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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Accidental etiquette blunder... WWYD?

So, putting together my mostly-DIY invitations made me a little brain dead.  Hoping you ladies can tell me what you'd do in this situation, or if I just need to let this go and stop worrying about it.

We sent invites out last Wednesday.  I (with some help from FI) had been working on them a few hours a night for like a week and a half, so my brain eventually became a little fried.  Based on our list, we had exactly 100 invites that needed to be sent.  I bought 100 outer envelope stamps and 100 RSVP envelope stamps (cool!  they sell them in sheets of 20!  how perfect, yay).  So the stamping and stuffing proceeds.  

A couple days before the invites are set to be mailed, FIs parents ask us to invite one of FFILs oldest friends (considered an uncle to my FI, but he now lives out of state so they aren't as close).  We have the space, so we say sure.  I add him to the list, assemble the invite, put it in with the rest of them, and know that I need to make sure to put a stamp on that one at the post office when I go to drop them off.  Next day, invites are mailed, and I giddily leave the parking lot because ZOMG WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.

Cut to like 3 days later, and it randomly dawns on me that I didn't put a stamp on this late-added guest's RSVP envelope!!  I mindlessly assembled it, sealed it, and stamped the outer at the USPS.  I feel like such an asshole.  Maybe this isn't a huge deal in the grand scheme of things and he seems like a nice enough person to assume it was just a mistake, but I feel so damn rude!

Would it be ridiculous to reach out to him (especially not being someone FI has seen or spoken to in a while, and someone I haven't even met) and apologize for the oversight, or should I just let this one go?


Re: Accidental etiquette blunder... WWYD?

  • I think you can let this one go. I get why you're worried about it; I'd probably have the same reaction as you, but this is definitely not one of the most horrible etiquette blunders that could happen. 

    It might be weird if you-- having never met him-- reached out to him about something so minor. Seems like it could end up making a mountain out of a mole hill. 
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  • Yea I wouldn't worry too much. When I was stuffing my invites, I had an extra pile of everything (without stamps) and suddenly it occurred to me, I stuffed two RSVP envelopes without a stamp. I didn't have extra envelopes to open and redo, so I just took a deep breath and let it go.

    In the scheme of things, it's not too big of a deal, and luckily for me, it went to two people that were courtesy invites more than anything, so they probably won't be going anyways! Hah! 
  • Thank you both!  I was worried I would be making a mountain out of a molehill as @novella1186 said, so thanks for bringing me back down to earth.

    @marybaldwin, that's pretty much our case as well - this is probably more of a courtesy invite as FFIL thinks there's a good chance he may not come, but I still felt bad!  

    Guess I'll just chalk this up to wedding brain and move on.  Wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing.

    Thanks as always, ladies.


  • Hmmm.I agree with PPs, since you have never met this person. I wouldn't want this person to think I'm a jerk though so I, personally, might apologize for it at the wedding or something like that. 
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  • My SIL sent out her invites.  I got mine in the mail at the same time she was over to visit.  I told her I'd just check it off and give it to here there so she had it.  She freaked on me and insisted I send the RSVP through the mail cos she had stamped everything and wanted mail.  I said ok.  She left and I filled out the RSVP, put it in the return envelop and there was no stamp.  I took it over to her house that night where she freaked out again until I told her there was no stamp.  It wasn't a big deal for me, though it was for her.  

    We also sent out some without stamps, but they were going overseas and I had no way of putting a stamp on them.  Don't worry about it

  • Follow-up question for you Knotties:  Back in the day, people RSVP'd on their own stationary using their own stamp.  So, since there's no etiquette requirement to even send an RSVP card to guests (we do it these days to make it more convenient for our guests (and ourselves as it can help prompt a timely RSVP)), is it even a big deal to have sent the RSVP card w/o return postage?

    OP went "above and beyond" with the RSVP card... or is this a situation where if you're going to ask for a card / RSVP, you should very well pay for the stamp to get it back?


  • Follow-up question for you Knotties:  Back in the day, people RSVP'd on their own stationary using their own stamp.  So, since there's no etiquette requirement to even send an RSVP card to guests (we do it these days to make it more convenient for our guests (and ourselves as it can help prompt a timely RSVP)), is it even a big deal to have sent the RSVP card w/o return postage?

    OP went "above and beyond" with the RSVP card... or is this a situation where if you're going to ask for a card / RSVP, you should very well pay for the stamp to get it back?


    My opinion is that back in the day, it was either a letter or a telephone call, so people had stationary for these purposes. Now, with e-mail, text, etc, if you want that card back, put a stamp on it. Otherwise you'll get texts from your friends, Facebook messages from family, your Aunt Jane telling you at the BBQ that 3rd cousin Jack plans to come, etc.  Make it easier on yourself by making it easy for people to drop that sucker in the mail. If something came to me without a stamp, I'd likely miss the RSVP deadline while I tried to remember to buy stamps and be that jackass sending a last minute text- "Ack, I'm coming! I'm sorry! Is it too late?" 
    ________________________________


  • Hmmm.I agree with PPs, since you have never met this person. I wouldn't want this person to think I'm a jerk though so I, personally, might apologize for it at the wedding or something like that. 
    This was my thought as well. If he does end up coming, I'd probably try and remember to say something at the wedding about how wedding brain got to me and I forgot his stamp. But otherwise he might not even care, I might be annoyed but I wouldn't consider it a big deal.

    And a PP is right, sending an RSVP with a stamp is a courtesy. So it's not really against etiquette, it's just inconvenient. 
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  • Super minor blunder.  I'd let it slide.  Oops. I'd be impressed if I only forgot a stamp on ONE rsvp card.
  • It has officially been let go :)  Thanks all!


  • I wondering what my potential blunder... Opinions recommended.

    I am doing both RSVP cards and Online Responses. 90% of my guest list would prefer the online and I want to include the RSPVs for those that would not prefer (may be some of the 90) and can not. My dad, for example, couldn't RSVP for my cousin's Online Only RSPVs because his computer and internet is super slow. I had to do it for him. 

    So, I was thinking of supplying all the invites with paper RSVPs but minus the stamps since a majority will go online. I would hate to waste the stamps but I don't want to be rude?
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  • NicRen17 said:
    I wondering what my potential blunder... Opinions recommended.

    I am doing both RSVP cards and Online Responses. 90% of my guest list would prefer the online and I want to include the RSPVs for those that would not prefer (may be some of the 90) and can not. My dad, for example, couldn't RSVP for my cousin's Online Only RSPVs because his computer and internet is super slow. I had to do it for him. 

    So, I was thinking of supplying all the invites with paper RSVPs but minus the stamps since a majority will go online. I would hate to waste the stamps but I don't want to be rude?
    I'm thinking of doing this, too, and had the same question! I feel like stamps are wasted on 90% of my tech-savvy family and friends, who will all RSVP online. 
  • julieanne912julieanne912 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited August 2015
    We did both RSVP cards and an online option.  Even though most of our friends, and some of our families are tech savvy, we still have been getting more cards back than online RSVPs.  One tech savvy uncle did both online and the card LOL  

    I included postage on all of mine.  I figured the $36.00 the postage cost wasn't much in the grand scheme of things, and is a nice gesture.  
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