Etiquette changes all the time, as our society changes. I happen to have a treasure trove of older etiquette books, dating back to Victorian days. I thought you ladies might enjoy reading about some of the customs of the past which are no longer with us.
VICTORIAN ETIQUETTE
A lady never shows emotion in public.
A lady never smiles so as to show her teeth. This is called "grinning" and is vulgar;
A lady never laughs with her mouth open.
A lady never leaves her house without a hat and gloves.
A lady is always addressed by her title, when speaking to her, except for members of her immediate family and very close personal friends. Using her first name is only done with her permission.
A lady never cuts her hair. It is worn up after the age of 16. At night it is brushed and plaited for sleeping. She never wears it loose!
A lady never raises her voice.
A lady does not engage in conversation to any person to whom she has not been formally introduced.
A lady's name appeared in the newspapers only three times: at her birth, her marriage, and her death.
Victorian weddings were private affairs, held in the bride's parents' home for immediate family members. They were usually held in the daytime, and afterwards, either a wedding breakfast (lunch) or cake and punch were served. The bride wore her best dress, and possibly, a wedding veil that was handed down in the family. If the family was wealthy, she wore a white silk dress, which she was expected to wear at other occasions for the next few years. The groom wore a suit, or for the most formal weddings, a cutaway morning coat. Most invitations were hand written in the carefully studied script that everyone learned. If you were wealthy, you had engraved invitations on white or ecru paper. Divorce was a disgrace to the entire family, and only spoken of in whispers.
POST WORLD WAR II
Most weddings were held in church in the daytime. Typical reception was cake and punch. Evening weddings were now possible, and, for the first time, men were allowed to wear tuxedos, which had been thought too informal for something as important as a wedding. The bride bought her white dress ready made from the bridal department of a department store. The dresses were designed for the wedding day only - not as practical as the Victorians. Bridal magazines were making their appearance and encouraging people to spend more and do more. Invitations were either engraved, thermographed, or hand written on white or ecru paper. No printed invitations allowed. Weddings became larger, since churches could hold more people.
Divorce was now acceptable, but second weddings were supposed to be private, and children from the previous marriage were not to be invited because it could be emotionally difficult for them. No white wedding dress for the second time bride. She usually wore a nice suit with a corsage instead of a bouquet.
TODAY:
You all know this! How much has changed! Huge wedding parties. Bachelorette parties (unheard of, in the 1960s!) Second time brides can have the whole wedding works with the white dress, and nobody bats an eyelash. Of course, the kids are invited. Nobody pretends to be a virgin anymore. Most couples have been living together for sometime before the wedding. Colors and printing are fine for invitations. Most weddings are held in hotels, restaurants, clubs, gardens - you name it. Catholic girls still get married in church, though. Alcohol is usually a big feature at the reception. (It was unusual in the 1960's because many churches didn't allow it - or dancing, either.) D.J.s are usually a feature of evening weddings, now that technology has made the job easier. The internet has made shopping for a gift much easier.
And the wedding industry continues to try to think up new ways to make us spend money.
I just thought you ladies would enjoy a historical perspective.
