Need some advice - inviting my father?

Re: Need some advice - inviting my father?

• justsie member

  

  August 2015 edited August 2015

  If you want to invite him and he is important to you, invite him. Unless you mother is paying for the wedding she gets no say in your guest list. If your budget/venue are able, you could ask him if there is someone he wold like to invite as a guest (assuming he doesn't have a SO already). I would let your mother know he is coming if you wanted, but everyone here is an adult and can deal with their own feelings. 
  

  
  

  Edit to add quote: 

  
  

  Knottie1428889205 said:

  Growing up I never knew who my dad was and had no contact with me.  My mother refused to tell me who he was, but eventually I found out on my own (about 3 years ago) and made contact.  Since then we grab the occasional lunch and talk.  He has three other children besides me, but I have never met them.  Two know about me.  My issue is, he of course knows I am engaged, but do I invite him to the wedding?  Personally, I would be totally fine with him being there.  I am worried about putting my mother in an awkward situation, as well as him and his wife.  He would not know anyone there besides me (and my mother, who I doubt would speak or even look at him).

  Any advice for how to approach this situation?  I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.

  
  

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  August 2015

  I'd invite him and leave it up to him. Mention it to your mom whom I'd assume knows you met him? They don't even need to look at each other at the wedding.

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• AddieCake member

  

  August 2015

  This is a decision only you can make. Do you want to invite him?

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  August 2015

  If you want him there invite him with his wife.  He can decide for himself whether or not he would like to attend.  Or can decide he would not like to attend if it would make him too uncomfortable to see all your mother's family.

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  August 2015

  Invite him if you want.  He does not need to fulfill any traditional FOB roles by escorting you down the aisle or having a father-daughter dance. 

  If you invite him and he attends, don't seat him at your mom's table just because that is the only person he knows.  Seat him and his wife with people he may have something in common with.  I would also give your mom a heads up that he is invited.  She may try to talk you out of inviting him, but as long as your mom is not paying for the wedding, she cannot dictate the guest list.  "Mom, I love you and am not trying to make this awkward for you.  But I'm inviting John and his wife to the wedding because I want him there.  I'm sorry if you do not like that decision, but that decision is final."

  

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• downtondiva member

  

  August 2015

  Only you can decide if you want him at your wedding. However, I do think that you should talk to your mom about it first. Even if she isn't paying, if it will really, really upset her to see him there, I think you need to take that into consideration.
  

  
  

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• db1984 member

  

  August 2015

  The only thing I can add is that if your Mom doesn't know you've found out who he is and contacted him, please oh please don't spring it on her at the wedding by having him there!
  
  

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• SP29 member

  

  August 2015

  This is a personal decision that is yours alone to make.
  
  If you want him there, invite him and his wife. He can decide if he feels comfortable attending or not. He does not need (and I don't think I would ask) to perform any traditional FOB roles.
  
  Do not seat him with your mom. Seat him at another table of guests who may have similar interests, or with people of a similar age that you know are friendly.
  
  While your mom has no say in you inviting him, I do agree I would let her know beforehand that you are inviting him.
  

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