In recent weeks FI and I have had some very sad events to tend to involving his side of the family. FI's dad is divorced from FI's step-mother, with whom FI didn't really get along, and she strongly dislikes me. Our wedding is in May and we have sent STDs to FI's dad, FI's grandparents and siblings/step-siblings without including step-mother or a few of his less-than-desirable other family members. I have only met said family members once or twice a few years back prior to our getting engaged, and subsequent events left me and FI either uninvited, or called 1-2 hours before event start time, so needless to say, we have missed a few family functions.
FF to sad events where everyone is present. FI's step-sister mentioned receiving our STD and step-mother overheard. Now all of a sudden she wants to know where is hers, and did we invite XYZ....My polite response was "This is not the place/time to talk about our wedding/guest list." Since then, FI's dad has been hounding him about the "right thing" to do, ex-wife is nagging about it, just suck it up. FI and I are paying for this wedding 100%, and do not feel we should invite those with whom neither of us is close. I have a list of family members who did not make the cut and am handling those gripes by simply stating "I haven't seen/spoken to *blah* in over 2 years and *blah* is not invited. I'm sorry this is not acceptable to you; however, we have a budget and we feel that only those who are nearest and dearest should be invited." I understand that FI should be the one to handle his dad, but I feel that he is going to cave. We have already had a discussion regarding "friends" his dad said "have to be" invited, and I stood my ground on our budget, capacity of our venue, and the fact that I would have to remove the only 3 friends I have invited in order to accommodate these people his dad knew from a job he had 10 years ago.
I guess I'm asking, when (if ever) would it be appropriate for me to step in and steer things away from getting out of hand? I do not want a group of people (my side or his) to cause drama, a scene, or worse, and those who have been cut from the guest list are the type that drama (and usually the authorities) follows like a cloud of stink on a skunk. Help?