Just to include some background first, as I've seen this is helpful in other posts, fiancé and I are getting married in October 2016. We are paying for the wedding mostly ourselves, with contributions from both my parents and FMIL and her husband in different areas. We have great relationships with my parents and FMIL and their contributions are being given to us as gifts with no strings attached. We are very fortunate they they have chosen to allow us to plan the day as we see fit and will be honoring them in different ways during the day. Also, both my parents and FMIL have become very close over the course of our relationship. Our families often celebrate holidays and birthdays together and have built a great relationship as one whole family, as opposed to two separate families.
But I'm not sure how to handle my fiancé's father. I don't want to call him my FFIL because to be honest, he really hasn't been much of a father to my fiancé and they have no real relationship. They only have contact when fiancé reaches out with a phone call (just as an example, fiancé and I have been together for almost 6 years and I have met his father only once). FMIL and fiancé's father were divorced when fiancé was very young and to make a long story short, fiancé father has not been there for fiancé physically, emotionally or financially. Luckily, FMIL remarried soon after and fiancé's stepdad has been an integral part of his life and a real father figure to him. Although he is very close to his stepdad, I know fiancé still has that empty feeling of missing his "father" and wanting him to be part of his life, and he is constantly disappointed by this. It breaks my heart to see this because I couldn't imagine not having both of my parents in my life (my parents have been happily married for over 30 years). I admittedly have almost built a resentment towards this man for hurting my fiancé as much as he has (when I say hurt, I mean the emotional hurt of not being around) and would like nothing more than to tell him off for being such a poor excuse of a father. It makes me angry that someone could treat their own child like that and it makes me even angrier that this "child" is the man that I love.
Now when it comes to our wedding, I have always dreamed of having a small-ish wedding (maybe 100 people) but as we began planning we realized that if we wanted to include all the people who are most important to us, then we needed to have a larger wedding. I've come to terms with that and I'm actually looking forward to having all our family and friends come together to celebrate our marriage. My dilemma comes with inviting fiancés father. Fiance wants to invite him and for me, that it purely his decision. I would never imagine telling him that we shouldn't include his father (even though it kills me), because I understand that it is important to him and he still deep down holds hope for that real relationship with him. But from the second fiancé told his father that we were getting married, his father was already requesting that his girlfriend and her children be invited to the wedding along with aunts and cousins that my fiancé has not seen or spoken to since childhood. I'm not sure how to handle this. I don't want to further strain whatever relationship fiancé has been able to maintain by putting limits to who can come from that side of the family, but I just don't see how inviting any of these people is necessary. Obviously fiancés father and girlfriend will be invited, but do I have to invite all these other relatives? I want to be supportive and give fiancé every opportunity to try to include his father, but am I wrong for not wanting complete strangers, to both myself and fiancé, at my wedding? Also, how do I keep this situation from becoming awkward? As mine and fiancé's family have become very close, this will be a giant family celebration, fiancé's father will essentially be an outsider.
I'm sorry for such a long-winded post and I also apologize if anything may be unclear, but I'm just at a loss. I know my wedding is a long way out but I know it is something that is eating away at fiancé and I want to be as supportive and understanding as I can. Any input, advice, or similar situations would be appreciated, as I'm sure that this is not a completely unique situation.