Officiant Staying for Dinner

october412bride · August 2015

How do I find out if my officiant is planning to stay for dinner? Do I just ask, "Are you planning to stay for the cocktail hour and dinner? Are you bringing your spouse?"

Lizzieyounce · August 2015

Just ask, "Would you and your spouse like to join us for cocktails and dinner?"

Blue_Bird · August 2015

Mail him an invitation along with your other guests.

AddieCake · August 2015

We sent ours an invitation.

[Deleted User] · August 2015

AddieCake said:

We sent ours an invitation.

This!!! Ours is actually bringing his wife and children, which is great because he was my youth pastor, and is now my pastor.

aliwis000 · August 2015

I would just ask.

I think it depends on a lot of factors. Including how close you two are. We are just having someone from a service perform our marriage. (I am Catholic but not getting married in the church, long story.)

Anyway, though it sounds bad, he is just some guy we are hiring to do a task. We have a contract and will see him 3 times total. (1. Initial meeting to see if we wanted him. 2. Rehearsal 3. Wedding day) He even states that he does not want/need to be invited to the rehearsal dinner or reception. He does over hundred weddings a year, I can imagine going to that many parties when you know zero people there (ok maybe your wife) would be boring. He is just another vendor.

charcoalandblush · August 2015

I would send an invitation with an RSVP card.

novella1186 · August 2015

aliwis000 said:

I would just ask.

I think it depends on a lot of factors. Including how close you two are. We are just having someone from a service perform our marriage. (I am Catholic but not getting married in the church, long story.)

Anyway, though it sounds bad, he is just some guy we are hiring to do a task. We have a contract and will see him 3 times total. (1. Initial meeting to see if we wanted him. 2. Rehearsal 3. Wedding day) He even states that he does not want/need to be invited to the rehearsal dinner or reception. He does over hundred weddings a year, I can imagine going to that many parties when you know zero people there (ok maybe your wife) would be boring. He is just another vendor.

This. We did something similar; just hired someone to officiate who's not affiliated with any religious institution. We didn't know her. She was awesome, and did a great job, but I felt like it would be really odd to invite her to the reception (and she stated that she prefers to leave right after the ceremony, as soon as we've signed the marriage license).

However, at first we were going to have my temple's rabbi officiate (long story as to why that did not work out) and since my family knows her, I was going to send an invitation to her with her husband and children listed on it as well just like any other invited family.

Maggie0829 · August 2015

If you would like your officiant to attend your reception then you send him/her an invitation. Typically this is done when you are close with your officiant and know them well. But if you are just hiring an officiant that you found online and do not know at all, then just treat him/her like any other vendor and do not send an invite.

[Deleted User] · August 2015

Usually you invite them and their spouse with a formal invitation. They will respond accordingly.

ETA: I'm hiring someone I don't know and I'm still inviting him to our reception; his spouse has declined but he's coming- at least for the food.

He's Italian, of course he's staying for the food (his words, not mine).

[Deleted User] · August 2015

I sent the pastor that married us an invitation, this way he had the details. We actually had two pastors involved, one came to the reception the other didn't. The one who didn't was because of where the reception was due to where he lived and he didn't like to drive out of his area in the evening (poor night vision). And no the reception wasn't an hour away from the ceremony, 20-30 minutes depending on lights.

thisismynickname2 · August 2015

Our cocktail hour and dinner started immediately after our ceremony in the same location. So, when I was e-mailing back and forth with our officiant about logistics, I simply wrote, "Would you like to stay for cocktail hour and dinner? If so, you and your wife have a choice of xyz entrees." He wrote back that they would indeed like to stay, and gave me their meal choices.

Easy-peasy.

Sounds like it's more etiquette-approved to send the invitation. But, I think if I were a vendor, I would wonder exactly why I got the invite- as a courtesy? Because they really want me to stay? So maybe ask verbally / written first, and then send the invite.

SP29 · August 2015

We sent our officiant an invitation, addressed to him and his wife.

You are not required to invite your officiant to the reception, but it is usually done as a courtesy if they are from your church, or you know them personally. Our officiant was a distant family friend.

october412bride · August 2015

Thanks so much everyone!

NicRen17 · August 2015

I will be sending an invite to my officiate and his family (wife and 2 girls). I am debating on mailing it to their house or to the church?

I have no problem with mailing it to either location but I am trying to keep a professional level and personal relationships separate. I know my officiate because I work educationally with his oldest daughter and so far I have done a good job at keeping school/church/and wedding separate with different forms of communication.

Officiant Staying for Dinner

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