Moms and Maids

Bridesmaid difficulties

alexandducky412alexandducky412 Jacksonville, NC member
25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
edited September 2015 in Moms and Maids
So, I asked eight of my friends to be bridesmaids, and gave all of my bridesmaids the opportunity to drop for whatever reason, and my feelings not to be hurt (they all know my feelings would not be hurt because almost every one of them has had to miss or drop out of an important event of mine or mine theirs and we understand we're all adults with different situations and finances can go to shit at random and things sometimes don't go as planned). All of them said they could come through for me, and I told them that at any time, if they were having difficulties, they could come to me to work through them, we could negotiate figuring it out, and if they felt they needed to drop out, then they could do so, no hard feelings because things happen and it's not fair for me to get upset because you had a need that was much bigger than my want. The only thing I wanted from them is to try to pay for their own dresses, I'll cover makeup and hair and nails, and that they show up clean, on time, and (mostly) sober.

Everyone accepted and said they understood they could talk to me. My MOHs said to mind that neither of their hair holds a curl, so I told them that they can all come to a decision that works for everyone. One girl is natural and won't put heat on her hair to straighten it, I suggested hairstyles for her. Everyone is working with me and negotiating with the group, except one.

I asked her to take one weekend in a few months to take a three hour drive with me to go to Virginia to choose her dress. I told everyone that I wanted them all at the same shop even though they're doing mismatched dresses so that they can all have the best chance of getting the closest colors possible and no one ends up with some weirdly off color.

The one bridesmaid who lives near me and works with me said no, she didn't want to give up a single day of a single weekend because she had to get a sitter and she had some family issues that just got resolved, so she didn't want to make time in a few months because it took away from her family now. Eventually, she agreed, but made it seem like I was asking her to inconvenience herself every weekend for the next six months, then guilt tripped me when I pointed out that she guilt tripped me by making it seem like I didn't care about her problems.

Then when I got to hair and makeup, she flat out said she wouldn't get her hair done with the group and she wasn't wearing makeup. She said she only wanted her stylist to do her hair, seemed offended when I offered to pay for her to get it done from her stylist since I'm covering everyone else, and after I asked if she wouldn't even put on mascara and lipstick and that I didn't understand the fight, she again tried guilt tripping me because she's allergic to a compound in most  mascaras and "didn't want to ruin my big day" by itching but "just for [me] she'll deal with the unbearable itch".

Keep in mind, I had no knowledge of this allergy, and she threw it back in my face like I knew and was trying to force her to do it anyway. Had she told me of the allergy, she would have gotten the option I later presented of providing her with hypoallergenic makeup, which she said she'd buy and, again, got offended when I offered to pay for it.

It's not that any of her difficulties are really super difficult, it's that she's not trying to work with me or negotiate. She's putting her foot down and stomping and saying "no no no, I don't want this." and turning around and holding her breath like an angry child and forcing me to come to her to go "is this a good halfway? No? How about mostly yours? Still not that good? Well if we do this you don't stick out from the rest of the party" instead of just telling me what the issue is so we can work on it and negotiate. She also threatened to step down on me because she wasn't getting her way, but when I said she'd be seated as a guest of honor and her input is still appreciated, she told me "no shit I'm providing input, I'm a bridesmaid".

I don't know what she wants or what to do, she's still one of my best friends and I don't want to hurt her feelings or end our friendship over a wedding. Should I call her on it if she threatens to step down again? What do?

ETA: I would also like to know if I'm being an unreasonable bridezilla and how to not be one if I am.
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Re: Bridesmaid difficulties

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So, I asked eight of my friends to be bridesmaids, and gave all of my bridesmaids the opportunity to drop for whatever reason, and my feelings not to be hurt (they all know my feelings would not be hurt because almost every one of them has had to miss or drop out of an important event of mine or mine theirs and we understand we're all adults with different situations and finances can go to shit at random and things sometimes don't go as planned). All of them said they could come through for me, and I told them that at any time, if they were having difficulties, they could come to me to work through them, we could negotiate figuring it out, and if they felt they needed to drop out, then they could do so, no hard feelings because things happen and it's not fair for me to get upset because you had a need that was much bigger than my want. The only thing I wanted from them is to try to pay for their own dresses, I'll cover makeup and hair and nails, and that they show up clean, on time, and (mostly) sober.

    Everyone accepted and said they understood they could talk to me. My MOHs said to mind that neither of their hair holds a curl, so I told them that they can all come to a decision that works for everyone. One girl is natural and won't put heat on her hair to straighten it, I suggested hairstyles for her. Everyone is working with me and negotiating with the group, except one.

    I asked her to take one weekend in a few months to take a three hour drive with me to go to Virginia to choose her dress. I told everyone that I wanted them all at the same shop even though they're doing mismatched dresses so that they can all have the best chance of getting the closest colors possible and no one ends up with some weirdly off color.

    The one bridesmaid who lives near me and works with me said no, she didn't want to give up a single day of a single weekend because she had to get a sitter and she had some family issues that just got resolved, so she didn't want to make time in a few months because it took away from her family now. Eventually, she agreed, but made it seem like I was asking her to inconvenience herself every weekend for the next six months, then guilt tripped me when I pointed out that she guilt tripped me by making it seem like I didn't care about her problems.

    Then when I got to hair and makeup, she flat out said she wouldn't get her hair done with the group and she wasn't wearing makeup. She said she only wanted her stylist to do her hair, seemed offended when I offered to pay for her to get it done from her stylist since I'm covering everyone else, and after I asked if she wouldn't even put on mascara and lipstick and that I didn't understand the fight, she again tried guilt tripping me because she's allergic to a compound in most  mascaras and "didn't want to ruin my big day" by itching but "just for [me] she'll deal with the unbearable itch".

    Keep in mind, I had no knowledge of this allergy, and she threw it back in my face like I knew and was trying to force her to do it anyway. Had she told me of the allergy, she would have gotten the option I later presented of providing her with hypoallergenic makeup, which she said she'd buy and, again, got offended when I offered to pay for it.

    It's not that any of her difficulties are really super difficult, it's that she's not trying to work with me or negotiate. She's putting her foot down and stomping and saying "no no no, I don't want this." and turning around and holding her breath like an angry child and forcing me to come to her to go "is this a good halfway? No? How about mostly yours? Still not that good? Well if we do this you don't stick out from the rest of the party" instead of just telling me what the issue is so we can work on it and negotiate. She also threatened to step down on me because she wasn't getting her way, but when I said she'd be seated as a guest of honor and her input is still appreciated, she told me "no shit I'm providing input, I'm a bridesmaid".

    I don't know what she wants or what to do, she's still one of my best friends and I don't want to hurt her feelings or end our friendship over a wedding. Should I call her on it if she threatens to step down again? What do?

    ETA: I would also like to know if I'm being an unreasonable bridezilla and how to not be one if I am.
    There are SEVERAL threads that discuss brides who make unreasonable demands regarding hair and make up.  Insisting someone alter their bodies in any physical way to appease a bride and her photographs is unacceptable.  These women are supposed to be your nearest and dearest friends.  Tell your friend that you love her just the way she is and that if she prefers not to wear make up, then you are fine with that. 

    She also has every right to have her hair done, IF she wants it done, with her typical stylist.
    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]lc07
  • alexandducky412alexandducky412 Jacksonville, NC member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2015
    The issue isn't that I don't love her the way she is, it's that every step of the way, she's dragging feet and making demands solely for her. She even at one point told me she didn't want me to use blue and purple lighting at my wedding because her wedding was blue and purple, and I couldn't use X style of manicure because she was using it for her wedding. I do love her the way she is, and I said in the post that she told me she wasn't opposed to makeup, she was allergic to it and didn't even tell me that, she just snapped at me. I left their hair and makeup choices up to them as a group within reason and told them I'd pay, I just don't understand why if I go "Okay, then let's do this your way" it's still a problem.

    Apparently I'm just a bridezilla idk

    ETA: I did accommodate for her to go get her hair done with her stylist, and offered to pay like I was paying for everyone else, and she acted as if I'd asked her to trade me her firstborn. Again, it wasn't the request as a whole, it was the grossly adverse and dramatic reaction to it.
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  • Although I definitely think you're asking too much when it comes to hair, make-up and even dress shopping (couldn't she have just ordered one from the same designer as the other girls, so the color matched?), it sounds like there's some communication issues at the very least. If nothing else, there's possibly something exacerbating her annoyance. When is her wedding? Are you a bridesmaid there? Is there some kind of imbalance or jealousy? Are you listening to her about her things, or is it always about your wedding and not hers? I feel like we're missing a lot of the story here....
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    So, I asked eight of my friends to be bridesmaids, and gave all of my bridesmaids the opportunity to drop for whatever reason, and my feelings not to be hurt (they all know my feelings would not be hurt because almost every one of them has had to miss or drop out of an important event of mine or mine theirs and we understand we're all adults with different situations and finances can go to shit at random and things sometimes don't go as planned). All of them said they could come through for me, and I told them that at any time, if they were having difficulties, they could come to me to work through them, we could negotiate figuring it out, and if they felt they needed to drop out, then they could do so, no hard feelings because things happen and it's not fair for me to get upset because you had a need that was much bigger than my want. The only thing I wanted from them is to try to pay for their own dresses, I'll cover makeup and hair and nails, and that they show up clean, on time, and (mostly) sober.

    Everyone accepted and said they understood they could talk to me. My MOHs said to mind that neither of their hair holds a curl, so I told them that they can all come to a decision that works for everyone. One girl is natural and won't put heat on her hair to straighten it, I suggested hairstyles for her. Everyone is working with me and negotiating with the group, except one.

    I asked her to take one weekend in a few months to take a three hour drive with me to go to Virginia to choose her dress. I told everyone that I wanted them all at the same shop even though they're doing mismatched dresses so that they can all have the best chance of getting the closest colors possible and no one ends up with some weirdly off color.To be completely frank with you, that's a load of bunk.  I'd also refuse to drive 3 hours (or 6, if it's three hours each way) on one of my few days off each week to order a dress when there's no good reason for ordering it from a shop so far away.  Ordering from the same shop does not guarantee that the dresses will be from the same dye lot; most likely the dresses are already made and sitting in a warehouse somewhere waiting to be shipped, and now that dye lots are done by computer it doesn't matter anyway.  So just let her order her dress from wherever is convenient for her. 

    The one bridesmaid who lives near me and works with me said no, she didn't want to give up a single day of a single weekend because she had to get a sitter and she had some family issues that just got resolved, so she didn't want to make time in a few months because it took away from her family now. Eventually, she agreed, but made it seem like I was asking her to inconvenience herself every weekend for the next six months, then guilt tripped me when I pointed out that she guilt tripped me by making it seem like I didn't care about her problems.  Well, it doesn't sound like you care about her problems, so...

    Then when I got to hair and makeup, she flat out said she wouldn't get her hair done with the group and she wasn't wearing makeup. She said she only wanted her stylist to do her hair, seemed offended when I offered to pay for her to get it done from her stylist since I'm covering everyone else, and after I asked if she wouldn't even put on mascara and lipstick and that I didn't understand the fight, she again tried guilt tripping me because she's allergic to a compound in most  mascaras and "didn't want to ruin my big day" by itching but "just for [me] she'll deal with the unbearable itch".  She doesn't have to get her hair or make up done.  Drop it.

    Keep in mind, I had no knowledge of this allergy, and she threw it back in my face like I knew and was trying to force her to do it anyway. Had she told me of the allergy, she would have gotten the option I later presented of providing her with hypoallergenic makeup, which she said she'd buy and, again, got offended when I offered to pay for it.  Again, just drop it.  She clearly doesn't want to wear it, and that's her right.  It's her body, not yours.

    It's not that any of her difficulties are really super difficult, it's that she's not trying to work with me or negotiate. She's putting her foot down and stomping and saying "no no no, I don't want this." and turning around and holding her breath like an angry child and forcing me to come to her to go "is this a good halfway? No? How about mostly yours? Still not that good? Well if we do this you don't stick out from the rest of the party" instead of just telling me what the issue is so we can work on it and negotiate. She also threatened to step down on me because she wasn't getting her way, but when I said she'd be seated as a guest of honor and her input is still appreciated, she told me "no shit I'm providing input, I'm a bridesmaid".  Just stop trying to get her to do stuff with her body and time that she doesn't want to do.  Then you won't have to beg and plead with her.  Drop the unreasonable trip expectation and the requirement to wear make up.  No compromise necessary or appropriate.

    I don't know what she wants or what to do, she's still one of my best friends and I don't want to hurt her feelings or end our friendship over a wedding. Should I call her on it if she threatens to step down again? What do?

    ETA: I would also like to know if I'm being an unreasonable bridezilla and how to not be one if I am.




    PrettyGirlLostspockforprezlnixon8[Deleted User]
  • PupatellaPupatella member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2015
    Asking her to spend a whole day with you on the weekend sounds like a lot for her. 6 hours in the car, a couple hours at the dress shop, stops for food, etc. I would just let her order her dress online or over the phone. Personally, I'm not sure I could do this for a close friend either. Asking me to give up half of my weekend is asking a lot.

    As for the makeup, if she's allergic, why does she need to wear makeup at all? I know you recommended that she wear hypoallergenic makeup, but it sounds like she's just more comfortable in no makeup at all. Let her be who she is and don't force her to wear makeup.

    I think that you are asking a lot of her and she may feel uncomfortable. To start rebuilding the friendship I would talk to her about your normal convo stuff but leave your wedding talk alone for a bit.

    Edited for spelling

    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You were way too pushy with her.  Of course she finally lost her shit after you pressured her over and over to wear makeup and get her hair done.  

    And she can't comment on wedding details if you don't share them with her.  


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    PrettyGirlLostlnixon8STARMOON44[Deleted User]
  • alexandducky412alexandducky412 Jacksonville, NC member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Again, the issue is the attitude when I make any requests. From question number one, she just snapped at me, I asked her whats wrong, she said she was fine or discussing what was bothering her was like pulling teeth, and even then the simplest things like a color everyone is happy with are "I don't want to because."

    So basically, she's not to be asked to do anything at all she doesn't want, and she doesn't have to explain why she's biting my head off, she can just bite my head off and act disinterested, but I can't ask if her heart is in it or I hurt her feelings and pressured her. I'm legitimately not sure what to do here??

    And there was no over and over, she popped off at me for asking the first time and I shouldn't have asked for any make up, I get it, but saying "why is this such a drastic issue to where the mere discussion has you catching an attitude" is not the same as "do it and like it"
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  • alexandducky412alexandducky412 Jacksonville, NC member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    But apparently I have a need to control so idk maybe I'm a bitch and not aware. I'll discuss more with her what she needs and try getting the rest on board with working with/around her needs so she feels more welcome if she feels excluded
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  • Again, the issue is the attitude when I make any requests. From question number one, she just snapped at me, I asked her whats wrong, she said she was fine or discussing what was bothering her was like pulling teeth, and even then the simplest things like a color everyone is happy with are "I don't want to because." So basically, she's not to be asked to do anything at all she doesn't want, and she doesn't have to explain why she's biting my head off, she can just bite my head off and act disinterested, but I can't ask if her heart is in it or I hurt her feelings and pressured her. I'm legitimately not sure what to do here?? And there was no over and over, she popped off at me for asking the first time and I shouldn't have asked for any make up, I get it, but saying "why is this such a drastic issue to where the mere discussion has you catching an attitude" is not the same as "do it and like it"
    So you mentioned that she has kids? Are they young? If you told me that you wanted me to spend 6 hours driving in a car and "going shopping" (which, btw, I absolutely hate doing on a good day) away from my kids on a weekend when I work all week and it's the only quality time I get to spend with them, yep, I'm going to give you attitude if you keep asking me about it.

    About the make-up. I'm super picky about make-up and prefer to do my own. I too have allergies to certain things in make-up and don't necessarily want someone near my already sensitive eyes. Again, if you pushed me on this, you would get attitude.

    Maybe start looking at things from her perspective and when she says no, leave it.
    PrettyGirlLostlnixon8[Deleted User]particuliersylphe
  • Again, the issue is the attitude when I make any requests. From question number one, she just snapped at me, I asked her whats wrong, she said she was fine or discussing what was bothering her was like pulling teeth, and even then the simplest things like a color everyone is happy with are "I don't want to because." So basically, she's not to be asked to do anything at all she doesn't want, and she doesn't have to explain why she's biting my head off, she can just bite my head off and act disinterested, but I can't ask if her heart is in it or I hurt her feelings and pressured her. I'm legitimately not sure what to do here?? And there was no over and over, she popped off at me for asking the first time and I shouldn't have asked for any make up, I get it, but saying "why is this such a drastic issue to where the mere discussion has you catching an attitude" is not the same as "do it and like it"
    You mention in your first post that all you asked of them was to cover the cost of their dress, show up "clean" and mostly sober. Now you are asking this one to drive 3 hours to pick out said dress, requiring her to have hair and make up done when she clearly doesn't want it and it doesn't seem like you are too concerned with what might be going on with your friend since she is acting so odd, just that she is catching an attitude over your wedding. I agree with PPs, drop the hair/makeup issue, allow her to pick up her dress at her leisure (who knows, she might be having to spend a long time saving for a dress) and stop talking about your wedding to her. 
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    STARMOON44[Deleted User]
  • You mention that she got offended when you offered to pay for her hair and for her make-up. Is it possible there are some financial issues going on behind the scenes that you aren't privy to? Gas for a 3-6 hour drive (I can't tell if the 3 is round trip or one way) is expensive, especially if she has kids and would need to find a sitter to pay for that length of time, plus the time you're actually shopping. I know you mean well offering to pay, but if that is what's going on, she may be sensitive about accepting money or feel the need to pay you back, in which case it's probably just easier to decline it.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    So, I asked eight of my friends to be bridesmaids, and gave all of my bridesmaids the opportunity to drop for whatever reason, and my feelings not to be hurt (they all know my feelings would not be hurt because almost every one of them has had to miss or drop out of an important event of mine or mine theirs and we understand we're all adults with different situations and finances can go to shit at random and things sometimes don't go as planned). All of them said they could come through for me, and I told them that at any time, if they were having difficulties, they could come to me to work through them, we could negotiate figuring it out, and if they felt they needed to drop out, then they could do so, no hard feelings because things happen and it's not fair for me to get upset because you had a need that was much bigger than my want. The only thing I wanted from them is to try to pay for their own dresses, I'll cover makeup and hair and nails, and that they show up clean, on time, and (mostly) sober.

    Everyone accepted and said they understood they could talk to me. My MOHs said to mind that neither of their hair holds a curl, so I told them that they can all come to a decision that works for everyone. One girl is natural and won't put heat on her hair to straighten it, I suggested hairstyles for her. Everyone is working with me and negotiating with the group, except one.

    I asked her to take one weekend in a few months to take a three hour drive with me to go to Virginia to choose her dress. I told everyone that I wanted them all at the same shop even though they're doing mismatched dresses so that they can all have the best chance of getting the closest colors possible and no one ends up with some weirdly off color.  I wouldn't want to spend 6 hours driving in a car just to pick out a dress I will wear once. . . on top of the time spent at the shop actually trying on dresses.  As long as everyone is getting a dress in the same shade, the variations of that shade will be close enough and coordinate.  It's not like you are asking them to pick a Navy dress and one person might end up with a Periwinkle blue dress. . . Navy is Navy.

    The one bridesmaid who lives near me and works with me said no, she didn't want to give up a single day of a single weekend because she had to get a sitter and she had some family issues that just got resolved, so she didn't want to make time in a few months because it took away from her family now. Eventually, she agreed, but made it seem like I was asking her to inconvenience herself every weekend for the next six months, then guilt tripped me when I pointed out that she guilt tripped me by making it seem like I didn't care about her problems.  Again, I wouldn't want to spend 6+ hours just to pick out a dress. . . and I don't have kids.  She has to spend all that time driving and picking out a dress, on top of arranging paying for a babysitter for a full day.  It does seem like an inconvenience, and if you insisted she make this trip, I can see where she feels like you have no consideration for her.

    Then when I got to hair and makeup, she flat out said she wouldn't get her hair done with the group and she wasn't wearing makeup. She said she only wanted her stylist to do her hair, seemed offended when I offered to pay for her to get it done from her stylist since I'm covering everyone else, and after I asked if she wouldn't even put on mascara and lipstick and that I didn't understand the fight, she again tried guilt tripping me because she's allergic to a compound in most  mascaras and "didn't want to ruin my big day" by itching but "just for [me] she'll deal with the unbearable itch".  I don't understand why she was upset when you offered to pay for her preferred stylist to do her hair, but you should not be asking her to wear make up for your wedding.  It may be your wedding day, but it's her face.  She is free to do with it, what she wants.

    Keep in mind, I had no knowledge of this allergy, and she threw it back in my face like I knew and was trying to force her to do it anyway. Had she told me of the allergy, she would have gotten the option I later presented of providing her with hypoallergenic makeup, which she said she'd buy and, again, got offended when I offered to pay for it.  No, once you realized she had an allergy you should have apologized and just dropped it.  She doesn't want to wear makeup, so don't force her to.  It's not your face.

    It's not that any of her difficulties are really super difficult, it's that she's not trying to work with me or negotiate. That's not for you to judge, you are not living her life.  There's nothing for *her* to work with you on- *you* need to respect her personal boundaries and choices and not require her to waste an entire day dress shopping nor require her to wear make up.  She's putting her foot down and stomping and saying "no no no, I don't want this." and turning around and holding her breath like an angry child and forcing me to come to her to go "is this a good halfway? No? How about mostly yours? Still not that good? Well if we do this you don't stick out from the rest of the party" instead of just telling me what the issue is so we can work on it and negotiate.   She *should* put her foot down.  You should NOT be forcing her to wear make up.  She also threatened to step down on me because she wasn't getting her way, but when I said she'd be seated as a guest of honor and her input is still appreciated, she told me "no shit I'm providing input, I'm a bridesmaid".

    I don't know what she wants or what to do, she's still one of my best friends and I don't want to hurt her feelings or end our friendship over a wedding. Should I call her on it if she threatens to step down again?
    What do you do?  You tell her that you are sorry for prioritizing your wedding vision over her, that she doesn't need to go on that dress shopping trip and can just find any dress in whatever color you decided on, and that you are really sorry about the misunderstanding with the make up and that of course she doesn't have to wear any, if that is her preference.

    ETA: I would also like to know if I'm being an unreasonable bridezilla and how to not be one if I am.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    [Deleted User]
  • AddieCake said:
    I was put off immediately from the lengthy description of how you talked with everyone about how they could drop out if needed, that they could come to you if needed, etc. Why does that even need to be discussed? My nearest and dearest know they can come to me any time for anything. Isn't that an unspoken rule of bestiehood? So the fact that you had all this conversation about that shows me right from the beginning that you're controlling, pushy, insistent, etc. And then I agree with everything PPs said about the other stuff.
    I'm with Addie. That sounds like a passive aggressive warning that they need to either mentally and financially prepare for the hell that is being your bridesmaid or quit with their tails between their legs.


    MairePoppyOliveOilsMomonefootinthebayousouthernbelle0915
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    lnixon8 said:
    AddieCake said:
    I was put off immediately from the lengthy description of how you talked with everyone about how they could drop out if needed, that they could come to you if needed, etc. Why does that even need to be discussed? My nearest and dearest know they can come to me any time for anything. Isn't that an unspoken rule of bestiehood? So the fact that you had all this conversation about that shows me right from the beginning that you're controlling, pushy, insistent, etc. And then I agree with everything PPs said about the other stuff.
    I'm with Addie. That sounds like a passive aggressive warning that they need to either mentally and financially prepare for the hell that is being your bridesmaid or quit with their tails between their legs.
    I agree.  If you have to keep reassuring them that it's okay to drop out, come to you, etc., it sounded like you were setting them up for needing to do exactly that if they accepted.  If you said something like "Come to me if you need anything" and let it go at that, you would have indicated that you were prepared to be flexible without coming across as pushy.
  • I feel like you were trying to provide bridesmaid therapy from the start. They're bridesmaids. This isn't any type of employment or something that should require a support group. They're standing up for you at the ceremony for approx. 20 min to an hour, taking photos and then celebrating with you. That's it.

    When is your wedding? If you haven't picked out dresses yet how are you already on hair and makeup? I'm at the point where my bridesmaids could show up in Hefty bags, flip flops and yesterday's hair and I would care less. Try to let go. It's nice of you to offer to pay for hair but if they don't want it, don't make them! No makeup? Who cares! Not only are you driving your friends absolutely insane, but you're going to lose your mind trying to control every little detail.

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  • particuliersylpheparticuliersylphe My heart belongs to Baltimore. member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    As a person with an allergy to certain products, do not push the makeup thing, especially! The itchiness and sometimes peeling the next day is not fun. If your friend has the same sort of issue, I can understand exactly why she is so reluctant.
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