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To send or not to send?

Knottie91800232Knottie91800232 member
5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We're getting married in a month. FI was on the fence about inviting a married couple he knows from HS.

So back in June we had a BBQ, they showed up, and he decided at that point he wanted to invite them, then he emailed the husband for their address. Never heard back and told me to take their names off the list. FI said he did not ask them for their address specifically for wedding purposes, just asked for their address. Although I'm sure if the wife even heard we asked, she would've known that's what it was for.

Now we're a month out, and yesterday FI says, "Oh, by the way, J wrote me back with his address today. Should we still invite them?"  Lateness notwithstanding, we still want to invite them. But now it's really rude-late.

Should we mail them an invite ASAP with an apology or something? Our RSVP deadline is Friday. That's not an issue logistically, we left wiggle room, but it'll look pretty tacky when they get an invite on the 9th with an RSVP deadline for the 7th. What would you do next?
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Re: To send or not to send?

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2015
    I guess my first question is, when did you ask them for their address? And if you wanted to invite them, why didn't you follow up when the husband didn't respond? It sounds like you're not really sold on inviting them, and since it's a month out, I'd skip it. If you send it now, even though he did just receive the address, I think it might look a bit like a b-list invite. I know that's not what you're actually doing, but still.

    If you sent me an invite that late and apologized because you were waiting for my address, I probably would be like "Why didn't you ask again?" or "Why didn't you just tell me you were planning to invite me?" You know?

    ETF: time
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I would go ahead and invite them and explain that you had been waiting on an address to do so.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    AddieCake said:
    I would go ahead and invite them and explain that you had been waiting on an address to do so.
    Yep. I'm with Addie. As per usual. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited August 2015
    abcdevonn said:
    I guess my first question is, when did you ask them for their address? And if you wanted to invite them, why didn't you follow up when the husband didn't respond? It sounds like you're not really sold on inviting them, and since it's a month out, I'd skip it. If you send it now, even though he did just receive the address, I think it might look a bit like a b-list invite. I know that's not what you're actually doing, but still.

    If you sent me an invite that late and apologized because you were waiting for my address, I probably would be like "Why didn't you ask again?" or "Why didn't you just tell me you were planning to invite me?" You know?

    ETF: time

    They shouldn't have to "ask again." The couple should have given the address when asked. Of course, maybe they didn't see the email until now, so not really their fault, either, if that's the case. The couple shouldn't not be invited just because of an address holdup if the bride and groom still want them invited. I know I would understand if this happened and not feel B-listed.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    ShesSoCold said:
    AddieCake said:
    I would go ahead and invite them and explain that you had been waiting on an address to do so.
    Yep. I'm with Addie. As per usual. 
    Yep.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    AddieCake said:
    abcdevonn said:
    I guess my first question is, when did you ask them for their address? And if you wanted to invite them, why didn't you follow up when the husband didn't respond? It sounds like you're not really sold on inviting them, and since it's a month out, I'd skip it. If you send it now, even though he did just receive the address, I think it might look a bit like a b-list invite. I know that's not what you're actually doing, but still.

    If you sent me an invite that late and apologized because you were waiting for my address, I probably would be like "Why didn't you ask again?" or "Why didn't you just tell me you were planning to invite me?" You know?

    ETF: time

    They shouldn't have to "ask again." The couple should have given the address when asked. Of course, maybe they didn't see the email until now, so not really their fault, either, if that's the case. The couple shouldn't not be invited just because of an address holdup if the bride and groom still want them invited. I know I would understand if this happened and not feel B-listed.
    The couple definitely should have, but they could have forgotten or, like you said, just not seen the email. IMO, because they were on the fence anyway, it's easier to just not send it. But, I also thought it was like a week or two away when I posted that, so I think it's not so bad if there is a bit more time until the wedding.
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    JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    AddieCake said:
    I would go ahead and invite them and explain that you had been waiting on an address to do so.
    I agree, but I'd add to this that I'd also give them a call, not just another email or note in the invite. 

    Especially if they don't check their email regularly, as PPs have suggested, it will ensure that they get the message. And it's always easier to misconstrue an explanation or think it's just an excuse if it's written down - a call has the dual purpose of showing them that it's worth taking time out of your day to talk to them, and that you're sincere. 
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    ShesSoCold said:
    AddieCake said:
    I would go ahead and invite them and explain that you had been waiting on an address to do so.
    Yep. I'm with Addie. As per usual. 
    Yep.
    Another yep.
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    lightningsnowlightningsnow member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    I agree with PPs. We had a similar situation happen with us and mutual friends. We got a phone call from the bride asking if we were coming to their wedding a couple of weeks prior to the wedding. Turns out they forgot to send our invitation out. Luckily they let us know in enough time to work with our managers to get the day off and go. We told them we would never miss their wedding.
    Formerly known as bubbles053009





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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I got an evite from a friend asking for my address.  Because it was an evite rather than a personal message, I ignored it.  It specifically said that they wanted addresses to invite us to their (PPD) wedding in September.  If she really wants my address she can find another way to get it.  My friend knows my phone number, my email address, my facebook info, my mother's facebook info, my mother's phone number, talks to my mother on skype once a month, AND has my most current address from the Christmas card I sent last year.  I chose not to pay attention to the mass ask.  If you really wanted their address you would have tried a tidge harder.  I think at this point it's too late to invite them.
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Just a few days ago my sister's emails ended up in my junk mailbox.  We email each other all the time.   Not sure why it ended up there, but I only found out because she texted me wondering why  I had not responded.

    As the sender you should always do a follow up.  Especially with emails or FB.  Some people just do not look at them everyday.  Some end up in spam or junk folders. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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