Alternative to Father/Mother/Daughter/Son Dances

Re: Alternative to Father/Mother/Daughter/Son Dances

• Jen4948 member

  

  August 2015

  Why not compromise and agree to the dance if it's not a spotlight dance?

  Beyond that, stop sharing information about the wedding with her that she doesn't absolutely need to know, because the more information she has, the more complaints she'll dredge up against you.  If she continues to complain about plans she already knows about, I'd have your FI tell her, "Mom, I'm sorry you don't like our plans, but we're not willing to hear more complaints about them.  We did not make them for the purpose of inconveniencing you.  From now on, the subject of our wedding plans is closed."

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  August 2015

  Knottie42529661 said:

  We're having a relatively casual Sunday noon wedding. We're goofy people who dislike high levels of formality. As such, we're not planning on people dancing. (We've got lawn games, ambiance music, and games for entertainment.) We're not interested in having a formal "dance" with our parents, for many reasons.
  
  While we wanted to do a quick first dance with each other, but the idea of dancing with our parents makes us extremely uncomfortable. Neither of us have that sort of relationship with them. And it feels insincere to participate in a tradition without meaning it. So we've decided we wont have a first dance, and we're trying to eliminate the dances with our parents (no matter how quick, or how many people are 'in the spotlight')
  
  My father (who is paying 80% of the wedding, my FI and are cover the rest) isn't a big fan of dancing anyway, but I can tell he also wants to have some sort of special moment to share. And I agree.
  
  However, my FI's mother will be beyond upset that we don't want to "honor" her with a Mother/Son dance. She's been "dreaming of this her entire life". I sympathize that the MOG doesn't get the same attention she wants, and that unfortunately I'm not her ideal daughter in law.
  
  Our whole goal with the wedding is to stay as authentic and true to who we are as a individuals and as a couple. But she's putting up such a fight about it and threatening to ruin the atmosphere at the wedding with her complaints.
  
  How can we honor our parents, appease his mother, and not dance?
  Thanks for your help!
  

  If you're not having a dance, she can't dance with her son.  Dear lord, I can't even figure out how to appease this woman.  Let her be her son's partner in the 3-legged race?  Because seriously, unless she's planning on standing up in front of everyone drinking beer and playing lawn games, waving her hands in the air and screaming, "It's my son's wedding day, and while I know there's no music, I'm going to have a dance with my son, Everyone come over here and watch!"  I can't even.  Take her to a nightclub with throbbing music and strobe lights for the afterparty and let her dance there.  Because I can't. 

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• MandyMost member

  

  September 2015

  Since you're not having any dancing, just shut down your future MIL as much as possible. It would be a different story if you were having other dancing--then I'd say just suck it up to appease her.

  
  

  If you know it would make your parents happy, and you feel like your day will go smoother if your parents are happy, there are plenty of other things you can do to honor them and give them some attention. Obviously at the ceremony they could be walking you down the aisle (my husband walked down the aisle with is mother prior to the ceremony), giving them a role in the ceremony itself, allowing them to hold the rings and give them to you at the ceremony, etc. You can also make sure they have big corsages that clearly identify them as "special". 

  
  

  At the reception, instead of just "bride" and "groom" chair signs, you could get them chair signs also. You could offer them to do a welcome toast, or give a toast instead of or in addition to your BM/MOH. You yourselves could give a toast thanking them (that would end with you walking over to them and hugging them). 

  
  

  Prior to the wedding you can involve them in the getting ready activities, so they feel like VIPs.

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