week before your venue and/or caterer need firm numbers. Usually that is about 3-7 days before the wedding so your RSVP date would be about a week before that, giving you time to contact those who haven't sent the card back.

pinkcow13 · July 2015

Congrats on your engagement! Asking someone to RSVP 2 months in advance is a bit much. People may forget, etc, and yea it's pretty rude. I would definitely ask the venue to see if you can give them final numbers maybe a week or 2 before your wedding.

lyndausvi · July 2015

Since your venues wants counts 4 weeks out, put the RSVP at 5 weeks. That said I would ask the venue if you can give them counts 2-3 weeks out. 4 weeks is ridiculous. Ask if you can give them soft numbers 4 weeks out, hard numbers 2-3 weeks. There is no reason they need hard numbers 4 weeks out. They are not making the furniture or ordering food that far out. They know there will be fall out and want you to pay for the higher amount.

STD - 9-12 months out

Invites 8-10 weeks is standard. You can push it to 12 if you want.

RSVP - no more than 5 weeks if you are forced to keep the 4 week out with the venue. Other wise make it a no more than a week before the counts are due to the venue.

ShesSoCold · July 2015

lyndausvi said:

Since your venues wants counts 4 weeks out, put the RSVP at 5 weeks. That said I would ask the venue if you can give them counts 2-3 weeks out. 4 weeks is ridiculous. Ask if you can give them soft numbers 4 weeks out, hard numbers 2-3 weeks. There is no reason they need hard numbers 4 weeks out. They are not making the furniture or ordering food that far out. They know there will be fall out and want you to pay for the higher amount.

STD - 9-12 months out
Invites 8-10 weeks is standard. You can push it to 12 if you want.
RSVP - no more than 5 weeks if you are forced to keep the 4 week out with the venue. Other wise make it a no more than a week before the counts are due to the venue.

Ooooohhhhhhhh reading fail on my part.

Everything Lynda said. I would definitely push back with the venue on needing firm numbers four weeks out. I needed firm numbers three days before.

lyndausvi · July 2015

ShesSoCold said:

show previous quotes

lyndausvi said:

Since your venues wants counts 4 weeks out, put the RSVP at 5 weeks. That said I would ask the venue if you can give them counts 2-3 weeks out. 4 weeks is ridiculous. Ask if you can give them soft numbers 4 weeks out, hard numbers 2-3 weeks. There is no reason they need hard numbers 4 weeks out. They are not making the furniture or ordering food that far out. They know there will be fall out and want you to pay for the higher amount.

STD - 9-12 months out
Invites 8-10 weeks is standard. You can push it to 12 if you want.
RSVP - no more than 5 weeks if you are forced to keep the 4 week out with the venue. Other wise make it a no more than a week before the counts are due to the venue.

Ooooohhhhhhhh reading fail on my part.

Everything Lynda said. I would definitely push back with the venue on needing firm numbers four weeks out. I needed firm numbers three days before.

so did I. Pretty much every place I've worked was the same. This 4 week thing is BS.

OP - I get you have a long engagement, but quite simply it doesn't affect your guests at all. You are getting married in 2017. I could have 2 kids by then. Long or short engagements the timeline is pretty much the same. The only exception might be STDs. Which are not required anyway.

JediElizabeth · July 2015

Thank you everyone! We'll tentatively plan to ask for RSVPs 4-5 weeks out, and see if we can't get a better date for a firm number from the venue.

MrsMack10612 · July 2015

We sent out invitations out 12 weeks ahead and needed firm numbers 1 week out.

We live in a major tourist location and got married at the beginning of the high month, we wanted to be sure our guests had enough notice to try to get hotel rooms. We got 2 blocks, but it's still a very tricky time of year.

kvruns · July 2015

My venue also required 4 weeks and I tried to push back and make it a shorter time frame but they would not budge. No idea why they needed that long but at the end of the day I don't think it made a difference with RSVPs

marie2785 · July 2015

4 weeks out is REALLY far in advance for a venue! My cake baker and reception venue want an "firm" estimate 2 weeks out for the headcount and in the case of the reception venue, menu choices. They want the final count 7 days out including who gets what and where they sit. This is so they have time to order all the ingredients (aka our baker doesn't usually have nutella in stock, so needs time to get it. Our reception site doesn't usually have 75 NY strip steaks lying around, so they need to order them).

We ended up not going with the same company for place cards that did our reception programs and invites because they wanted a final headcount and table assignments 4 weeks out. It would have been awesome to match all of the stationary, but we aren't getting the info back until 3 weeks ahead of the wedding, and then we'll be tracking down the late responses for a week.

So yea, having a reasonable response time does mean some things get sacrificed, but it's survivable.

SP29 · August 2015

Ask for your RSVPs one week prior to the date your venue needs numbers (so 5 weeks right now).

I would ask your venue about the 4 weeks- WHY?? That does seem odd. My venue stated in the contract that they needed final numbers 14 days out.

I get that you want to give people lots of time to plan, but that's what the STDs are for. Invitations/RSVPs are firm requests/responses. You should know who are you inviting, for sure. And your guests should know if they can come or not, for sure. If you send out your invites/ ask for responses too early you put yourself/ guests in a position where a guest may not know their work schedule that far in advance or they haven't gotten their vacation request back, a guest may have a change in relationship status, you decide later that you really want to invite a new friend you've made (but in this case you would essentially be B-listing), etc.

Long engagement invitation timeline

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