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Moms friends - inviting their SOs or not

bizzy592bizzy592 member
250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi all,

I've discussed my mother here before (NPD, bipolar, delightful). She has recently parted ways from her special man friend, and asked me yesterday if she could still have a guest at my wedding (next summer). I'm completely on board (and had always intended to invite a friend of hers), both to make her feel comfortable, and to keep her in line. Constant attention is the only thing that seems to keep her from seeking it out (Possibly by getting drunk and making a scene. Possibly by stealing the mic from the band and giving an insulting toast. Possibly by trying to perform with the band, and upon realizing that she's not allowed to do that, grabbing her guitar from the car and giving her own show.).

Here's the issue. We're very tight on numbers. It's a small wedding, to the point that I'm not able to invite most of my cousins, and very few of my friends. In the conversation, it came out that she wanted to bring 2 friends, rather than 1. And they're both married. So, do I call them her +2 (which, selfishly, will help not only with numbers, but also will keep their attention undivided) or do I invite them with their husbands?

Thanks!!



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Re: Moms friends - inviting their SOs or not

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited August 2015
    I would tell your Mom that she can only bring one friend.

    ETA:  After re-reading your post you seem fine with her bringing 2 people so then I would just tell your Mom that she can bring two guests.  And since they are "and Guests" you don't have to invite their SOs since you aren't directly inviting them with an invitation.

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Hmmm. I don't think you have to invite the SOs if you call them her +2s. You aren't inviting these friends. She is bringing them as her +1 or +2. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you're OK with her inviting 2 guests, you can call them her +2s or her 2 +1s without inviting the SOs. But they might have a problem with their SOs not being invited.

    I myself would suggest to your mom that she could invite one couple.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I agree with the previous posters.  This is like if you invite grandma and she decides to bring her home nurse.  You don't also have to invite the nurse's husband.  I think you're fine.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    While I think it's sad that your mom needs multiple guests to stay sane, I think you're perfectly fine not inviting their spouses so long as they are her plus ones. When you send them an invitation, you get into the spouse problem.

    On the other bits, I hope you've warned your band and your venue staff/security about your mother. They should be able to intervene if she tries to take the mic or make a scene. 
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  • bizzy592bizzy592 member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited August 2015
    Thanks all! I'll bring it up to her, and if she insists that I send them a physical invite, I'll let her know that she needs to pick one couple. If not, she can invite them as her +2.

    MyNameIsNot said:

    On the other bits, I hope you've warned your band and your venue staff/security about your mother. They should be able to intervene if she tries to take the mic or make a scene. 
    Short answer, yes. I'm on top of this. Basically all staff (and several friends) will be looped in. Band will be directed to not allow anyone to grab the mic, but especially her. However, if she makes the attempt and is thwarted, she's far more likely to make a scene - which is why I'm hoping to keep her entertained & distracted for the duration of the wedding.
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  • TheCheeseWenchTheCheeseWench member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer

    photokitty said:
    I would not extend the invite to the couple. Your goal is to distract your mom, she needs a guest to do that, not be a third wheel. I think if the guest gets to bring her husband you haven't solved your problem. If I won 2 concert tickets and I ask my friend to go as my plus one, I don't have invite her husband. She can be a guest or decline.
    ^^^THIS. Her friends are going to be zero help keeping your mother busy if they are dancing/socializing with their husbands. Tell her she can have +2, and that they will not be receiving invitations of their own, because then they will feel entitled (rightfully so) to bring their spouses.
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Agreed, if you are inviting these 2 guests as her "and guest X2", you do not need to invite their SOs as the "and guest X2" is open. She can invite any 2 people of her choosing. But the "and guests" should be included on her invitation.

    If you give them their own invitation you are making them your guests (with their own invitation you are telling them they are invited to your wedding regardless if your mother is invited or not), which would require you to invite their SOs.

    As "and guests" their invitation is dependent, or an extension, of your mothers.
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