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Work friends?

Just read this NY Times article and found it interesting.
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/06/opinion/sunday/adam-grant-friends-at-work-not-so-much.html

What do you guys think? Are you close enough to coworkers that you did/will invite them to your weddings?

I have 1 ex-coworker as a BM, but she's the exception for me. Most likely, none of my other guests will be people my FI or I have met at work.

Re: Work friends?

  • edited September 2015
    When I work in offices in a true HR function I don't make work friends- even in my own department. I personally feel there's too much risk in being accused of favoritism.

    When I worked in a small 3 person office I became friendly with the ladies as we were a service provider and I didn't have to worry about things getting messy. I'm I my 30s, they are in their 50s and 60s so we're more friendly than friends.

    Also stayed friends with a boss I met on a temp assignment in college. She too is about 20 years older than me.

    I'm not inviting anyone I work with. Most (with the exception of the eavesdropper dude) are nice but I don't like any of them enough to invite them to my wedding.

    ETA I have invited all of the aformentioned former co-workers and boss to my wedding and they all came to my shower.
  • anjemonanjemon Minnie and Paul (MN) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I didn't invite any coworkers to my wedding. Partly because I started my current job less than 6 months before my wedding so I pretty much had a guest list before I started.

    But I've never really had a job where I became real life friends with a coworker. I had one boss I was pretty close with, but then we both changed jobs and didn't stay connected. She was probably the only former coworker I considered inviting.
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  • NowIamMrsKleinNowIamMrsKlein Cold Canadian North (British Columbia) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I don't have any work friends coming to the wedding. At an old job I was very close to two coworkers, we even did a girls trip to vegas together. However I left that job 5 years ago and while I keep up with them on FB, since moving away, the friendships faltered. I like my current co-workers but we don't hang out outside of work so I didn't feel it necessary to invite them.

    FI however, 90% of the friends he invited are current and past co-workers. At his previous job he stayed in company housing in the middle of no where. It was a small reserve town and not much opportunity to make friends outside of work, so these guys that you worked with and lived with became your life line to staying sane. (although sometimes they could also be the guys to drag you down). But those kind of friendships stick around.
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  • I was not going to invite coworkers to our wedding simply because I don't like to mix work and play. The one person I was friends with was let go from her position before the guest list was final, which worked out for me because I had wanted to invite her and her H but my no coworkers policy was getting in the way. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I only invited the people I hang out with outside of work, and left it at that. This isn't a work function or a "team building" day. This is a wedding.

    I invited 2 current coworkers, and 4 former coworkers, but we are all close outside of the office, and I would consider them truly friends.

    [Deleted User]
  • julieanne912julieanne912 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2015
    FI's got 4 coworkers coming.  He worked with them at his old company, then one of them (his boss) left that company and created a start-up, and brought them all on board one by one as the new company grew, so they've been working together in some capacity for a pretty long time.

    I've got one ex-coworker and her husband coming.  It was just me and her at my old job, and that was when I got engaged.  She's probably close to my mom's age and she was super excited to come... even when I left the job she said "I'm still invited to the wedding right?" (she got a STD).  I also invited another co-worker at my current job.  We used to work side by side on a team (2 companies ago with me, and she was at my now current company that we teamed up with).  She got my foot in the door where I work now, and we're still pretty close (go out for drinks sometimes etc).

    I'm getting pretty friendly with all my coworkers now (there's only 5 of us in this office), but I just started here in June so I wasn't quite there in terms of inviting them to my wedding, plus I didn't have room when the invites went out, and you're not supposed to B-list :)

    My MOH is also a former co-worker :)  She's the closest thing I have to a sister now.  We haven't worked together in almost 5 years though.
    Married 9.12.15
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  • FI's got 4 coworkers coming.  He worked with them at his old company, then one of them (his boss) left that company and created a start-up, and brought them all on board one by one as the new company grew, so they've been working together in some capacity for a pretty long time.

    I've got one ex-coworker and her husband coming.  It was just me and her at my old job, and that was when I got engaged.  She's probably close to my mom's age and she was super excited to come... even when I left the job she said "I'm still invited to the wedding right?" (she got a STD).  I also invited another co-worker at my current job.  We used to work side by side on a team (2 companies ago with me, and she was at my now current company that we teamed up with).  She got my foot in the door where I work now, and we're still pretty close (go out for drinks sometimes etc).

    I'm getting pretty friendly with all my coworkers now (there's only 5 of us in this office), but I just started here in June so I wasn't quite there in terms of inviting them to my wedding, plus I didn't have room when the invites went out, and you're not supposed to B-list :)

    My MOH is also a former co-worker :)  She's the closest thing I have to a sister now.  We haven't worked together in almost 5 years though.
    So I feel 12 for saying this, but the bolded made me laugh.

    JediElizabethkimmiinthemittensparklepants41
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I was not going to invite coworkers to our wedding simply because I don't like to mix work and play. The one person I was friends with was let go from her position before the guest list was final, which worked out for me because I had wanted to invite her and her H but my no coworkers policy was getting in the way. 
    I find this dumb. If you want to invite someone to your wedding, invite them. Whether they are a child, co worker, ex step father, whatever. This is no different than, oh I'm so glad Sally turned 18 because I was having a child free wedding.

    For the record, I invited 8 co workers to my wedding. And 2 former co workers from a different company. My husband invited 3. These are people I have had to my house, hung out with outside of work, and I'm going to one of their weddings next month. Sometimes you make friends with the people you work with, and they stay friends. There is nothing wrong with that. 

    And there is also nothing wrong with not inviting co workers. You shouldn't invite someone just because they are your boss or coworker. Can we just say invite your friends no matter how you met them.
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    PamBeesly524kimmiinthemittenlnixon8vikinganna87
  • Pupatella said:
    FI's got 4 coworkers coming.  He worked with them at his old company, then one of them (his boss) left that company and created a start-up, and brought them all on board one by one as the new company grew, so they've been working together in some capacity for a pretty long time.

    I've got one ex-coworker and her husband coming.  It was just me and her at my old job, and that was when I got engaged.  She's probably close to my mom's age and she was super excited to come... even when I left the job she said "I'm still invited to the wedding right?" (she got a STD).  I also invited another co-worker at my current job.  We used to work side by side on a team (2 companies ago with me, and she was at my now current company that we teamed up with).  She got my foot in the door where I work now, and we're still pretty close (go out for drinks sometimes etc).

    I'm getting pretty friendly with all my coworkers now (there's only 5 of us in this office), but I just started here in June so I wasn't quite there in terms of inviting them to my wedding, plus I didn't have room when the invites went out, and you're not supposed to B-list :)

    My MOH is also a former co-worker :)  She's the closest thing I have to a sister now.  We haven't worked together in almost 5 years though.
    So I feel 12 for saying this, but the bolded made me laugh.
    Haha I know, when I first started here that always made me laugh and I always feel a bit awkward typing it.  That and BM.  
    Married 9.12.15
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    Pupatellasparklepants41
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I invited one coworker and DH invited one. The logic was, "Would we still be friends with these people if we left our jobs?" Only for them was the answer yes. I think with coworkers, you're often friends by default because you're thrown together. Would you be friends with them if you'd met them in a club, or in college, or something different? That's my measuring stick. 
    ________________________________


    huskypuppy14JediElizabethPupatellasparklepants41
  • FH has met some really good friends from work. His BM and another GM are close friends he originally met at his last job. At that last job, the coworkers are extremely close and for some coworkers are some of the only people they hang out with. They work 12 hour shifts in a small office and apparently the environment is a lot different there.

    I work very part time watching this woman's 3 daughters. I've been watching them for years. The youngest was about 6 when I started and she's now 12 and we are all surprisingly close. The girls and their parents are all invited to the wedding and are such wonderful people.

    I don't forsee me ever losing touch with them.


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers



  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I invited 5 or 6 current and/or former co-workers. But not because they were my co-workers, because they were my friends. But we have always hung out outside of work and maintained non-work centric relationships. Just happened to meet at the office.
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  • snowywintersnowywinter member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited September 2015
    I don't understand this thread. I wouldn't invite anyone just because I work with them, but I've never worked anywhere where I didn't make at least a few friends. I guess there are some fields where people just don't make friends with co-workers, but for me, I've always had friends that I hung out with outside of work hours. At my current position, I have a lot of friends at work, all of whom will be invited. We're friends at and outside of work, we hang out, go to the movies, etc. Some of double date (or triple in one case) and go away for the weekend with our significant others. We just had a bridal shower for one of my co-workers who will be getting married this fall and and just attended a wedding of one my co-workers a few weeks ago. I'm seriously considering asking two of my co-workers to be BMs in my own wedding (haven't asked anyone yet).


  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I invited 1 CW, but we were friends before, though we became better friends since we worked together.  Since we hung out outside of work, she got an invite.  No one else though
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    While there are always cases of people making friends at work they consider close enough to invite to their weddings, I think it's less likely to happen than not for three general reasons:

    1) Space and/or budget restraints force couples to leave people who are more peripheral in their lives off their guest lists, such as coworkers they are friendly with but not close to and their SOs.

    2) Desire for small/intimate weddings causes couples to decide not to invite coworkers.

    3) They feel that they will be opening themselves up to workplace political problems by doing so. For example, if the atmosphere if the workplace has an all-or-none vibe to it, they may feel it's better to invite no one than to have to include coworkers and their SOs that they'd rather not invite. Or, it could be perceived as brown-nosing, or could lead to problems with the boss if the boss is not invited.

    These reasons don't apply universally, but they probably account for the vast majority of why people decide against inviting coworkers to their weddings (aside from not liking the job or their coworkers).
    JediElizabeth
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2015
    No. I have never made outside-of-work friends with my coworkers. Partially, I got married in college, so all my jobs were temporary summer things, not an ongoing years-long work relationship with these people. I do have one former job that I'm FB friends with a couple of people, but that was after getting married.

    I always had a great time with my coworkers, chatted, talked about our weekends, but never hanging out outside of work. Maybe that will change now that I'm at more long term jobs.

    JediElizabeth
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Both of my bridesmaids were fellow teachers, and quite a few of our guests were also fellow teachers.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    lnixon8
  • That article annoyed. Maybe some of us don't form friendships at work because we like to keep our private lives private.

    thisismynickname2
  • I have formed outside of work friendships with coworkers at pretty much every job I have had. I had several past coworkers turned friends at my wedding. We would go out for drinks after work, have lunch together before shifts, and get together on the weekend. I played on rec sports teams with some of them too.

    I also work in a department of three people total, so I invited my manager and the other lady in my department to my wedding as well. They are both 20 years older than me, at least, but I like them and we have great working relationships. We all talked about my wedding all the time and they threw me a shower at work with the rest of HR (I was in Payroll then, which is under the HR umbrella).

    For me, work is much more enjoyable when I am more than acquaintances with the people I see for the bulk of the day 5 days a week.
    snowywinter
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Both FI and I will have been at our jobs for 10+ years so we'll be inviting coworkers.  However, deciding which ones to not invite can be a challenge.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I have been at my place of work for 7 years now and if I were getting married tomorrow I would maybe invite one co-worker to my wedding.  I am friendly with a few people I work with but I have only really hung out with one outside of work in a friend-type capacity.

    I am someone who really doesn't have a lot of friends by choice (quality over quantity) and just do not care enough to make more friends at my place of employment.  They are called "work friends" for a reason, because if you didn't work with them then you wouldn't be giving them the time of day.

  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    DH and I didn't vote any current coworkers but I did invite 2 people I used to wait tables with. We like some of the people we work with but aren't close enough to invite to the wedding.

  • I changed companies in the midst of my engagement, so it was easy to invite some old co-workers who I wanted to keep for references...while not knowing anyone well enough at my new job to feel awkward about not inviting them. 
    *********************************************************************************

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  • I invited a lot of coworkers. We are all teachers and we also play fantasy bachelor/bachlorette- gathering at someones house each week. However I didn't invite my principal or anything like that.

    H has career add (linking back to the article): 5 jobs in 4 years, so he never that close with coworkers to invite them.


  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    I work in a small office that ranges from 6-8 people.  I invited 3 of my coworkers... the ones that I've worked with longest (10+ years).  The others had only been there 1-2 years and I wasn't as close to. I'm not sure that this was proper etiquette and maybe I should have invited everyone (invite in circles), but I didn't.  I didn't talk about the wedding at the office though.  I had a destination wedding in another state with a limited guest list.  If I had a local wedding, I would have likely invited the whole office. 2 of the 3 people I invited actually attended, which I was pleasantly surprised about.

    image 

  • FI and I work in the same building but for different companies so a lot of our work friends are our outside of work friends as well. FI was on this horrible alternative work schedule where he'd work 12 hour days 2 on 2 off then 3 on 3 off. Basically he only worked 7 out of 14 days and since his schedule rotated every two weeks and he was new in state (moved when he married his ex) he made a ton of friends from work. So most of our intended guest will be people we work with currently and in the past.

  • vikinganna87vikinganna87 Live Free or Die member
    Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    Every place I worked at until recently I became friends or close friends with coworkers.  There were many reasons I left my last company (about a month ago) but part of it was lack of a "cultural" fit.  I truly had no close friends there and missed that aspect of my day-to-day.  Since our wedding was relatively small (~50ppl), I only invited 1 former coworker from 10+ years ago who's become a good friend but I did consider inviting others.

    My new workplace is larger.  Since I switched "industries" - software to academia - I'd like to think there are more like-minded souls here.  At least that's what I've experienced so far and it's nice to be surrounded by not just men but also women around my age.

    I do like the NYT article; it seems sad but true.
  • I have one in my wedding, and four others invited, we all do the same job and got really close. The one in the wedding was in a different department but we met through a work meeting and she doesn't work there anymore. Three of them were actually at the cabin with us this last weekend which was a lot of fun!

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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