Anxiety before wedding?

MadHops21 · August 2015

So it's finally under 10 months until the wedding. We've had a 3 year engagement (school, jobs, gathering money for a home) and it's finally appearing in the near future.

Did/Do you guys get anxious when it's closer to the wedding date? How do you handle it? I always had the most amount of time to get stuff done, and now that it's 10 months away, I can't help but think I have all this stuff left to do...

NowIamMrsKlein · August 2015

We had an 18 month engagement and are now 16 days out. To be honest I didn't feel any anxiety until 60 days out. We got a lot of the big things done and out of the way right off the bat, and the 60 day mark to me was 'Man I really need to stop procrastinating and get these damn favours made'

Make a list. FI and I have a shared reminders list in our phones. We put in every little thing we could think of wedding related that we needed to to. Then we organized them by priority of when they needed to be completed and gave each one a complete by day. So we each get little pop ups on our phone on certain days reminding us what needs to be accomplished that day. It forced us to get even one little thing done and checked off the list. One day the task may only take 5 minutes, another day may be an hour long task. It's also awesome to be able to 'check off' things as done and see the list get smaller.

It really helped me feel like I had everything under control because my biggest concern was forgetting something important.

MadHops21 · August 2015

@SoontobeMrsKlein seems like a smart idea. We already have dress, venue, caterer, photographer, reception, and dj all chosen and booked. I'm following TheKnot's check list to make sure we have the smaller things covered, like engagement photos (we just decided to have some taken) and starting to pick flowers and such. Just seems like there are going to be a lot of little things I won't think of until later.

redheadbride15 · August 2015

MadHops21 said:

@SoontobeMrsKlein seems like a smart idea. We already have dress, venue, caterer, photographer, reception, and dj all chosen and booked. I'm following TheKnot's check list to make sure we have the smaller things covered, like engagement photos (we just decided to have some taken) and starting to pick flowers and such. Just seems like there are going to be a lot of little things I won't think of until later.

Sounds like you have all the big things taken care of! You're in great shape for 10 months out. We only had a 9 month engagement, and that was still plenty of time to get things done. The "little things" won't really matter in the end. But yes, it's normal to get a bit anxious, that's what we Knotties are here for though!

NowIamMrsKlein · August 2015

MadHops21 said:

@SoontobeMrsKlein seems like a smart idea. We already have dress, venue, caterer, photographer, reception, and dj all chosen and booked. I'm following TheKnot's check list to make sure we have the smaller things covered, like engagement photos (we just decided to have some taken) and starting to pick flowers and such. Just seems like there are going to be a lot of little things I won't think of until later.

Try going 'event by event' and visualize yourself around the room. Ex:

We walk into the ceremony space *is there music playing, what music, who is running the music, what is the music on* we walk down the aisle *is there a runner, what about aisle decorations, what about reserved signs for parents* we get to the front of the room *is there a microphone, are we standing under something*

etc etc. And then do it for the reception to. I found talking out the day step by step with FI really helped us come up with things we didn't necessarily think of. Like a sign at the venue telling people to use the other entrance. The pen for signing the license. shot glasses for the bar tender to pour the drinks with etc.

MadHops21 · August 2015

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

show previous quotes

MadHops21 said:

@SoontobeMrsKlein seems like a smart idea. We already have dress, venue, caterer, photographer, reception, and dj all chosen and booked. I'm following TheKnot's check list to make sure we have the smaller things covered, like engagement photos (we just decided to have some taken) and starting to pick flowers and such. Just seems like there are going to be a lot of little things I won't think of until later.

Try going 'event by event' and visualize yourself around the room. Ex:

We walk into the ceremony space *is there music playing, what music, who is running the music, what is the music on* we walk down the aisle *is there a runner, what about aisle decorations, what about reserved signs for parents* we get to the front of the room *is there a microphone, are we standing under something*

etc etc. And then do it for the reception to. I found talking out the day step by step with FI really helped us come up with things we didn't necessarily think of. Like a sign at the venue telling people to use the other entrance. The pen for signing the license. shot glasses for the bar tender to pour the drinks with etc.

That's really really smart. You just reminded me to ask my SIL if she can/wants to sing for the ceremony! Thank you! We will have to follow that guide.

julieanne912 · August 2015

MadHops21 said:

@SoontobeMrsKlein seems like a smart idea. We already have dress, venue, caterer, photographer, reception, and dj all chosen and booked. I'm following TheKnot's check list to make sure we have the smaller things covered, like engagement photos (we just decided to have some taken) and starting to pick flowers and such. Just seems like there are going to be a lot of little things I won't think of until later.

The reality is, there will be a lot of little things. One thing that helped me was creating an actual physical list (I like paper lists vs ones on the phone, but that's totally personal preference), and broke the list down by "type". IE, "Invitations" and that included what all I needed to buy, like pens, stamps, etc. "Getting Ready" and that listed everything I would need that morning to get ready, both action items and just "collect" items... from "arrange meal" down to underwear, the fancy hair pins, shoes, etc. "Ceremony" and that listed everything I needed to do/buy/make for the ceremony "Reception" "Clean up" etc. That way it wasn't some huge list that seemed overwhelming, and it felt so good to check something off!

I'm actually on my third reiteration of the list. My wedding is in 16 days, so I remade a new list today of even more detailed stuff that I've been thinking of as we get closer.

thisismynickname2 · August 2015

Honestly? I didn't get anxious at all once the budget and guest list were set. I used the Knot's checklist (and crossed off tons of stuff that didn't apply).

Also? I chose a nearly all-inclusive venue. They had everything under control and made it so easy. I just gave them my DJ's name and they worked out logistics with him too. Officiant and photographer, easy-peasy. Anytime I had questions, they were like, "Yup, here's how that works."

I highly, highly recommend very or all-inclusive arrangements for people who don't want the stress of making sure chairs and tables and silverwear and decorations all match and show up on schedule... I was originally figuring that if I didn't go with an inclusive venue that I'd forget something like knives and people would be SOL with their food!

chloe97 · August 2015

Completely agree with @thisismynickname. We used an all-inclusive venue. You may think it's pricier to start, but we saved so much money in not having to deal with details by using one. Plus, the day of all of my guests, including my family were all relaxing by the pool all day leading up to the wedding, b/c no one had to work!I could focus on getting my hair and makeup done and gossiping with my BMs and my mom and MIL about the crazy RD antics. It was so relaxing and fun that by the time I was supposed to walk down the aisle, I was super relaxed and zenlike.

Our wedding was last Saturday, and I felt stress leading up to it, but as PPs mentioned- I used the checklists and kept my own lists about items that I needed for my dress, ceremomy, reception, emails that I needed to send, etc. The Thursday before my wedding, everything was all packed and I was ready to party with my friends and family in town. Don't overthink it or freak out about it, just take it one day at a time, one task at a time- it will all get done, I promise!

aliwis000 · August 2015

Just starting to sweet this week at about 25 days out. Now I am changing jobs in a few days so that is all very stressful as well.

Too many major life events happening within just a few week period. It seems like everywhere I go there is something to stress about...go to work, stress about job, go home, stress about wedding.

Sometimes I just wish it would be over but I also want to enjoy this time and not rush it too much. Sometimes life is just crazy I guess.

[Deleted User] · August 2015

I saw someone mention in a post that they were 60 days out about the time I was too- they were panicked. I didn't feel panicked but started to wonder of I should be. Ha ha!

I'm 45 days out today; just met with our planner yesterday to start giving info to help develop the time line for the day of (which was the one thing I was a bit anxious about) and I feel good.

Hang in there!

LD1970 · August 2015

Also remember that if some little details don't get done, it's not a trauma. We'd planned for favors that never happened and it was totally fine. I made programs, but had I not been able to? Eh, so what? Remember most things won't really detract if they're missing, as long as you've got good food, drink, and music.

NowIAmSyp · August 2015

35 days out today- exactly 5 weeks. Eeek!!

And I second using lists- I LOVE the feeling of crossing things off!

thefanciestbeckler · August 2015

Lists lists lists lists lists!!!!! They will save your life and your sanity. Promise. If you want to get real fancy, make an Excel spreadsheet.

Whatever you do, make sure you write down things as you think of them. Get organized and stay organized. My wedding is in 23 days and I am really not stressed at all simply because I took a little time to make a detailed list of everything left to do.

Best wishes to you! Enjoy the rest of your engagement

climbingsingle · August 2015

You're still way far out. I didn't get anxiety until about two weeks before. And even then, I was mostly just worried I would forget to bring or pack something. You've got a ton of time. There's nothing to be anxious about yet.

luckya23 · August 2015

I most certainly did not have anxiety 10 months out! At about 3 months out I started getting a bit because I had been ignoring things and had to order invitations, think about centerpieces, and all that. At 4 months out I was annoyed because my MIL insisted we visit the florist and I thought it was way too soon!

MadHops21 · August 2015

I know I shouldn't be stressed, but after having 2 years of "Oh, I have years left in the engagement, it's fine" and all of a sudden it's almost 300 days until the day, I'm realizing I don't have years left to push it off. I'm a huge procrastinator, hence why I got the major things out of the way.

It's more of a wake up call that it's starting to come together. All the vendors are saying "Oh, you have so many months left, we'll talk the week or 2 before the wedding to hash out details." and I'm okay with that. It reassures me. We're buying a house in a few months and I just started nursing school after getting my bachelors in IT earlier this year, so it's just a bunch of life events coming together within a year.

I'm using TheKnot's list for checking things off as I go. Seeing all the check marks make me realize how much I've already done and relaxes me. Now just to do the guest list. The venue I have includes the caterer and baker, and has a DOC, so my vendors just talk to her to coordinate, it's more of a "Hey! It's finally under a year!" excitement catching up to me.

chloe97 · August 2015

Just to put it in perspective for you, I planned my 200 person wedding in less than 8 months and I felt no time crunch. I had plenty of months where I had very few wedding tasks. 10 months is a long time.

If I had to do it again, I would probably have gone for a shorter engagement, because even with an 8 month engagement there was a lot of hurry up and wait.

MadHops21 · August 2015

chloe97 said:

Just to put it in perspective for you, I planned my 200 person wedding in less than 8 months and I felt no time crunch. I had plenty of months where I had very few wedding tasks. 10 months is a long time.

If I had to do it again, I would probably have gone for a shorter engagement, because even with an 8 month engagement there was a lot of hurry up and wait.

My brother and his wife planned the wedding in under 3 months and it was amazing. We wanted to wait until we saved up money, finished school, be in stable jobs, essentially just wait until life settled. I don't regret it, but holy hell, it's a long wait.

TheCheeseWench · August 2015

I too wonder if I SHOULD be getting stressed, but I'm not. I'm 33 days out, and I haven't really picked out flowers yet (shop said to call 2 weeks prior to check seasonal availability). I haven't picked out my shoes yet. Centerpieces are half finished (had to add more when we had to add tables when the moms added to the guest list). Programs are designed but I can't print until the last minute because I now have a bridesmaid who isn't sure if she's coming or not. Haven't finalized all of the ceremony music details (been playing phone tag with the musician for a week). FILS are still deciding between 2 RD venues. Will have a loooooong list of people to call next week since 1/2 haven't RSVPd. Still haven't gotten my dress altered, but FI's Grandmother is going to drive me on Tuesday. Haven't finished picking out gifts for family/WP/officiant. haven't finished welcome bags or the photo book I'm making as a wedding gift for FI. Still not nervous, and I hope panic doesn't set in while I finish it all up

MadHops21 · August 2015

TheCheeseWench said:

I too wonder if I SHOULD be getting stressed, but I'm not. I'm 33 days out, and I haven't really picked out flowers yet (shop said to call 2 weeks prior to check seasonal availability). I haven't picked out my shoes yet. Centerpieces are half finished (had to add more when we had to add tables when the moms added to the guest list). Programs are designed but I can't print until the last minute because I now have a bridesmaid who isn't sure if she's coming or not. Haven't finalized all of the ceremony music details (been playing phone tag with the musician for a week). FILS are still deciding between 2 RD venues. Will have a loooooong list of people to call next week since 1/2 haven't RSVPd. Still haven't gotten my dress altered, but FI's Grandmother is going to drive me on Tuesday. Haven't finished picking out gifts for family/WP/officiant. haven't finished welcome bags or the photo book I'm making as a wedding gift for FI. Still not nervous, and I hope panic doesn't set in while I finish it all up

This all makes me feel so much better. I'm not even close to doing any of that, minds keep changing, but this puts me at ease.

julieanne912 · August 2015

Just wanted to add to above... I'm 12 days out and I just finalized my flowers today with my "florist" (it's my aunt who is a pro florist and gifting me her services), and I still haven't done the favors, the table numbers, the escort cards, seating plan or finalized the day of schedule. FI also left town today for work, comes back Thursday night, then leaves again on Friday morning to go up to his hometown for his dad's 60th birthday party, he won't be back til the Wednesday before the wedding. Also I threw a large 60 person baby shower for my MOH yesterday, so I'm recovering from that (I cooked for 10 hours on Saturday and spent 8 hours there on Sunday), and then I'll jump into my list.

After all that, I'm still feeling pretty chill. I"m more stressed out about getting my house clean before all the visitors start showing up, my mom is the first one on Sunday and then people are trickling in after that.

Anxiety before wedding?

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