out of idle curiosity / slight vent

thisismynickname2 · August 2015

Hi there,

Ultimate question- what do you do when you attend a wedding where you know almost no one but the happy couple?

The venting part: I readily accepted an invite to a wedding of my friend from college. It's in a month. He's a quieter guy; I've met some of his other friends here and there, but they tend to keep to themselves at gatherings. Since I sent in my RSVP, I'm realizing that not only will I know maybe one other couple that I actually want to talk to... but that another woman whom I hate is also going. Since we all went to college together, the odds of me having to sit at her table are very high. Fuckfuckfuck.

I'm not the best with making small talk with strangers, although DH is better at it than I am. This just increases my awkwardness. I'm actually starting to dread this wedding now, and that sucks. I care a lot about my friend and can't wait to see him get married. His fiance is wonderful. I also don't want to just, like, leave right after dinner or something because this couple danced their butts off till midnight at my wedding. DH isn't really a dancer so I feel like I'll be doing a lot of awkward standing around. Ugh.

</end vent >

lyndausvi · August 2015

I'm able to make small talk with people so it's never been an issue for me. Drinking helps too.

NowIamMrsKlein · August 2015

I usually leave after dinner to be honest.

FI and I have been to a couple where we didn't know anyone besides the bride and groom and really didn't find that we clicked with the people we were sat with at dinner. We stayed for ceremony/dinner/speeches/first dance, congratulated the bride and groom and then left.

Both of us are a little awkward and shy around strangers and neither are big drinkers or dancers so we felt like this was our best and most polite option. We got to witness them getting married which is the most important part.

STARMOON44 · August 2015

I go, talk politely to other people there, eat, drink, and dance.

AddieCake · August 2015

Just go. It's not like you will be alone; your husband will be with you.

beachyone15 · August 2015

You could just attend the ceremony.

novella1186 · August 2015

Drink. (But don't drink too much. You don't want to be THAT guest.) If I'm having a hard time making small talk, I just check out people's outfits and compliment them on whatever.

Me: "I love your shoes!"

Random stranger at event, "Oh thanks!"

Me: "Where did you get them?"

Stranger: "Macy's."

Me: "I love Macy's! Blah blah blah random chatter" and so on.

FWIW we're going to a wedding in a couple weeks and I plan to leave right after the ceremony. We're not going to know anyone else there, and it's being catered by Chipotle which probably sounds awesome to most people but with my stomach issues, there's not a chance I will be able to eat, and I can't drink. Plus it's an outdoor reception and it has been miserably hot and humid now.

So sitting around in the heat, not eating, not drinking, with a bunch of strangers? Yeah, no. I was considering just declining but it's like 10 minutes from my house and I happen to be totally free that weekend so I felt like an asshole declining for basically no reason.

kvruns · August 2015

novella1186 said:

Drink. (But don't drink too much. You don't want to be THAT guest.) If I'm having a hard time making small talk, I just check out people's outfits and compliment them on whatever.

Me: "I love your shoes!"
Random stranger at event, "Oh thanks!"
Me: "Where did you get them?"
Stranger: "Macy's."
Me: "I love Macy's! Blah blah blah random chatter" and so on.

FWIW we're going to a wedding in a couple weeks and I plan to leave right after the ceremony. We're not going to know anyone else there, and it's being catered by Chipotle which probably sounds awesome to most people but with my stomach issues, there's not a chance I will be able to eat, and I can't drink. Plus it's an outdoor reception and it has been miserably hot and humid now.

So sitting around in the heat, not eating, not drinking, with a bunch of strangers? Yeah, no. I was considering just declining but it's like 10 minutes from my house and I happen to be totally free that weekend so I felt like an asshole declining for basically no reason.

I'll be your proxy for the reception mmmmchipotlemmmmmm

aliwis000 · August 2015

AddieCake said:

Just go. It's not like you will be alone; your husband will be with you.

I agree.

I have been to many weddings where my FI knew everyone and I knew nobody. Small talk can only go so far so I go into it knowing I will not have the same level of fun that I would have if I knew everyone there. However, it is a good way to meet a few new people and at the end of the day you are there to celebrate the bride and groom. So go, enjoy some cake and make an exit before the couple leaves.

Note: I have sat at a wedding where I did not talk for 20min because my FI and his friends just kept going and going about where they all used to work and who is still there, who moved etc etc. Boring. So I got up and walked around some and just chilled alone a bit. Weddings are great places to people watch, besides, my FI has come to events where he is the newbie his share as well.

princessleia22 · August 2015

I went to a wedding a few years ago for one of my best friends from high school. Most of his family hates me for various reasons and I at one time was engaged to his brother (which surprisingly has nothing to do with family not liking me). I likely wouldn't know anyone beyond the few people that didn't like me. Plus, the wedding was across country from where I currently live. I was tempted to skip it, but I really wanted to be there to support my friend... so DH (then boyfriend) and I decided to go. I knew very few people there and most of the ones I knew don't like me. To make it worse, I got sat at the same table as my ex-fiance & his new girlfriend... I was fine with it, but he apparently wasn't and quickly switched seats with someone. We talked to a few people at our table, but for the most part DH just kept to ourselves. We stuck around for a while and had a good time. I figure it made a nice date night for the two of us.

hellohkb · August 2015

I stick with my fiance and down a few drinks. FH is super good at making small talk, I'm HORRIBLE at it. So usually he finds people to rope into a conversation.

Though he's one of *those* people who will trap you into a conversation when you obviously need to move along and I kind of shut that down lol.

anjemon · August 2015

I actually met a pair of fairly good friends (now) at a wedding where the only people I knew were in the bridal party (and at the head table). The guy new H from the gaming store and they were really friendly/chatty. So we sat together at the table and they were really nice. She actually came to my bachelorette party this spring and we seem them fairly frequently for game nights now.

It really helps that they were friendly and I am good at small talk when I don't have to be the one to initiate conversation. But it can happen.

But I understand your worry OP. It's awkward.

mrscomposer · August 2015

We were just at this wedding. It proved (again) that J and I can have fun with just the two of us. We were at a table with my former supervisor and her husband, so we made small talk for a while and then just did our own thing. We left after the first dance/cake cutting/table visits.

thisismynickname2 · August 2015

Thanks for the feedback!

Yeah, DH and I can have fun on our own with a date night kind of attitude. I wish he were more of a dancer though. I can definitely have fun dancing but I'll feel bad leaving him to sit at a table knowing no one. Maybe I'll get him drunk so he dances more. Haha.

I just have to snap out of my negative attitude. Maybe it'll be a huge wedding and the bride's side will be interesting to meet! Being on the shy side just really sucks sometimes.

[Deleted User] · August 2015

I went to one for a co-worker who had just started about 6 months before her wedding. I was the only person from our department who went to the wedding (it was about 3 hours away). I knew her, had met her then fiance once (shook his hand when he dropped off her lunch for her one day), and the person who went as my date.

I wasn't as good with small-talk then; we were seated at a table set for 10 but there were only six of us and we were like, "the randos." People that didn't fit a big enough "circle' and so none of us knew each other.

Actually, this is most weddings I've been two- I might know 2-4 other guests. My cousins aren't married or if they are, didn't have weddings / receptions.

jacques27 · August 2015

thisismynickname said:

Thanks for the feedback!

Yeah, DH and I can have fun on our own with a date night kind of attitude. I wish he were more of a dancer though. I can definitely have fun dancing but I'll feel bad leaving him to sit at a table knowing no one. Maybe I'll get him drunk so he dances more. Haha.

I just have to snap out of my negative attitude. Maybe it'll be a huge wedding and the bride's side will be interesting to meet! Being on the shy side just really sucks sometimes.

Here's the thing though - you're never going to get better at it or feel better about it unless you practice. I mean, I get it, small talk is like my own personal level of hell. I hate it and I wasn't very good at it and I am very private and don't willingly share a lot of details about myself. And then I realized my avoidance of things like that was making my world a little smaller and I was missing out on opportunities and getting to know interesting people because of it. So, I made myself practice. And I'm still not great at it and I'll often walk away from people thinking "Gee, I probably should have taken a little more interest and asked them a follow-up question or asked about their day," and I'm still an introverted gal at heart who enjoys her alone time, but it's a little less lonely and a little more interesting in my world now that I've cast my net a little wider. And weddings are the perfect place to practice. There's zero commitment involved, there's no great expectations like trying to network at a work function, and assuming you drink alcohol, with a drink or two everybody is a little chattier and a little less inhibited.

MairePoppy · August 2015

I'm a talker and a drinker. I can usually find someone to chat with in any given situation. If the first person you hit up isn't receptive move on to another person. Don't take it personally and retreat. Reintroduce yourself and your husband to those friends who usually keep to themselves. They might have SOs that are more interesting and friendly.

out of idle curiosity / slight vent

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