So, I asked eight of my friends to be bridesmaids, and gave all of my bridesmaids the opportunity to drop for whatever reason, and my feelings not to be hurt (they all know my feelings would not be hurt because almost every one of them has had to miss or drop out of an important event of mine or mine theirs and we understand we're all adults with different situations and finances can go to shit at random and things sometimes don't go as planned). All of them said they could come through for me, and I told them that at any time, if they were having difficulties, they could come to me to work through them, we could negotiate figuring it out, and if they felt they needed to drop out, then they could do so, no hard feelings because things happen and it's not fair for me to get upset because you had a need that was much bigger than my want. The only thing I wanted from them is to try to pay for their own dresses, I'll cover makeup and hair and nails, and that they show up clean, on time, and (mostly) sober.
Everyone accepted and said they understood they could talk to me. My MOHs said to mind that neither of their hair holds a curl, so I told them that they can all come to a decision that works for everyone. One girl is natural and won't put heat on her hair to straighten it, I suggested hairstyles for her. Everyone is working with me and negotiating with the group, except one.
I asked her to take one weekend in a few months to take a three hour drive with me to go to Virginia to choose her dress. I told everyone that I wanted them all at the same shop even though they're doing mismatched dresses so that they can all have the best chance of getting the closest colors possible and no one ends up with some weirdly off color.
The one bridesmaid who lives near me and works with me said no, she didn't want to give up a single day of a single weekend because she had to get a sitter and she had some family issues that just got resolved, so she didn't want to make time in a few months because it took away from her family now. Eventually, she agreed, but made it seem like I was asking her to inconvenience herself every weekend for the next six months, then guilt tripped me when I pointed out that she guilt tripped me by making it seem like I didn't care about her problems.
Then when I got to hair and makeup, she flat out said she wouldn't get her hair done with the group and she wasn't wearing makeup. She said she only wanted her stylist to do her hair, seemed offended when I offered to pay for her to get it done from her stylist since I'm covering everyone else, and after I asked if she wouldn't even put on mascara and lipstick and that I didn't understand the fight, she again tried guilt tripping me because she's allergic to a compound in most mascaras and "didn't want to ruin my big day" by itching but "just for [me] she'll deal with the unbearable itch".
Keep in mind, I had no knowledge of this allergy, and she threw it back in my face like I knew and was trying to force her to do it anyway. Had she told me of the allergy, she would have gotten the option I later presented of providing her with hypoallergenic makeup, which she said she'd buy and, again, got offended when I offered to pay for it.
It's not that any of her difficulties are really super difficult, it's that she's not trying to work with me or negotiate. She's putting her foot down and stomping and saying "no no no, I don't want this." and turning around and holding her breath like an angry child and forcing me to come to her to go "is this a good halfway? No? How about mostly yours? Still not that good? Well if we do this you don't stick out from the rest of the party" instead of just telling me what the issue is so we can work on it and negotiate. She also threatened to step down on me because she wasn't getting her way, but when I said she'd be seated as a guest of honor and her input is still appreciated, she told me "no shit I'm providing input, I'm a bridesmaid".
I don't know what she wants or what to do, she's still one of my best friends and I don't want to hurt her feelings or end our friendship over a wedding. Should I call her on it if she threatens to step down again? What do?
ETA: I would also like to know if I'm being an unreasonable bridezilla and how to not be one if I am.