Bar Question

pennydl · September 2015

I apologize if this question has been asked before. FI and I are hosting the bar at our venue. We've told our venue, we'll pay for beer, wine and soda. The venue is wondering about hard liquor. It's a consumption bar, so we wouldn't know the total until after the reception. It's a smallish wedding, 75. But I'm not sure if hosting hard liquor would be in our budget. I was thinking of asking for them to not even have he hard liquor at the bar, as I've read that quests shouldn't pay for anything at the reception. FI thinks it's ok for guests to pay for hard liquor if that's what they prefer. What have other knotties done in this situation? What is the proper etiquette here? Thanks.

justsie · September 2015

pennydl said:

I apologize if this question has been asked before. FI and I are hosting the bar at our venue. We've told our venue, we'll pay for beer, wine and soda. The venue is wondering about hard liquor. It's a consumption bar, so we wouldn't know the total until after the reception. It's a smallish wedding, 75. But I'm not sure if hosting hard liquor would be in our budget. I was thinking of asking for them to not even have he hard liquor at the bar, as I've read that quests shouldn't pay for anything at the reception. FI thinks it's ok for guests to pay for hard liquor if that's what they prefer. What have other knotties done in this situation? What is the proper etiquette here? Thanks.

Its perfectly fine to only offer beer, wine and soda and not offer hard liquor if that is what you can afford to pay for. It is not okay to ask guests to pick up a tab for a party thrown in their honor, so you are correct and your FI is proposing something that would be against etiquette.

Jen4948 · September 2015

justsie said:

pennydl said:

I apologize if this question has been asked before. FI and I are hosting the bar at our venue. We've told our venue, we'll pay for beer, wine and soda. The venue is wondering about hard liquor. It's a consumption bar, so we wouldn't know the total until after the reception. It's a smallish wedding, 75. But I'm not sure if hosting hard liquor would be in our budget. I was thinking of asking for them to not even have he hard liquor at the bar, as I've read that quests shouldn't pay for anything at the reception. FI thinks it's ok for guests to pay for hard liquor if that's what they prefer. What have other knotties done in this situation? What is the proper etiquette here? Thanks.

Its perfectly fine to only offer beer, wine and soda and not offer hard liquor if that is what you can afford to pay for. It is not okay to ask guests to pick up a tab for a party thrown in their honor, so you are correct and your FI is proposing something that would be against etiquette.

This. Even if guests want hard liquor, it would be rude for them to judge you for not providing it. It's up to all guests to graciously accept the hospitality their hosts provide and get their own hard liquor not only on their own dime but on their own time as well. They are not entitled to hard liquor just because they want it.

DarthV8r · September 2015

pennydl said:

I apologize if this question has been asked before. FI and I are hosting the bar at our venue. We've told our venue, we'll pay for beer, wine and soda. The venue is wondering about hard liquor. It's a consumption bar, so we wouldn't know the total until after the reception. It's a smallish wedding, 75. But I'm not sure if hosting hard liquor would be in our budget. I was thinking of asking for them to not even have he hard liquor at the bar, as I've read that quests shouldn't pay for anything at the reception. FI thinks it's ok for guests to pay for hard liquor if that's what they prefer. What have other knotties done in this situation? What is the proper etiquette here? Thanks.

-----------------------------------------------Made my own boxes JiC-------------------------------------------------------

Now I want to go on a quest.

MairePoppy · September 2015

You should ask if the liquor that you're not hosting can be hidden. If it can, that solves your problem. If it can't be hidden, you should print bar menus and place them at each table and on the bar.

Please enjoy the following beverages,

courtesy of Hosts Names

Beer - (brands)

Wines -

Soda -

This will prevent guests from being caught of guard when the bartender charges them for a drink. It really isn't okay for guests to order off menu because that implies their hosts didn't provide well enough for them. If it happens, this is no reflection on you.

pennydl · September 2015

MairePoppy, I do of course plan to ask if hard liquor can be hidden, but if it can't, your idea is great! Thank you! And thank you to everyone else for your advice as well.

leroweb · September 2015

Just a thought ask them how they would charge for hard liquor. at my venue we can do a full bar or a consumption but the price of a beer is the same as the price of a mixed drink so in a reality it wouldn't cost us more

lembaslover · September 2015

I'm currently arguing with FI over this one. Our venue doesn't want to not provide the liquor if people want it so they said it's totally fine if we host beer,wine, and sodas and then let people pay for liquor if they want it. I said that is rude but my fiance and the venue guy both insist that I'm being rude since some people don't like beer or wine and that most guests are happier to pay for a drink they'd like out of pocket than to have to drink beer or wine. I was so mad when I got ganged up on for that one! Now that we're getting RSVPs back and there are less than we were expecting saying yes I think I'm just going to insist that we open everything. Or if FI won't agree to that then I'm going to make a nice sign that says something like "please enjoy x&y wine, a,b &c beer, and soda" so hopefully it steers people away from asking for liquor.

My advice if you can only afford beer and wine that is fine but get your fiance on your side before talking to the venue because if they both gang up on you it's much harder! And trust me the venue doesn't care about etiquette they just want to make more money.

Pupatella · September 2015

engagedhamstermom said:

I'm currently arguing with FI over this one. Our venue doesn't want to not provide the liquor if people want it so they said it's totally fine if we host beer,wine, and sodas and then let people pay for liquor if they want it. I said that is rude but my fiance and the venue guy both insist that I'm being rude since some people don't like beer or wine and that most guests are happier to pay for a drink they'd like out of pocket than to have to drink beer or wine. I was so mad when I got ganged up on for that one! Now that we're getting RSVPs back and there are less than we were expecting saying yes I think I'm just going to insist that we open everything. Or if FI won't agree to that then I'm going to make a nice sign that says something like "please enjoy x&y wine, a,b &c beer, and soda" so hopefully it steers people away from asking for liquor.

My advice if you can only afford beer and wine that is fine but get your fiance on your side before talking to the venue because if they both gang up on you it's much harder! And trust me the venue doesn't care about etiquette they just want to make more money.

Great points!!

Just wanted to say that we are only doing beer and wine too! Surprisingly, this does not save us a lot of money (but it does save us some), it was not a monetary decision for us. There is a VIP guest that has a drinking problem, who is coming to our wedding. Their drink of choice is a type of liquor, and this person will not drink beer or wine. My FI was adamantly against having any liquor at the reception as to not tempt this VIP guest (it's his side of the family), and I definitely support that.

A lot of guests have asked about our wedding plans, etc. When I give them a rundown of our plans, I usually also mention that we have chosen to do only beer and wine. Guests seem perfectly fine with this, and seemed not to be bothered. Of course, I highly doubt most of them would tell me to my face that they were disappointed. Knowing my side of the guests, the majority of them drink wine and beer when going out anyways, so I don't think it will be a problem for them at the reception.

The venue prints the drink options, and no liquor is mentioned.

@engagedhampstermom, if it is within budget, and you really want a full open bar, then go for it. It sounds like your FI really wants this. If it won't fit in the budget, I like your idea of printing a sign that shows which beer and wine options are available. Good luck!

kimmiinthemitten · September 2015

engagedhamstermom said:

I'm currently arguing with FI over this one. Our venue doesn't want to not provide the liquor if people want it so they said it's totally fine if we host beer,wine, and sodas and then let people pay for liquor if they want it. I said that is rude but my fiance and the venue guy both insist that I'm being rude since some people don't like beer or wine and that most guests are happier to pay for a drink they'd like out of pocket than to have to drink beer or wine. I was so mad when I got ganged up on for that one! Now that we're getting RSVPs back and there are less than we were expecting saying yes I think I'm just going to insist that we open everything. Or if FI won't agree to that then I'm going to make a nice sign that says something like "please enjoy x&y wine, a,b &c beer, and soda" so hopefully it steers people away from asking for liquor.

My advice if you can only afford beer and wine that is fine but get your fiance on your side before talking to the venue because if they both gang up on you it's much harder! And trust me the venue doesn't care about etiquette they just want to make more money.

If you need another argument point against FI, remind him that the venue rep is looking out for his own best interests first, which is how to make more money off of your event, not what is considered proper hosting of your guests. If he can't talk you into paying for the liquor of your guests, of course he's going to try and talk you into letting them pay for it, because it's more money in his figurative pocket!

Jen4948 · September 2015

kimmiandkoley said:

engagedhamstermom said:

I'm currently arguing with FI over this one. Our venue doesn't want to not provide the liquor if people want it so they said it's totally fine if we host beer,wine, and sodas and then let people pay for liquor if they want it. I said that is rude but my fiance and the venue guy both insist that I'm being rude since some people don't like beer or wine and that most guests are happier to pay for a drink they'd like out of pocket than to have to drink beer or wine. I was so mad when I got ganged up on for that one! Now that we're getting RSVPs back and there are less than we were expecting saying yes I think I'm just going to insist that we open everything. Or if FI won't agree to that then I'm going to make a nice sign that says something like "please enjoy x&y wine, a,b &c beer, and soda" so hopefully it steers people away from asking for liquor.

My advice if you can only afford beer and wine that is fine but get your fiance on your side before talking to the venue because if they both gang up on you it's much harder! And trust me the venue doesn't care about etiquette they just want to make more money.

If you need another argument point against FI, remind him that the venue rep is looking out for his own best interests first, which is how to make more money off of your event, not what is considered proper hosting of your guests. If he can't talk you into paying for the liquor of your guests, of course he's going to try and talk you into letting them pay for it, because it's more money in his figurative pocket!

I agree. Stand firm and don't let them railroad you. Tell the venue guy, "Sorry, but what is 'rude' is charging guests for drinks. Guests will have to accept that liquor is not available, and if they don't, they are the ones being rude. This is a final decision, and if you can't accept that, we'll go to another venue that can."

MairePoppy · September 2015

kimmiandkoley said:

If you need another argument point against FI, remind him that the venue rep is looking out for his own best interests first, which is how to make more money off of your event, not what is considered proper hosting of your guests. If he can't talk you into paying for the liquor of your guests, of course he's going to try and talk you into letting them pay for it, because it's more money in his figurative pocket!

Absolutely, the venue rep is out to make money on your wedding. But if the bar services another part of the venue, they may not be able to remove or hide the liquor.

I wouldn't give up an venue over this issue. If guests commit a faux pas and buy a drink that isn't hosted, I'd look the other way.

lyndausvi · September 2015

MairePoppy said:

kimmiandkoley said:

If you need another argument point against FI, remind him that the venue rep is looking out for his own best interests first, which is how to make more money off of your event, not what is considered proper hosting of your guests. If he can't talk you into paying for the liquor of your guests, of course he's going to try and talk you into letting them pay for it, because it's more money in his figurative pocket!

Absolutely, the venue rep is out to make money on your wedding. But if the bar services another part of the venue, they may not be able to remove or hide the liquor.

I wouldn't give up an venue over this issue. If guests commit a faux pas and buy a drink that isn't hosted, I'd look the other way.

That is how the club I work at works. The bar in the main lodge is for the members and we can not deny them service. So all the bottles remain.

If you want to have the reception at our other cabin then we can set the bar up however you want. 90% of the weddings are at the main lodge though. And so far I've only seen one wedding that only had well drinks (+beer and wine). We just told the guests that the high end brands were not available.

If they really wanted the "x" brand we would take a credit card (we are cash free property). Very few exercised that option though (our well is more of a call at other places), but there are some hard core people who do. My DH would be one. He gets really bad headaches with cheap vodka and is willing to pay. Yep. I side-eye him for doing so.

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