Ok, so my friend is a MAJOR perfectionist, and I totally get that this is her wedding so I keep my mouth shut as I am her best friend, so I can accept that I have to listen to her talk about the wedding every day (even though after a year and a half, I am dying for the wedding to be over so we can stop talking about it). Here is my problem though, I am technically the MOH, but not really, I live over 1500 KM away and I was in this wicked demanding school program that made it basically impossible to really be all that helpful except for emotional support, so her mom took over a lot of the stuff I would have done. Oh well, she understands. But now I've agreed to plan a wedding social for her because I thought it was the least I could do, but I am starting to think that it is a huge mistake.
1. Distance/ I can't actually be there --- I can't even be in town until about 2 days before the wedding - I won't even be there for the social, so all I can do is plan. What ever, I am wicked introverted so that doesn't really bother me and sadly I have neither the time nor the financial luxury to leave my job for a week for her and she understands. However the problem is that she has 4 bridesmaids, only 1 of whom is in the same town and it means only 1 of us might be there, which seems ridiculous and I think it would be highly unfair to ask 1 girl to host the party alone (even if we all pitch into helping to plan it).
2. Tight financial situation makes it hard as hell --- I am beginning to realize that this wedding social / shower is a huge financial burden for me, like its ridiculous. I know that my friend has paid for the entire wedding, which is even more, but a few of us (like myself) have recently bought houses, cars, or have a ton of student debt because we are (reasonably) living our own lives and don't really have a lot (or any money) to put into this party. We can only host the thing during the week, which means it'll probably run over dinner, but catering it will probably cost $100+ (for the number of people, it might be a few hundred dollars) so that's not even an option. I thought about telling the guests that it'll be a potluck and to email me with a thing they want to make for it, but I don't want to break some kind of wedding shower etiquette thing by making such a request. However, I cannot pitch out the amount of money for paying for everyone's dinner (my limit is legit maximum $40 to $50) and it'll probably be an issue if I tell a bunch of small town people that "sorry, you're going to have to have dinner very late tonight instead of at 5 pm, but hey, have a cupcake". Even if I could pay out more, I am not going to even be there and I have already spent hundreds of dollars just to be there for her on her special day. As much as I love my friend, I cannot accept any additional financial burdens for this wedding (I already paid about $200 for a dress, $100 for shoes, $500 for plane tickets, I'll probably have to pay another $50+ for nails and hair on the day of, so I simply don't have any more to give as I am broke as hell right now) Like I said, I know her financial burdens for the overall wedding are far higher, but my budget is what it is and I don't know how to tell her or the other bridesmaids that.
Ok, so it's stuff like that which is causing problems. The main problem is that I promised my friend that this other bridesmaid and myself would plan something and I don't know what to tell her if that between the distance and the cost, that my promise pretty much means nothing. I am happy to help plan something, and I love planning stuff, but it also seems ridiculously unfair to tell one bridesmaid to host it alone if neither of the remaining 2 girls can be in town. Also, 1 of the bridesmaids is one that my friend is on the outs with (it's the fiances sister so yeah) and I can't really trust that girl to be remotely useful. So basically, as a result, the financial burden will fall on two of the girls (again, totally unfair)
I am getting really desperate, I don't want to tell my friend it can't happen. I REALLY need some ideas about how to host a bridal shower in a small town that is on a major budget.