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Etiquette

My brother is having a DW in Vegas - attend or not attend?

I am really conflicted because I have to make a decision on whether or not to attend my brother's wedding in Vegas (in 2 weeks). I just found out about it 2 weeks ago, so it's kind of an elopement, but with close family. He lives in TN, I live in NY, and they're getting married in Vegas. My parent's are going, and some relatives that live on the west coast, and her mom and grandmother are going, not sure about her siblings or relatives. 
He's my only brother. 
My husband (of 369 days, thanks for keeping track Knot!) will be out of the country and originally I was supposed to go with him, but those plans are still up in the air, too. Long story short, he's going camping in Norway in Sept/Oct with his dad for 3 weeks and I was going to go tag along for a week and fly back. He's leaving next week and I still need to decide if I'm going or not going to that, too...... 
Anyway, my brother's wedding is on Monday, 9/28. Plane tickets to get there are between $400-$600. This trip messes up my original trip plans to Norway because I was going to leave in September, but I can still find a ticket there in early October for $1,200ish. 
I've been planning the Norway trip for years and I budgeted for it, but I can't really afford both. Regardless I am still going to give my brother and his new wifey a wedding gift so that's a new expense, too, that I didn't plan on. 

Add to the mix - last year my only brother did not attend my wedding. We gave him 11 months notice (he gave us 1 month), he couldn't come because of work (which I found out that he didn't even ask for time off, his boss didn't know that he had a sister...), and he waited until 2 weeks before my wedding date to tell me he wasn't coming, he didn't send a card or anything, he hasn't spoke to my DH is 6 years, so there's some drama between DH and my brother... 
I'm kind of caught in the middle. I don't want to NOT go to my brother's wedding out of spite. I don't want to go into debt over his last minute wedding and my parent's can help some by letting me crash in their hotel room, but it would still be an expensive trip, counting my flight, parking fees at the airport because I would be going alone and leaving out of an airport 90 minutes away to get a cheaper flight, $$ for a pet sitter because I'm a crazy cat lady... 
If I don't go to Norway, I can better afford Vegas, but DH may feel like I chose my brother over him. If I do both, it'll take a while to pay off my cc... 
If anyone has ideas or insight or suggestions or comments, please let me know.  
Thanks!! 

Re: My brother is having a DW in Vegas - attend or not attend?

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I am really conflicted because I have to make a decision on whether or not to attend my brother's wedding in Vegas (in 2 weeks). I just found out about it 2 weeks ago, so it's kind of an elopement, but with close family. He lives in TN, I live in NY, and they're getting married in Vegas. My parent's are going, and some relatives that live on the west coast, and her mom and grandmother are going, not sure about her siblings or relatives. 
    He's my only brother. 
    My husband (of 369 days, thanks for keeping track Knot!) will be out of the country and originally I was supposed to go with him, but those plans are still up in the air, too. Long story short, he's going camping in Norway in Sept/Oct with his dad for 3 weeks and I was going to go tag along for a week and fly back. He's leaving next week and I still need to decide if I'm going or not going to that, too...... 
    Anyway, my brother's wedding is on Monday, 9/28. Plane tickets to get there are between $400-$600. This trip messes up my original trip plans to Norway because I was going to leave in September, but I can still find a ticket there in early October for $1,200ish. 
    I've been planning the Norway trip for years and I budgeted for it, but I can't really afford both. Regardless I am still going to give my brother and his new wifey a wedding gift so that's a new expense, too, that I didn't plan on. 

    Add to the mix - last year my only brother did not attend my wedding. We gave him 11 months notice (he gave us 1 month), he couldn't come because of work (which I found out that he didn't even ask for time off, his boss didn't know that he had a sister...), and he waited until 2 weeks before my wedding date to tell me he wasn't coming, he didn't send a card or anything, he hasn't spoke to my DH is 6 years, so there's some drama between DH and my brother... 
    I'm kind of caught in the middle. I don't want to NOT go to my brother's wedding out of spite. I don't want to go into debt over his last minute wedding and my parent's can help some by letting me crash in their hotel room, but it would still be an expensive trip, counting my flight, parking fees at the airport because I would be going alone and leaving out of an airport 90 minutes away to get a cheaper flight, $$ for a pet sitter because I'm a crazy cat lady... 
    If I don't go to Norway, I can better afford Vegas, but DH may feel like I chose my brother over him. If I do both, it'll take a while to pay off my cc... 
    If anyone has ideas or insight or suggestions or comments, please let me know.  
    Thanks!! 

    I would skip your brother's wedding, unless Norway gets cancelled.  Some Vegas chapels have video streaming of the ceremonies.  Maybe you could ask your brother if that is an option?  Or see if your parents could facetime the wedding.  That way you are seeing the important part, but not spending money. 

    If you do want to go to Vegas for your brother's wedding, have you checked if Southwest flies there from your local airport?  They sometimes have discounted flights there.  Or sometimes there really early flights out of airports are cheap, so maybe you could fly out there on Monday instead of a weekend day.  And is it possible to fly from Vegas directly to Norway for much of a price difference? 

    Norway, to me, is probably a once in a lifetime trip, so I would prioritize that. Your brother gave you very short notice (which is his right to do), but that also means that people may not be able to attend because of it.

    SP29MairePoppymadamerwin
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Go to Norway.  If you really don't want to go to your brother's wedding, just don't go.
  • I guess I should say we've had plans to go to Norway instead of been planning to go. My H's dad is Norwegian, we were planning to go with him, but he doesn't plan and will literally be like, "I'm going to Norway on Monday, see you in a month" Luckily this time we got a week's notice, so H is jumping on it and leaving. I would have, too, but the wedding...
    H has more animosity than I do about it. He knows I want to go, but he wouldn't go regardless. 


  • Seems odd to me that you don't have your tickets to Norway yet...  You've got to make your decision about what you ultimately want to do.

    Really, I'd see about cheaper tickets to Vegas (check with some travel agents too because sometimes they have Vegas packages available - without the timeshare stuff - that you can get for super cheap.  I'd say if you can get both tickets for the $1200 window, you go to both...  Check some surrounding smaller regional airports to fly out of as sometimes that can save you a great deal on the price of the ticket.  There is a cheap flight to both locations somewhere out there. 

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  • This is a very personal choice, not really one we can answer for you.

    Your brother is free to decide he's having a DW in Vegas in one month, but likewise you are able to decide that you are unable to attend (for whatever reason- notice, work, time, money, etc). 

    If you want to go to Norway, because you had it planned before your brother told you about his wedding, go to Norway.

    If you want to see your brother get married, go to his wedding.

    If your FIL goes to Norway often, it sounds like there is potentially another time you would be able to go? (thus making it not a once in a lifetime trip?)
    OliveOilsMomPrettyGirlLostredoryx
  • I guess I should say we've had plans to go to Norway instead of been planning to go. My H's dad is Norwegian, we were planning to go with him, but he doesn't plan and will literally be like, "I'm going to Norway on Monday, see you in a month" Luckily this time we got a week's notice, so H is jumping on it and leaving. I would have, too, but the wedding...
    H has more animosity than I do about it. He knows I want to go, but he wouldn't go regardless. 


    It sounds like you want to go to Norway and not your bro's wedding from your posts. But, if you truly do want to attend his wedding, here are a few thoughts:

    1. If you go on your Norway trip, don't you have to pay for parking at the airport anyways?

    2. What about a one way ticket to Las Vegas from NY? If it's not too expensive to do that, how about flying from Las Vegas to Norway and then back to NY? (This is hoping that you can find some last minute flight deals, and that the total ticket prices of doing this wouldn't be more than your $1200 budget)

    But honestly, I would just go to Norway and tell your bro that you're sorry but you can't attend.



  • Go to Norway, let bro know you're very happy for him but the Norway trip was already planned in advance of knowing about the wedding.  Do not include your feelings from him missing your wedding in this in any way.
  • Thanks for the thoughts everybody!! I'm checking flights constantly from all airports within 4 hours of me and looking into the one way trips, too. I think if I don't go to Vegas, no matter what the reason, it would be perceived as being out of spite, so I'm searching everything to find a cheap ticket out there. 
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You are in the clear regarding etiquette if you accept or decline attending your brother's wedding. But I would go to my brother's wedding. That's something I just wouldn't miss unless I had something on my calendar that I could not change without difficulty. The Norway trip sounds like it is flexible. 
    SP29
  • Can you fly to Vegas, and then head straight to Norway in one big trip?
    image
    PrettyGirlLostredoryx
  • Thanks for the thoughts everyone!!!!!!!!!!
    ticket prices are ridiculous trying to coordinate multiple cities, especially throwing in international and one ways to each place seems to be just as expensive. 

    So I just booked my ticket to Vegas. Still up in the air on the Norway ticket, but that's another story that's not wedding related, so no need to post more about it here. 

    At least it's official that i'm going to my brother's wedding. 
    Thanks again for the help deciding!!!!! :) 
    SP29
  • go to priceline.com and name your own ticket price you have to put your info in first and where your destination is and you also get to pick from a few different areas to fly out of  plus a credit card ( you only get charged if they acept your price) if your acepted then they will tell you what airport airline and time 

    its well worth it i have gotten flights from ct to california dirt cheep 
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