What gift would you give?

kaos16 · August 2015

If you and DH were invited to the wedding of friends with the following circumstances being present, what gift, if any, would you give:

Bride and Groom are friends, but not best friends. We see them maybe once or twice a year and text every few months.

Bride and Groom are clients of DH. As of now they owe him about $10,000 for his services. They have indicated that they wish to set up a payment plan, but have paid nothing as of yet. They have been clients for about 4 or 5 months.

Additionally: Would it change your opinion on what to give if you knew that the wedding was a PPD and the couple secretly got married months ago?

How about if you knew that there was no gift registry, just a honeymoon registry?

thisismynickname2 · August 2015

I would separate the occasion of getting married- either in the past or actually right now- from the business of being a client.

Since it sounds like you're more like acquaintances, gift on the lower end of your usual range (i.e. I give close friends around $200 or so, but acquaintances more like $100-$150).

Since the honeymoon registry is tacky, just give a check and call it a day.

(You can always find a reason to decline...)

[Deleted User] · August 2015

kaos16 said:

If you and DH were invited to the wedding of friends with the following circumstances being present, what gift, if any, would you give:

Bride and Groom are friends, but not best friends. We see them maybe once or twice a year and text every few months.

Bride and Groom are clients of DH. As of now they owe him about $10,000 for his services. They have indicated that they wish to set up a payment plan, but have paid nothing as of yet. They have been clients for about 4 or 5 months.

Additionally: Would it change your opinion on what to give if you knew that the wedding was a PPD and the couple secretly got married months ago?

How about if you knew that there was no gift registry, just a honeymoon registry?

I wouldn't attend a PPD for acquaintances, so I wouldn't give a gift.

MobKaz · August 2015

kaos16 said:

If you and DH were invited to the wedding of friends with the following circumstances being present, what gift, if any, would you give:

Bride and Groom are friends, but not best friends. We see them maybe once or twice a year and text every few months.

Bride and Groom are clients of DH. As of now they owe him about $10,000 for his services. They have indicated that they wish to set up a payment plan, but have paid nothing as of yet. They have been clients for about 4 or 5 months.

Additionally: Would it change your opinion on what to give if you knew that the wedding was a PPD and the couple secretly got married months ago?

How about if you knew that there was no gift registry, just a honeymoon registry?

I would not attend.

I would be reluctant to gift anything considering the amount of money owed. I do not understand how anyone can spend money on themselves when they have outstanding debts.

I have to wonder how your DH allowed to be taken advantage of to the tune of $10,000. Why did he not end services when no payment of any sort was made?

Based on the type of "wedding" they have planned, they sound like "takers". This is not the type of friend or client I would want to have in my life.

southernbelle0915 · August 2015

OK, if it's a couple who:

- we aren't that close with
- are already married and having a PPD
- only have a honeymoon registry
- owes us $10,000

I would have politely declined....

But if you go, I would probably bring a restaurant gift card or something and encourage a date night. Or a gourmet gift basket with edibles. I would not buy anything off a honeymoon registry.

Maggie0829 · August 2015

I would take the client/vendor thing out of it. That is a business issue and should not have any bearing on what gift you give them for a personal event. I mean I understand that it is frustrating, but when you have clients who are also friends/acquaintances you need to separate the two mentally.

I personally wouldn't attend a PPD for someone I see only once or twice a year. But if I did, I would probably gift, at the most, $50 in check or restaurant gift card form.

MyNameIsNot · August 2015

I wouldn't attend a PPD for someone I'm not that close to. If I had to go for some reason, I'd just give a card.

Like PP, I'm wondering how your H allowed them to get $10K behind in only a few months. Unrelated to the friendship, he's going to need to collect that money, and it's probably going to dampen the relationship.

OliveOilsMom · August 2015

I would not attend. However, if you have already committed to going and still want to go, I would gift them a small physical gift or restaurant gift card. I would feel funny giving them money of some form when they owe me so much. I know you are supposed to separate the business side from the friendship side, but its very hard to when $10k is owed.

novella1186 · August 2015

I don't attend PPDs, especially for people I'm not close with, and I definitely would never contribute to a honeyfund. I would decline and not give a gift at all.

But if you're definitely going, if I were you, I'd just give them a bottle of wine.

kaos16 · August 2015

MyNameIsNot said:

I wouldn't attend a PPD for someone I'm not that close to. If I had to go for some reason, I'd just give a card.

Like PP, I'm wondering how your H allowed them to get $10K behind in only a few months. Unrelated to the friendship, he's going to need to collect that money, and it's probably going to dampen the relationship.

With legal services, at least of the type they required there is often a flat fee retainer and then an hourly rate. A lot of what DH does can be time sensitive especially when it deals with the health and welfare of children. DH wouldn't refuse to help them when they didn't have the money up front because it could have caused injury to the children.

MobKaz · August 2015

kaos16 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

I wouldn't attend a PPD for someone I'm not that close to. If I had to go for some reason, I'd just give a card.

Like PP, I'm wondering how your H allowed them to get $10K behind in only a few months. Unrelated to the friendship, he's going to need to collect that money, and it's probably going to dampen the relationship.

With legal services, at least of the type they required there is often a flat fee retainer and then an hourly rate. A lot of what DH does can be time sensitive especially when it deals with the health and welfare of children. DH wouldn't refuse to help them when they didn't have the money up front because it could have caused injury to the children.

Admirable of your DH to consider the welfare of children. This type of scenario causes my blood to boil. These clients/acquaintances did not have the money to properly pay for services necessary to safeguard the well being of their children, but do have the money to pay for a completely unnecessary PPD. (I realize I have an extremely limited picture of the actual situation, but it still makes me all kinds of ragey.)

LondonLisa · August 2015

Q: What would I give a couple that owed me 10K but had enough money to throw a PPD?

A: A past due invoice delivered by 2 burly bailiffs saying you expect payment in the next 30 days.

kaos16 · August 2015

MobKaz said:

kaos16 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

I wouldn't attend a PPD for someone I'm not that close to. If I had to go for some reason, I'd just give a card.

Like PP, I'm wondering how your H allowed them to get $10K behind in only a few months. Unrelated to the friendship, he's going to need to collect that money, and it's probably going to dampen the relationship.

With legal services, at least of the type they required there is often a flat fee retainer and then an hourly rate. A lot of what DH does can be time sensitive especially when it deals with the health and welfare of children. DH wouldn't refuse to help them when they didn't have the money up front because it could have caused injury to the children.

Admirable of your DH to consider the welfare of children. This type of scenario causes my blood to boil. These clients/acquaintances did not have the money to properly pay for services necessary to safeguard the well being of their children, but do have the money to pay for a completely unnecessary PPD. (I realize I have an extremely limited picture of the actual situation, but it still makes me all kinds of ragey.)

I know, and unfortunately with matters of legality and privacy and whatnot I can't really give any more detail. . . . frankly I don't know many of the details myself because of attorney client privilege

thisismynickname2 · August 2015

Can I ask something, which came first, the friendship or the people being clients? It sounds like you were friends first.

If they are friends (acquaintances) first, then a gift to celebrate their marriage is fine. You'd do that for most friends, right? If they were clients first who became friends, then that's all the more reason to completely decline the event (if you still can) and not gift at all.

We don't know if they're paying for the PPD themselves, so I reserve judgement on having a party when there are outstanding debts to those who have provided them services.

Furthermore, this is why I don't mix business and pleasure. I have friends who are Realtors for example that I would never hire to help me sell or buy a house. Messes things up. I'm surprised your DH didn't refer them to another person for legal services.

kaos16 · August 2015

thisismynickname said:

Can I ask something, which came first, the friendship or the people being clients? It sounds like you were friends first.

If they are friends (acquaintances) first, then a gift to celebrate their marriage is fine. You'd do that for most friends, right? If they were clients first who became friends, then that's all the more reason to completely decline the event (if you still can) and not gift at all.

We don't know if they're paying for the PPD themselves, so I reserve judgement on having a party when there are outstanding debts to those who have provided them services.

Furthermore, this is why I don't mix business and pleasure. I have friends who are Realtors for example that I would never hire to help me sell or buy a house. Messes things up. I'm surprised your DH didn't refer them to another person for legal services.

Friends first.

kvruns · August 2015

I'd decline, but if that ship has sailed I'd do a small date night type of thing as others have suggested and call it a day. If someone owes me $10K I probably don't have the money to buy you a big PPD gift so they better understand

Jen4948 · August 2015

I'd decline the invitation and not give a gift.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2015

What a mess.

If it's too late to decline the invitation, I'd only give a bottle of wine or $50 in cash.

Your DH should probably go seek some legal counsel as to the issue of the outstanding $10 Grand. . .

photokitty · August 2015

thisismynickname said:
Can I ask something, which came first, the friendship or the people being clients? It sounds like you were friends first.

If they are friends (acquaintances) first, then a gift to celebrate their marriage is fine. You'd do that for most friends, right? If they were clients first who became friends, then that's all the more reason to completely decline the event (if you still can) and not gift at all.

We don't know if they're paying for the PPD themselves, so I reserve judgement on having a party when there are outstanding debts to those who have provided them services.

Furthermore, this is why I don't mix business and pleasure. I have friends who are Realtors for example that I would never hire to help me sell or buy a house. Messes things up. I'm surprised your DH didn't refer them to another person for legal services.

But we do know that these rude people will be getting a check cut to them from honeyfund for their rude HM registry. So they could have not registered, saved guests the HM registry feed and paid part of the overdue bill instead of going on a honeymoon.

I don't go on vacation when I can't pay my bills...especially if those bills are to ensure the safety and we'll being of my kids!!

novella1186 · August 2015

photokitty said:

Can I ask something, which came first, the friendship or the people being clients? It sounds like you were friends first.

If they are friends (acquaintances) first, then a gift to celebrate their marriage is fine. You'd do that for most friends, right? If they were clients first who became friends, then that's all the more reason to completely decline the event (if you still can) and not gift at all.

We don't know if they're paying for the PPD themselves, so I reserve judgement on having a party when there are outstanding debts to those who have provided them services.

Furthermore, this is why I don't mix business and pleasure. I have friends who are Realtors for example that I would never hire to help me sell or buy a house. Messes things up. I'm surprised your DH didn't refer them to another person for legal services.
But we do know that these rude people will be getting a check cut to them from honeyfund for their rude HM registry. So they could have not registered, saved guests the HM registry feed and paid part of the overdue bill instead of going on a honeymoon. I don't go on vacation when I can't pay my bills...especially if those bills are to ensure the safety and we'll being of my kids!!

BFT

Closing costs on the house we're buying are higher than expected, so the first thing we did was cancel the vacation we had planned for next month. It sucked to cancel it because we were really excited to go, but vacations are a luxury that you do not do when you do not have money.

thisismynickname2 · August 2015

But you guys.... they deserve a honeymoon! Obviously this grand party and vacation are much needed breaks from whatever the hell is going on legally.

TheCheeseWench · August 2015

No.No.NO. You do not plan a PPD and a vacation when you clearly have more important obligations. I know they may not be funding the PPD, but perhaps they could have told whatever relative was giving them money for it that since they are already married, help with their legal situation would be a more practical gift than a party.

I would decline and send a card.

Heffalump · August 2015

I would give them an updated invoice for $9900 and say the other $100 is your wedding gift to them.

NowIAmSyp · August 2015

Heffalump said:

I would give them an updated invoice for $9900 and say the other $100 is your wedding gift to them.

SNAP.

MyNameIsNot · August 2015

kaos16 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

I wouldn't attend a PPD for someone I'm not that close to. If I had to go for some reason, I'd just give a card.

Like PP, I'm wondering how your H allowed them to get $10K behind in only a few months. Unrelated to the friendship, he's going to need to collect that money, and it's probably going to dampen the relationship.

With legal services, at least of the type they required there is often a flat fee retainer and then an hourly rate. A lot of what DH does can be time sensitive especially when it deals with the health and welfare of children. DH wouldn't refuse to help them when they didn't have the money up front because it could have caused injury to the children.

I kind of figured it was legal fees. I'm an attorney myself, and very familiar with how the fee structure works and how cases sometimes have a lot of work that needs to be done right.this.second. Quoting a retainer that a client can afford up front but that will get you somewhere is an art form. I hope your DH's firm gets better at it so that you don't get stuck with a bunch of these that you can't collect.

This is the reason I don't do work for friends, unless I'm willing to do it pro bono.

SP29 · August 2015

I would separate business and personal affairs in this case, particularly since they were friends first. Forget about eh $10K for now.

Give them a gift you would give as a friend.

NOW.... not very close friends, throwing a PPD.... I'd either decline the invitation or give a small gift if I were going.

I would not purchase off the HM registry. Registries are never a requirement, regardless. If you usually give cash, give a cash gift (or gift card). If you prefer to give physical gifts, give them that (you can get some nice kitchen/ home stuff for not too expensive... probably find something nice for less than the amount of cash you would give).

STARMOON44 · August 2015

$100 check.

madamerwin · August 2015

I'm with PPs - I would decline an invitation to an acquaintance's PPD and not give a gift. If you are attending, I would bring a card and a small physical gift, and then, after a few drinks, let it slip to the family loudmouth that the couple secretly got married months ago.

But really - I would just not go.

huskypuppy14 · August 2015

Maybe they are not going on vacation. You get the money, not the experiences, so maybe they'll use that money to pay their legal fees.

Since they were friends first, I'd gift what you would gift to friends who had gotten married.

Also, while I don't condone PPD, and not knowing the reason for their legal troubles, I'm not going to judge them for their circumstances, because I don't know the whole story.

What gift would you give?

Re: What gift would you give?

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