Do I let Dad walk me down the aisle?

perdj182xxxx · July 2015

My father and I are not really close, and I wanted to walk down the aisle by myself. However, over the past couple of months my Mom has been telling me that my Dad really wants to walk with me and that because I'm his only daughter he will be sad and disappointed if he doesn't get to. Should I just let him do it, or should I tell him I would prefer to walk alone?

Jen4948 · July 2015

It should be strictly up to you.

Your father's sperm contribution and your mother's guilt-tripping should not play any role in your decision. Only "let him do it" if it really has positive meaning for you. If it doesn't, then tell your parents, "I'm sorry for Dad's sadness and disappointment, but I've made a final decision that he won't be walking me down the aisle at my wedding." And if they push it, tell them that the subject is closed.

BrinkyDink16 · July 2015

I think you're wording of this question holds the answer. Having your father walk you down the aisle should be something you WANT to do, not just something that you LET him do. I know it'll be a hard conversation to have but you need to stand firm and explain that you've decided to take that walk on your own.

NicRen17 · July 2015

I've been debating on whose going to walk me down the aisle vs walking alone. I am kinda leaning towards walking down by myself and having my dad escort my mom down the aisle.

I just worry about hurt feelings. My dad and I are not super close but the relationship we have is pretty close. I am very thankful for my father and everything he has done for me. I don't want him thinking that he's not an important part of my life. I am thinking I will have him "give me away" at least tho.

perdj182xxxx · July 2015

NicRen17 said:

I've been debating on whose going to walk me down the aisle vs walking alone. I am kinda leaning towards walking down by myself and having my dad escort my mom down the aisle.

I just worry about hurt feelings. My dad and I are not super close but the relationship we have is pretty close. I am very thankful for my father and everything he has done for me. I don't want him thinking that he's not an important part of my life. I am thinking I will have him "give me away" at least tho.

I agree. I know it will hurt my Dad's feelings, and I do appreciate and love him. Now I just have to figure out a nice way to tell him I want to walk alone.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

perdj182xxxx said:

NicRen17 said:

I've been debating on whose going to walk me down the aisle vs walking alone. I am kinda leaning towards walking down by myself and having my dad escort my mom down the aisle.

I just worry about hurt feelings. My dad and I are not super close but the relationship we have is pretty close. I am very thankful for my father and everything he has done for me. I don't want him thinking that he's not an important part of my life. I am thinking I will have him "give me away" at least tho.

I agree. I know it will hurt my Dad's feelings, and I do appreciate and love him. Now I just have to figure out a nice way to tell him I want to walk alone.

I want to walk alone or with FH. I'm glad my dad has another daughter he walked down the aisle because I'm not that girl.

southernbelle0915 · July 2015

perdj182xxxx said:

NicRen17 said:

I've been debating on whose going to walk me down the aisle vs walking alone. I am kinda leaning towards walking down by myself and having my dad escort my mom down the aisle.

I just worry about hurt feelings. My dad and I are not super close but the relationship we have is pretty close. I am very thankful for my father and everything he has done for me. I don't want him thinking that he's not an important part of my life. I am thinking I will have him "give me away" at least tho.

I agree. I know it will hurt my Dad's feelings, and I do appreciate and love him. Now I just have to figure out a nice way to tell him I want to walk alone.

"I love you, dad, but when I picture my wedding, I know I want to walk down the aisle alone."

If you still want to do the dad/daughter dance, transition the conversation by telling him you'd like to do that with him and start talking about a song.

Teddy917 · August 2015

perdj182xxxx said:

NicRen17 said:

I've been debating on whose going to walk me down the aisle vs walking alone. I am kinda leaning towards walking down by myself and having my dad escort my mom down the aisle.

I just worry about hurt feelings. My dad and I are not super close but the relationship we have is pretty close. I am very thankful for my father and everything he has done for me. I don't want him thinking that he's not an important part of my life. I am thinking I will have him "give me away" at least tho.

I agree. I know it will hurt my Dad's feelings, and I do appreciate and love him. Now I just have to figure out a nice way to tell him I want to walk alone.

Maybe say how you like the symbolism of entering into your marriage as an independent woman.

NicRen17 · August 2015

Yea These are understandable reasons and suggestions. I am still on the fence. May be I will discuss this at our last meeting with the pastor. I do like the idea of independence and when my pastor was talking about walking down the aisle, he described it as eyes on each other (FI and I) and I really liked that symbolism there. I would prefer my father to walk my mother but I don't want tension (separated for almost 20 years but on good terms now) and my brother is my Best Man and I don't want to make him walk my mom and then come back up to do the processional. But I am nervous about walking down by myself and faltering down the aisle LOL!

Parts of my issue also is that my dad was supposed to walk me down the aisle for my first wedding. Ex-Groom left me the day of the wedding. My dad and I did the rehearsal with him walking me down. We've been treating this wedding as both (my current FI and I) of our second marriages. Less pomp and circumstance. Smaller guest list. Little to no decoration. ect

OliveOilsMom · August 2015

NicRen17 said:

Yea These are understandable reasons and suggestions. I am still on the fence. May be I will discuss this at our last meeting with the pastor. I do like the idea of independence and when my pastor was talking about walking down the aisle, he described it as eyes on each other (FI and I) and I really liked that symbolism there. I would prefer my father to walk my mother but I don't want tension (separated for almost 20 years but on good terms now) and my brother is my Best Man and I don't want to make him walk my mom and then come back up to do the processional. But I am nervous about walking down by myself and faltering down the aisle LOL!

Parts of my issue also is that my dad was supposed to walk me down the aisle for my first wedding. Ex-Groom left me the day of the wedding. My dad and I did the rehearsal with him walking me down. We've been treating this wedding as both (my current FI and I) of our second marriages. Less pomp and circumstance. Smaller guest list. Little to no decoration. ect

The most traditional entrance is with the B&G walking in together. It has only been in more recent times that the FOB would escort in the bride. So do what is best for you. You should probably decide soon and tell your dad ASAP. It will be better for you to "rip off the Band-Aid" and tell him sooner rather than later. It will probably alleviate a lot of stress you may be feeling.

As for you parents, I would think its odd that your father escorts your mother in, if they have been separated and divorced for 20 years - even if they are on good terms. Your brother could escort your mom in, then go take his place up at the front. Or you could have a cousin or uncle escort your mom to her seat. Your FI could even escort in both moms.

NicRen17 · September 2015

@oliveoilsmom

Thanks for your input. We had our last meeting with our pastor and there will be no official parent entrance beforehand. My parents can come in and be escorted down to their seats any way they wish. Which will probably be either my brother or my groom (they will both be walking the floor a little bit before the ceremony).

My parents (not that it matters) are not actually divorced. They have been legally separated but never divorced and neither one of them have an official significant other. My mom is "seeing" someone but its been pretty lax and its long distance. My parents actually get along better now than they did 20 years ago. We do holidays together and travel together more as a family now than we did before. During the ceremony, my parents will be sitting together.

Do I let Dad walk me down the aisle?

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