Wedding Woes

BIL is a 'have' and we're a 'have not'...He should share.

Dear Prudence,
My husband and his brother, who are close in age, were orphaned as toddlers. They spent their childhood shunted among family members and spent some time in foster care. They were sometimes neglected and abused, but thankfully they have grown up to have stable families. They are nearing retirement age. My husband lost his business due to the financial crisis and now works two jobs. Retirement is looking impossible. Several years ago my brother-in-law won the lottery, netting $50 million. He has bought several multimillion-dollar vacation properties and is living the good life. He and my husband have a good relationship and speak often. What I don’t understand is how he can stand to see his little brother so stressed and working so hard while he has more money than he could spend in a dozen lifetimes. Obviously he is under no obligation, but he does not seem to realize how hard it is to see how he spends his money on travel and amusements. I think he should help his brother out. What do you think?

—Not Jealous, Just Sad 

Re: BIL is a 'have' and we're a 'have not'...He should share.

  • Don't most lottery winners spend it all really quickly and end up in the same place they started after a year or two? I feel like I read that somewhere.....
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  • I think it was on how the lottery changed my life or something like that you are right I've heard that to. I think she's answered her own question brother isn't obligated.. He may look at it as hey brother you lost your business that isn't my fault. Did said brother give him any money when he was doing good?? 

  • You know, she's allowed to be jealous.  Human nature is what it is and you should just accept that you're jealous.  Jealousy isn't automatically a "bad" emotion; it's the consequences of your behavior motivated by that emotion that is good/bad.

    Having said that, her jealousy doesn't entitle her to anything and it doesn't entitle her husband to anything from brother-in-law.  I'd spend my energy on getting over it.
  • Wonder if her BIL needs a full-time lawn mower and property maintenance person for these properties - maybe her H & her could apply for the job and be less stressed out... 
  • envy, not jealousy.
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