Wedding Date Drama - PLEASE HELP!

latoya3709 · December 2011

Knotties - I need some advice before I go crazy.

Backstory:
My FI is Seventh Day Adventist, so we cannot get married on a Saturday. Friday is out of the question, because the Sabbath is a sunset. So - we are getting married on a Sunday (this was drama for my parents at first because we go to church on Sunday, but they got over it).

Sunday is not ideal because people have to work on Monday (the majority of our guests are from OOT and traveling in). Both of our families have other big items going on during the 3-day weekends in 2012. So, we are going with an off Sunday. The goal was to make it in the summer to avoid any conflicts with school for my little bro and sis and his nephews.

I asked my BMs and MOH if July 29, 2012 works for them - EVERYONE says yes. We make a deposit on the venue (after confirming availability with photographer and florist) - then I talk to my MOH and she tells that July 29th is her husbands 30th bday! So, then i'm frustrated that she didn't tell me before, but at the same time not too pressed because the date didn't have any significant meaning to us.

After jumping through various hoops to ensure a date that venue, photographer, and florist had available, I considered August 12, 2012. Because I know that school starts in August, I checked with my sister to make sure she didn't have school. I asked FI to check with his family if August 12th would work - he said it was fine. All our vendores allow us to move to August 12, 2012 with no penalties.

Last night, FI's sister calls and says that her sons' first day of school is August 14th and she thinks we will have a low turn out or many people leaving early because of school (her sons are in the wedding). FI never asked her about August 12th and he said he just thinks that everyone who can come, will come - whoever can't come, it's fine (he's tired of dealing with the back and forth). FI's sister says she thinks it's fine, but that we may want to consider changing our date to July or June, when more people are taking vacation and don't mind traveling. I talked to my mom about it, and she is as frustated as me about all these date conflicts, but thinks that his sister has a point. My family is also frustrated because it's on a Sunday in the first place, but my mom says we are already accommodating Sunday and my future nephews will be ok in regards to school. Since we aren't inviting other children and they will have to get childcare anyways, we should be ok even though it may be close to the start of school.

Now - I want this to work and I think July may be better. But, I am TIRED fo trying to accommodate everyone and I'm worried about asking vendors to change to a date in July - given that we just changed. I think we seem wishy washy. I also don't want to give another date to my BMs and MOH. My FI is not much help, because he says the date is about us - not everyone else. Although he was supportive of me changing the date for my MOH, it's coming out that he didn't want us to do that and we should have just kept it at July 29th.

What would you do? Would you just keep August 12th or would you try to see if another Sunday in July is available for EVERYONE?

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teralicious · December 2011

Just pick a date and stay with it so you stop stressing out. And remember not everyone will attend your wedding. If people want to attend your wedding they will and will make it a priority. If it was my husband's bday, why would we not be able to attend a wedding on that day. Also, a child can miss one day of school, the world will not end because of this. I think you need to stop stressing and keep your date! Also if you change around any more you could make vendors upset.

i2012do · December 2011

This is weird, I thought I posted on this August Board my response, but I guess i posted in Moms and Maids! ? so confused. Anyway, when you double post please mark is XP

spazticrexe · December 2011

From a very aptly-timed post from Broke Ass Bride...

"Your guests are grown, and should show up your wedding on time. If they don’t, it’s on them. There is a difference between accommodating and coddling, and you might as well learn it now. Here’s a hint: if you’re about to change your plans or deadlines for the second time because of someone else’s schedule? CODDLIING."

full post here:
http://www.thebrokeassbride.com/2011/12/tough-wedding-love/

Ajoyd · December 2011

I agree with PPs. If you are happy with this date, stick with it!

My sister lives in Germany and was able to make it to my brother's wedding in May. She had to request special permission for my nephew to miss a week of school so he could come with her. But she did it because it was a priority for her to be there. Bottom line: people who love and care about you should make your wedding a priority and should not give you a hard time because you didn't choose the date that works best with their schedule.

mercy4 · December 2011

I think it's weird that you changed the date for someone's birthday. People go to weddings on their birthday all the time.

Moving on, I'd stick with this date. You're right, it will seem unreliable to vendors and really is everyone always going to be happy with each decision you make? No. If someone chooses that they can't inconvenience themself enough to come to your wedding, don't worry. If your FI doesn't want to change it, just let it be. Things will work out and people will find ways to accommodate themselves. I don't know if I even asked my bridesmaids if they were available that day before I booked. Oops!

kap617 · December 2011

I have to agree with mercy4 on this one (and PP).

FI and I were originally thinking of a September or October wedding, but moved it back so his nieces and nephews weren't in school (they start in September). After I booked August 25th, my friend reminded me that she'd likely be working (she recently started a job at a school) because their year starts in August. She's hoping she can take off, but she might not be able to.

Even though she's one of my closest friends, and I felt bad for forgetting about her when picking my date, I never once thought about changing it.

LibraShawn · December 2011

I also agree with PP wouldn't have changed my date in the first place. I agree 100% with your fiance.

bmetz34 · December 2011

I agree that I wouldn't have changed my date the first time. It's our best man's birthday the day of our wedding so we told him dinner's on us! I think you should stick with the date you have now. No matter what day you land on, it's not going to work for someone. As PP's have said, the most important people in your lives will make it a priority to be there.

fignewton219 · December 2011

We changed our date 3 times until we both agreed there was always going to be something going on and not everyone would love our date. I say stick to the date you two want. Doesn't matter if its someones birthday, or if school is starting. If people want to be there they will.

meglorraine29 · December 2011

I agree with everyone above, this is about the two of you. It is important to be flexible with the people close to you but it sounds like you have gone above and beyond to make everone else happy. They need to put your happiness first on this. Keep the date you want!!

mandy270 · December 2011

I just want to point out that it is awesome that your vendors allowed you to change the date without penalty. They may not be willing to do this 2,3 or 4 times. Don't let other people's schedules end up costing you even more money.