Family offers to help with something you don't need- can you ask them to do something else?

Re: Family offers to help with something you don't need- can you ask them to do something else?

• novella1186 member

  

  August 2015

  Marybaldwin said:

  So my future sister in law very generously offered to get us a limo for the wedding, which we had already decided against. Basically, the hotel is less than 5 minutes from the venue, so, in my opinion, it just seems really silly to get a limo for 8+ hours (we need to be at venue for 2 and reception ends at 10) for a likely total of 20 minutes driving time. 

  
  

  I greatly appreciate the offer, especially since his family hasn't really offered to help us with anything else financially, but it seems like such a large expense for something that's not super useful, when we could really use help financially with other necessary things. Is it rude to say "Oh we so thank you for the offer to get a limo, but since x, y, and z, we had decided not to get one. However, if you want to help with the wedding, we'd love if you could help facilitate (blank)"

  
  

  Should we just accept? Decline and see if she offers something else? Or should we just be honest and give her some options of other things we could use help with?

  Accept if you want the limo (sounds like you don't) because I'm guessing she made the offer as a fun thing, not as a practical/necessary thing. She just wanted to offer you a fun bonus for your wedding day. 

  
  

  Decline if you do not want the limo. These are your options. Do NOT ask her to re-allocate the limo money to something else. Maybe she will offer help with something else after you decline the limo, but that is entirely up to her. 

  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  August 2015 edited August 2015

  Yes, that is rude to ask her to give you money towards something else. 

  
  

  ETA: Decline her offer if you see no need for a limo. There's no reason to waste money. 

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• frenchiekin member

  

  August 2015

  Agree with PPs.  Politely decline her offer if you feel it would be a waste.  If she is interested in contributing to something else, she will say so.  Don't put her on the spot by telling her how you think her money would be better spent (even if your intentions are good, in that you don't want her to waste it on something frivolous).

  
  

  
  

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• SP29 member

  

  August 2015

  Decline the offer if you are not interested.
  
  Do NOT ask her to help with something else. If she offers, then cool, but don't ask.
  
  "Thank you so much for your generous offer but FI and I are not interested in having a limo".
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  August 2015

  The only options here are to accept or decline the limo.  Asking for something else isn't among the available options.

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• AddieCake member

  

  August 2015

  Just decline. Perhaps she will offer to pay for something else.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• OfftheMap27 member

  

  August 2015

  Thank you all for your input! I felt inclined to think that is the case.

  
  

  We have declined. 

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  August 2015

  Also, change your username.  Internet safety and all.

  

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• OfftheMap27 member

  

  August 2015

  OliveOilsMom said:

  Also, change your username.  Internet safety and all.

  For what it's worth, it's not my real name anywho. How deceiving the internet can be

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• fyrchk member

  

  August 2015

  My FMIL keeps offering to get moonshine for our tables. I've explained that it's outside alcohol is not allowed and I don't want jars of moonshine on the tables. She keeps offering, I keep declining.

  Just decline and smile. Rinse and repeat if necessary.

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• knottie93f96a98e60cf4f2 member

  

  August 2015

  fyrchk said:

  My FMIL keeps offering to get moonshine for our tables. I've explained that it's outside alcohol is not allowed and I don't want jars of moonshine on the tables. She keeps offering, I keep declining.

  Just decline and smile. Rinse and repeat if necessary.

  What? Per table? Are we talking real deal here or that nasty malt crap you can buy in stores? If it's the real thing you wouldn't want but a jar or two for the whole wedding... in fact even if you could bring in outside alcohol, moonshine is always a bad idea. Sounds like something my mom would do.
  
  Everyone else has it covered OP.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  August 2015

  treehugginbride said:

  My FMIL keeps offering to get moonshine for our tables. I've explained that it's outside alcohol is not allowed and I don't want jars of moonshine on the tables. She keeps offering, I keep declining.

  Just decline and smile. Rinse and repeat if necessary.

  What? Per table? Are we talking real deal here or that nasty malt crap you can buy in stores? If it's the real thing you wouldn't want but a jar or two for the whole wedding... in fact even if you could bring in outside alcohol, moonshine is always a bad idea. Sounds like something my mom would do. Everyone else has it covered OP.

  Yes, it sounds like a terrible idea for the reception.  But it sounds like a fantastic idea for the post-party in MIL's hotel room.  Tell her we'll meet her there.

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• fyrchk member

  

  August 2015

  She wants it per table. I said we could give it to the WP in their gift bags. She isn't getting the "not allowed in the venue" concept.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  August 2015

  fyrchk said:

  She wants it per table. I said we could give it to the WP in their gift bags. She isn't getting the "not allowed in the venue" concept.

  Tell her than anyone who brings alcohol to the venue that doesn't come through the restaurant/bar may be put under arrest.  It's that kind of "not allowed".

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