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Invites and Paper

Death of a relative days before invitations are sent

Hi everyone,

This past weekend, my great aunt (my grandfather's brother's wife) lost her battle with cancer. I am not particularly close with them (if that's relevant), but they are invited to our wedding. On their invitation, we have both his and her names printed. Our invitations are going out this week. I'm not really sure what to do--do I send the invitation as it is (with both of their names), or do I send it with his name only? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? What is the most respectful way to handle this?

Thank you!

Re: Death of a relative days before invitations are sent

  • Thanks, but no need to be so crass.
  • Honestly, under the circumstances, I would wait to send his invite for at least a week or two. Send a condolence card and give him a phone call. Send your invite after you've talked to him. If I just lost my spouse, the last thing in the world I'd want to get is a wedding invite without so much as a phone call/acknowledgement of my loss.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited August 2015
    The OP never at any time said she wasn't planning to first acknowledge the loss, so automatically assuming that and telling her to send a condolence card first, "today, in fact" was uncalled for and did come across like talking down to her.
  • Jen4948 said:
    The OP never at any time said she wasn't planning to first acknowledge the loss, so automatically assuming that and telling her to send a condolence card first, "today, in fact" was uncalled for and did come across like talking down to her.
    Considering the OP was asking for advice on whether or not to include the name of a woman who just passed away on an invitation, I don't think it was totally uncalled for to give advice on what to do prior to sending the invite.
    lembasloverRowan6416
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited August 2015


    Jen4948 said:

    The OP never at any time said she wasn't planning to first acknowledge the loss, so automatically assuming that and telling her to send a condolence card first, "today, in fact" was uncalled for and did come across like talking down to her.

    Considering the OP was asking for advice on whether or not to include the name of a woman who just passed away on an invitation, I don't think it was totally uncalled for to give advice on what to do prior to sending the invite.


    But you and @STARMOON44 merely assumed that she hadn't done so or wasn't going to simply because she said the woman had just died. She might well have already been planning to do so or had done so. So it did come off as rather condescending and snide.
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    The OP never at any time said she wasn't planning to first acknowledge the loss, so automatically assuming that and telling her to send a condolence card first, "today, in fact" was uncalled for and did come across like talking down to her.
    Considering the OP was asking for advice on whether or not to include the name of a woman who just passed away on an invitation, I don't think it was totally uncalled for to give advice on what to do prior to sending the invite.
    But you and @STARMOON44 merely assumed that she hadn't done so or wasn't going to simply because she said the woman had just died. She might well have already been planning to do so or had done so. So it did come off as rather condescending and snide.
    I agree.  A simple "If you haven't already done so, I would also send a condolence card before sending the wedding invitation" would have come across as a bit more kind and not condescending as "today in fact".
  • Thanks, but no need to be so crass.
    I'm sorry but how would you feel getting an invite with your recently deceased spouse's name on it? It'd hurt me pretty bad. As if you weren't already depressed enough but your great niece didn't even have either the common sense or the time to re-write an envelope and reply card. This is a no-brainer, use his name only and make sure he hears something from you with your condolences before he gets the invite. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers



    Thanks, but no need to be so crass.

    I'm sorry but how would you feel getting an invite with your recently deceased spouse's name on it? It'd hurt me pretty bad. As if you weren't already depressed enough but your great niece didn't even have either the common sense or the time to re-write an envelope and reply card. This is a no-brainer, use his name only and make sure he hears something from you with your condolences before he gets the invite. 

    How did you know whether or not she was planning to send condolences or hadn't done so before you told her to make sure he hears something from her etc.? You didn't, and that probably made the OP feel spoken down to.
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