My brother is having a DW in Vegas - attend or not attend?

Re: My brother is having a DW in Vegas - attend or not attend?

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  lembaslover member

  

  September 2015

  letters2lindsay said:

  I am really conflicted because I have to make a decision on whether or not to attend my brother's wedding in Vegas (in 2 weeks). I just found out about it 2 weeks ago, so it's kind of an elopement, but with close family. He lives in TN, I live in NY, and they're getting married in Vegas. My parent's are going, and some relatives that live on the west coast, and her mom and grandmother are going, not sure about her siblings or relatives. 

  He's my only brother. 

  My husband (of 369 days, thanks for keeping track Knot!) will be out of the country and originally I was supposed to go with him, but those plans are still up in the air, too. Long story short, he's going camping in Norway in Sept/Oct with his dad for 3 weeks and I was going to go tag along for a week and fly back. He's leaving next week and I still need to decide if I'm going or not going to that, too...... 

  Anyway, my brother's wedding is on Monday, 9/28. Plane tickets to get there are between $400-$600. This trip messes up my original trip plans to Norway because I was going to leave in September, but I can still find a ticket there in early October for $1,200ish. 

  I've been planning the Norway trip for years and I budgeted for it, but I can't really afford both. Regardless I am still going to give my brother and his new wifey a wedding gift so that's a new expense, too, that I didn't plan on. 

  
  

  Add to the mix - last year my only brother did not attend my wedding. We gave him 11 months notice (he gave us 1 month), he couldn't come because of work (which I found out that he didn't even ask for time off, his boss didn't know that he had a sister...), and he waited until 2 weeks before my wedding date to tell me he wasn't coming, he didn't send a card or anything, he hasn't spoke to my DH is 6 years, so there's some drama between DH and my brother... 

  I'm kind of caught in the middle. I don't want to NOT go to my brother's wedding out of spite. I don't want to go into debt over his last minute wedding and my parent's can help some by letting me crash in their hotel room, but it would still be an expensive trip, counting my flight, parking fees at the airport because I would be going alone and leaving out of an airport 90 minutes away to get a cheaper flight, $$ for a pet sitter because I'm a crazy cat lady... 

  If I don't go to Norway, I can better afford Vegas, but DH may feel like I chose my brother over him. If I do both, it'll take a while to pay off my cc...
  If anyone has ideas or insight or suggestions or comments, please let me know.  

  Thanks!! 

  
  

  Obviously this is a personal decision that you have to make but since your asking for opinions here are my 2cents. Your brother is only going to get married once (or that is the typical presumption for a wedding) but you can go to Norway in 2 years or 5 years when you save up again. I bolded the part about your husband feeling like you chose your brother over him which I can understand worrying about but this is your partner in life and I feel like if you sit down and explain to him how you are feeling and that you don't want him to feel this way then he should understand. 

  
  

  As for your brother not going to your wedding and giving you no notice, is that rude, of course it is but sometimes you just have to be the bigger person in a family relationship if that relationship means a lot to you. So if it were me I would go see my brother's wedding. Would I be annoyed sure, but I wouldn't miss it for the world. 

  

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  jenna8984 member

  

  September 2015

  My situation was a little similar, not exact. But H and I had been saving for 2 years for our big Asia vacation. My brother kept saying that they planned to wed fall of 2014, so we went ahead and booked the trip for fall of 2013. All of a sudden in July 2013 they said "Oh we changed our minds, we booked a venue for 3 months from now/ 4 days before you leave for Asia, and we want you to be a bridesmaid". I was like you have got to be freaking kidding me?! I saved up so much for the trip and hadn't planned on $500-$1,000 to be in his wedding that same week! I made it happen, I was unhappy with the situation (SIL picked a dress over my budget, her MOH billed me for the shower, etc). It was stressful at the time but I'm glad I was there.

   I think you should try to shuffle your money around and make it, even if it means sleeping in your parents' room, asking a friend for an airport ride so you don't have to pay parking, ask a friend to check on the kitties and buy her a small gift instead of an expensive sitter. By no means go into debt though, so if you try everything and you can only chose one then just chose one.

                                                                   

  
  

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  letters2lindsay member

  

  September 2015

  Thanks for your thoughts everybody!! I'm definitely checking flights from everywhere within 4 hours of me to find the best deal so I can hopefully do both. 

  I appreciate the feedback! 

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  [Deleted User] member

  

  September 2015

  Putting aside the fact he didn't attend your wedding. When someone plans a wedding that requires people to travel to attend, and only give them 1 month notice, they need to expect that many of the guests won't be able to attend. He may have done that intentially to reduce the guest list too. You've been planning this trip to Norway for years and the plans are set & your husbands portion paid for. I would go for that & just tell your family, I'm sorry, I can't afford to do both and this has been planned for a long time.Had we had more notice, we could have found a way to afford both.

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  letters2lindsay member

  

  September 2015

  Thanks for the info and suggestions!!  

  I found a reasonable ticket to Vegas, so I am going to his wedding. 

  I hope to get the Norway trip set, too, even if it has to be on my cc, I'm great at budgeting, so skimping for a few months should allow me to pay it off faster. 

  Thanks so much everyone for your comments!! 

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  JoanE2012 member

  

  September 2015

  letters2lindsay said:

  Thanks for the info and suggestions!!  

  I found a reasonable ticket to Vegas, so I am going to his wedding. 

  I hope to get the Norway trip set, too, even if it has to be on my cc, I'm great at budgeting, so skimping for a few months should allow me to pay it off faster. 

  Thanks so much everyone for your comments!! 

  Good budgeting means you don't have to use a credit card and pay it off over several months.  I recommend an emergency fund in the future so you don't feel stressed with financial commitments that come up!  Also, it sounds like you're trying to find airline tickets to Europe within the next few weeks or so - you will generally pay more as it's more last minute.  I usually buy tickets to Europe at least 4 months before I plan to travel.

  
  

  Good luck and have fun!

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